How to Reject Someone Nicely

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Prepare yourself.

   If you feel ready to turn down the romantic interest of someone after a couple of dates or a handful of social interactions, you’ve hopefully already thought through the consequences.
   
   You should be confident that this guy/girl isn’t for you, and accept that any existing friendship may never be the same (or even survive).
   
   Make sure you also prepare for the act of rejection as well.
   
   Think about what you'll say beforehand.
   
   Don't just tell them a straight out "no"; try to explain it in a way that's not harsh or cutting.
   
   Choose your words carefully.
   
   If you want to practice beforehand in the mirror, or with a sympathetic friend or sibling, do it.
   
   Make sure you are getting your message across clearly but compassionately.
   
   Be prepared to adapt, though, based on his/her reactions.
   
   You don’t want to sound like you’re reading from a script.
   
   Practice adjusting to various scenarios.
2. 2

   Step 2: Don’t put it off.

   While it’s natural to want to put off unpleasant tasks, you’ll only make things worse by waiting once you know you want to end things.
   
   The longer you drag things out, the more likely the other person will think things are going great, making the rejection even more surprising and hurtful.Pick a good time to do it
   -- maybe not the person’s birthday or the night before a big test or job interview
   -- but don’t keep waiting for the “right time.” The right time is now.
   
   If you’re already in a long-term relationship with someone, many of the tips expressed here will be helpful, but there are unique challenges as well.
   
   Take a look at How to Break Up or How to Break Up with a Guy Nicely for ideas. , Of course it’s tempting to get it over with by text, email, phone call, etc., but bad news is best delivered in person, even in the modern digital age.
   
   This is especially true if you’re dealing with a friend you hope to keep as a friend.
   
   Show your maturity and respect.
   
   A face-to-face rejection allows you to immediately see how the other person is reacting to the news
   -- surprise, anger, maybe even relief
   -- and lets you adjust accordingly.Find a quiet, private (or at least semi-private) place to do the deed.
   
   No one wants to be rejected in the middle of a crowd, or not be sure of what they’re hearing.
   
   If you’re hesitant to be alone, at least find a semi-secluded part of the restaurant, shopping mall, club, etc. , When the time arrives, don’t jump straight from asking how the pasta primavera was to “I think we should just be friends.” Loosen them up beforehand with some pleasant conversation, but don’t overdo it.
   
   You need to be able to transition to the serious business at hand without seeming flippant or thoughtless.
   
   Begin with a good transition to rejection mode
   -- perhaps something like "It's been great getting to know you, but..."; “I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and…”; or “I’m glad we tried this, but…”. , Yes, you want to tell the truth.
   
   Don’t make up stories about meeting someone else, reconnecting with an old flame, or deciding to join the Peace Corps.
   
   If they see through your fabrications or find out the truth later, things will only get more difficult.Give the real reasons for turning them away, but don’t blame them.
   
   Stick to “I” statements, where you focus on your needs, feelings, and perspectives.
   
   Yes, “it’s not you, it’s me” is an old cliché, but in principle it has value as a strategy.Instead of "I can't be with a disorganized slob whose life is a mess;" try "I am just the type of person who needs order and structure in my life." Talk about how you thought your would mesh with his/her , and you’re glad you tried, but you don’t feel like it can work out. , Don't just give your reasons, say good-bye, and leave him/her hanging.
   
   Allow the person time to understand and possibly respond.
   
   If you don’t give the other person an opportunity to be involved in the process, it is easier for him/her to feel like it’s not really over or there’s still a chance.
   
   Be sympathetic and let the other person display sadness, cry, or even vent some frustration
   -- but you don’t have to stand for outright anger or verbal abuse. , The worst thing you can do is to retract your rejection because you feel sorry for the person or don't want to hurt him or her.
   
   You wouldn’t have started the process if you weren’t sure you wanted to finish it.
   
   Be appropriately apologetic, put a hand on the person’s shoulder, but don’t backtrack.
   
   Stick to your breakup “talking points.” Try "I'm sorry this hurts.
   
   It's not easy for me either, but I'm certain it's what's best for both of us." Don’t let the other person try to trap you by pointing out flaws in your reasoning; promising changes in exchange for reconsideration; or explaining that you have him or her all wrong.
   
   You’re not in a court of law.
   
   Don’t give any reason for false hope.
   
   Avoid saying you’re not ready “yet,” or want to try being “just friends” (even if you do want that, it's probably best to leave it for another time).
   
   The other person may sense seeds of doubt and another chance in the near future., Try to encourage the other person and be kind.
   
   Let him/her know that they are a great person who just wasn’t right for you, but who will surely find someone great soon.
   
   Thank him/her for the chance to get to know each other and offer your best wishes. , While most of the advice given here will be helpful, dealing with a friend
   -- especially if you hope to remain friends
   -- may require some special techniques.
   
   Don't be playful or joke around.
   
   Since you're dealing with a friend, you may want to act in your normal manner with that person.
   
   Remember, however, that this is serious business.
   
   The other person has put him or herself out there and expects a serious response from you.
   
   Be friendly but not "goofing around in the lunch line" friendly.
   
   Talk about how much you value your friendship, but don't use that as your only excuse.
   
   That is unlikely to satisfy the need for answers of someone who has just put this friendship on the line.
   
   Discuss why things you enjoy about the friendship wouldn't work as a romance.
   
   For instance: "I love how spontaneous and fun you are, and how I get to be that way with you as an escape; but you know that I'm someone who functions best with structure and consistency, and that's what I need in a romantic relationship." Accept the awkwardness of the situation.
   
   It's going to be a difficult, uncomfortable discussion, especially once you say "no." Don't make the person feel bad about putting the two of you in this situation ("Sooooo ... this is awkward, isn't it?").
   
   Thank your friend for being honest about his or her true feelings.
   
   Accept that the friendship may end.
   
   The other person has already decided that he/she doesn't want things to continue as is.
   
   No matter your preference, there may be no going back.
   
   Try saying "I really would love to remain friends, but I know you may need some time.
   
   I'll be happy to talk to you about it again whenever you feel ready."
3. 3

   Step 3: Do it in person.

4. 4

   Step 4: Prepare them for what you're about to say.

5. 5

   Step 5: Be honest but kind.

6. 6

   Step 6: Give him/her time to process it.

7. 7

   Step 7: Stay strong and don't give in.

8. 8

   Step 8: Don't end the conversation on a sour note.

9. 9

   Step 9: Take special care rejecting a friend who wants more.

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