How to Recognize When You're Getting Argumentative
Realize that there can be a blurry line between polite disagreement, and emotional argument., Watch out for negative emotions in yourself -- especially feelings of victimization, competition, enmity, or judging from yourself or perceived in others...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Realize that there can be a blurry line between polite disagreement
People draw the line in different places.
The other person may be feeling more emotional, or less, about the topic or how the conversation is going.
Don't assume they're being insensitive, uncaring, callous, or thickheaded. -
Step 2: and emotional argument.
Do you feel alone in your opinion? Unacknowledged? Justified? Self-righteous? Attacked? Ignored? Interrupted? A need for vindication, revenge? A need to be heard? A need to interrupt, or stop being interrupted? , Recognize that your feelings are a perception, and may not paint an accurate picture.
Take a breath and eat some humble pie
-- try to listen sympathetically.
Imagine that this person is your sibling, or someone you care about, and they are sincerely trying to help you see something useful.
Treat their ideas as informative and well-meaning.
Realize you're human, and remember you've been impolite to others too
-- and give them time and be patient.
If the relationship is important, this could take hours of listening and controlling your emotions. , Allow for other opinions, and treat the conversation as an opportunity to learn other viewpoints.
Try to be curious and understanding, even if not agreeing.
Do you feel like there's one right answer, and it's a discussion about "the" right way? Remind yourself that there might be multiple ways that can work, that you come from different backgrounds and have different experiences.
Try to remember to be curious and understanding about how their experiences have informed their opinion
-- and resist the urge to share yours as a contrast or correction. , Again, seek understanding. , Apologizing (even if you're not wrong) and excusing yourself from the conversation may be appropriate in casual or polite circumstances; Remember, you don't have to prove your point right now.
You might be better off listening, and trying to be humble. , If you leave or ignore the conversation you will miss out on vital information or appear childish.
Remember to respect others' opinions and don't expect yourself to convince any one of your opinion.
You may be better off asking a humble question than making a statement. -
Step 3: Watch out for negative emotions in yourself -- especially feelings of victimization
-
Step 4: competition
-
Step 5: enmity
-
Step 6: or judging from yourself or perceived in others.
-
Step 7: Take responsibility for your own feelings.
-
Step 8: Be aware of topics that are more subjective
-
Step 9: and how they can be subjective.
-
Step 10: Make the conversation about them
-
Step 11: not you.
-
Step 12: Always de-escalate.
-
Step 13: If you're in a meeting and it wouldn't be polite to excuse yourself
-
Step 14: focus on listening and understanding.
Detailed Guide
People draw the line in different places.
The other person may be feeling more emotional, or less, about the topic or how the conversation is going.
Don't assume they're being insensitive, uncaring, callous, or thickheaded.
Do you feel alone in your opinion? Unacknowledged? Justified? Self-righteous? Attacked? Ignored? Interrupted? A need for vindication, revenge? A need to be heard? A need to interrupt, or stop being interrupted? , Recognize that your feelings are a perception, and may not paint an accurate picture.
Take a breath and eat some humble pie
-- try to listen sympathetically.
Imagine that this person is your sibling, or someone you care about, and they are sincerely trying to help you see something useful.
Treat their ideas as informative and well-meaning.
Realize you're human, and remember you've been impolite to others too
-- and give them time and be patient.
If the relationship is important, this could take hours of listening and controlling your emotions. , Allow for other opinions, and treat the conversation as an opportunity to learn other viewpoints.
Try to be curious and understanding, even if not agreeing.
Do you feel like there's one right answer, and it's a discussion about "the" right way? Remind yourself that there might be multiple ways that can work, that you come from different backgrounds and have different experiences.
Try to remember to be curious and understanding about how their experiences have informed their opinion
-- and resist the urge to share yours as a contrast or correction. , Again, seek understanding. , Apologizing (even if you're not wrong) and excusing yourself from the conversation may be appropriate in casual or polite circumstances; Remember, you don't have to prove your point right now.
You might be better off listening, and trying to be humble. , If you leave or ignore the conversation you will miss out on vital information or appear childish.
Remember to respect others' opinions and don't expect yourself to convince any one of your opinion.
You may be better off asking a humble question than making a statement.
About the Author
Joan Gutierrez
Specializes in breaking down complex crafts topics into simple steps.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: