How to Reconcile With an Ex Lover
Take an honest look at the past., Assess your motives., Be sure that you can overcome the problems.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Take an honest look at the past.
All relationships end for definite reasons, and you should think hard before taking any action.
Why did your relationship end? More than that, why do you want to go back to your ex? Some honest reflection will protect you from falling into the same traps and getting hurt again.Ask yourself: if you blame your ex for the breakup, why do you want to get back together? Has she changed the behavior that led to problems? Why would another go-round work when the first did not? If you blame yourself, have you changed? Consider your contributions to the breakup.
Be very careful that you are not crafting a rosy narrative of your role, one that overlooks very real faults in your behavior. -
Step 2: Assess your motives.
There are good reasons and bad reasons to pursue a reunion with an ex—lover.
Look into your motives and evaluate them.
Are they good or bad? Would you still want to get back together with her if your life was ideal, for example? If not, the wrong reasons may lie behind your desire.Do you really still love her? Do you see a stable future together? Was your break up rash, due to a rough patch in a usually happy relationship? Or was it due to youth and you think you’ve now matured? These might be legitimate reasons.Is she putting pressure on you? Or perhaps you are worried about money, loneliness, or dating again? These are NOT good reasons to pursue a reunion.
Be very careful if you have children together.
Children need stability.
A clean break or stable relationship is best if you want to make things work for your kids.
Casually dating your ex – their mother or father – is confusing and cruel., Were the issues in your relationship chronic or trivial? How many chances have you given your ex? Behaviors are deep and hard to change, and that includes how we interact as couples.
Don’t expect to be able to change your behavior or that your ex will easily change her own.Was substance abuse involved? Drug and alcohol abuse are serious mental health issues.
You shouldn’t think about reuniting with an ex unless you have had several years of treatment and sobriety.
The danger is that your old patterns of behavior will reemerge, and lead you back down the path of addiction.Was cheating part of the problem? If so, you and your ex need to come to terms with your past in counseling.
Otherwise, the issue may arise again. -
Step 3: Be sure that you can overcome the problems.
Detailed Guide
All relationships end for definite reasons, and you should think hard before taking any action.
Why did your relationship end? More than that, why do you want to go back to your ex? Some honest reflection will protect you from falling into the same traps and getting hurt again.Ask yourself: if you blame your ex for the breakup, why do you want to get back together? Has she changed the behavior that led to problems? Why would another go-round work when the first did not? If you blame yourself, have you changed? Consider your contributions to the breakup.
Be very careful that you are not crafting a rosy narrative of your role, one that overlooks very real faults in your behavior.
There are good reasons and bad reasons to pursue a reunion with an ex—lover.
Look into your motives and evaluate them.
Are they good or bad? Would you still want to get back together with her if your life was ideal, for example? If not, the wrong reasons may lie behind your desire.Do you really still love her? Do you see a stable future together? Was your break up rash, due to a rough patch in a usually happy relationship? Or was it due to youth and you think you’ve now matured? These might be legitimate reasons.Is she putting pressure on you? Or perhaps you are worried about money, loneliness, or dating again? These are NOT good reasons to pursue a reunion.
Be very careful if you have children together.
Children need stability.
A clean break or stable relationship is best if you want to make things work for your kids.
Casually dating your ex – their mother or father – is confusing and cruel., Were the issues in your relationship chronic or trivial? How many chances have you given your ex? Behaviors are deep and hard to change, and that includes how we interact as couples.
Don’t expect to be able to change your behavior or that your ex will easily change her own.Was substance abuse involved? Drug and alcohol abuse are serious mental health issues.
You shouldn’t think about reuniting with an ex unless you have had several years of treatment and sobriety.
The danger is that your old patterns of behavior will reemerge, and lead you back down the path of addiction.Was cheating part of the problem? If so, you and your ex need to come to terms with your past in counseling.
Otherwise, the issue may arise again.
About the Author
Edward Hart
Experienced content creator specializing in lifestyle guides and tutorials.
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