How to Repel a Narcissist
Make a list of your strengths., Acknowledge your needs and emotions., Set realistic goals for yourself., Forgive yourself when you make a mistake., Pretend that you accept yourself until you do.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Make a list of your strengths.
Narcissists are drawn to people who are less aware of their own abilities and who do not accept themselves the way that they are.
To work on self-acceptance, it can be helpful to identify your strengths.
You can read over the list on a daily basis to help affirm yourself and work towards accepting yourself for who you are.
Try making a list that includes all of your strengths, minor and major.For example, you might include personality traits on this list, such as kindness, open-mindedness, and intelligence.
You might also include skills, such as being able to type 80 words per minute, having good problem solving skills, or speaking another language.
Your strengths might also include accomplishments, such as having a high school diploma, earning a raise at work, or winning an award from your school for community service.
List any and everything that is a strength of yours. -
Step 2: Acknowledge your needs and emotions.
People with low self-esteem may ignore their needs and emotions in favor of other people’s needs and emotions, which can be an attractive quality to a narcissist.
If you often find that you put other people’s needs and feelings ahead of your own, then someone who is narcissistic may notice this and use it to his or her advantage.
To prevent this, work on being more accepting of your needs and emotions.When you have an emotion, do not ignore it.
Instead, take a moment to acknowledge it, such as by asking yourself, “What am I feeling?” For example, if someone has said something insulting to you, then you might be feeling hurt or angry.
After you have identified your emotion, figure out what you think you need to do about it.
You can do this by asking yourself, “What do I need?” If you are feeling hurt or angry because of something someone said to you, then you might need to get away from the person for a while or confront the person for insulting you.
Practice identifying your feelings and needs every time you experience an emotion.
With repetition, acknowledging your emotions and acting on them in a constructive way should become easier. , Setting unrealistic goals can lead to disappointment, which can chip away at your self-esteem.
This can make you vulnerable to someone who is narcissistic.
To avoid damaging your self-esteem, try to set small reasonable goals for yourself.A great way to be reasonable with goal setting is to set SMART goals.
SMART stands for:
Specific.
The goal should be clear.
What exactly do you want to accomplish? Who else is involved in the goal? How are you going to do it? Measurable.
You should be able to measure your goal, such as with numbers.
Attainable.
The goal should be something that you can realistically accomplish in the time frame you have given yourself.
Relevant.
The goal should pertain to a larger objective.
For example, if your larger goal is to lose 20 pounds, then a relevant sub-goal of that would be to exercise for 30 minutes five days every week.
Time-based.
There should be a specific time frame for completing the goal.
You might set a date or a number of days to accomplish your goal. , Everyone messes up sometimes, but refusing to forgive yourself can be detrimental to your self-esteem and this may make you seem more attractive to a narcissist.
To avoid this, try to treat yourself as you would a good friend and forgive yourself if you make a mistake.
Don’t beat yourself up when something goes wrong.To forgive yourself, you could try writing a letter to yourself as a compassionate friend.
What might a friend say to make you feel better? How might he or she talk to you? You might also speak to yourself in the mirror to offer forgiveness.
Try telling yourself something like, “What happened is upsetting, and you are entitled to feel upset about it, but I want to move forward.
I forgive you for what happened.” , It takes time to develop self-esteem and to learn how to love yourself.
However, you can fake self-esteem until it actually develops.
Seeming like you have high self-esteem may be enough to repel people who are narcissistic.
Try faking high self-esteem until you actually start to feel good about yourself.To fake high self-esteem, try imagining someone who seems like he or she loves and accepts his or herself.
How might that person behave in your situation? What might that person do or say? Try acting like this self-esteem role model until you start to really feel accepting towards yourself. -
Step 3: Set realistic goals for yourself.
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Step 4: Forgive yourself when you make a mistake.
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Step 5: Pretend that you accept yourself until you do.
Detailed Guide
Narcissists are drawn to people who are less aware of their own abilities and who do not accept themselves the way that they are.
To work on self-acceptance, it can be helpful to identify your strengths.
You can read over the list on a daily basis to help affirm yourself and work towards accepting yourself for who you are.
Try making a list that includes all of your strengths, minor and major.For example, you might include personality traits on this list, such as kindness, open-mindedness, and intelligence.
You might also include skills, such as being able to type 80 words per minute, having good problem solving skills, or speaking another language.
Your strengths might also include accomplishments, such as having a high school diploma, earning a raise at work, or winning an award from your school for community service.
List any and everything that is a strength of yours.
People with low self-esteem may ignore their needs and emotions in favor of other people’s needs and emotions, which can be an attractive quality to a narcissist.
If you often find that you put other people’s needs and feelings ahead of your own, then someone who is narcissistic may notice this and use it to his or her advantage.
To prevent this, work on being more accepting of your needs and emotions.When you have an emotion, do not ignore it.
Instead, take a moment to acknowledge it, such as by asking yourself, “What am I feeling?” For example, if someone has said something insulting to you, then you might be feeling hurt or angry.
After you have identified your emotion, figure out what you think you need to do about it.
You can do this by asking yourself, “What do I need?” If you are feeling hurt or angry because of something someone said to you, then you might need to get away from the person for a while or confront the person for insulting you.
Practice identifying your feelings and needs every time you experience an emotion.
With repetition, acknowledging your emotions and acting on them in a constructive way should become easier. , Setting unrealistic goals can lead to disappointment, which can chip away at your self-esteem.
This can make you vulnerable to someone who is narcissistic.
To avoid damaging your self-esteem, try to set small reasonable goals for yourself.A great way to be reasonable with goal setting is to set SMART goals.
SMART stands for:
Specific.
The goal should be clear.
What exactly do you want to accomplish? Who else is involved in the goal? How are you going to do it? Measurable.
You should be able to measure your goal, such as with numbers.
Attainable.
The goal should be something that you can realistically accomplish in the time frame you have given yourself.
Relevant.
The goal should pertain to a larger objective.
For example, if your larger goal is to lose 20 pounds, then a relevant sub-goal of that would be to exercise for 30 minutes five days every week.
Time-based.
There should be a specific time frame for completing the goal.
You might set a date or a number of days to accomplish your goal. , Everyone messes up sometimes, but refusing to forgive yourself can be detrimental to your self-esteem and this may make you seem more attractive to a narcissist.
To avoid this, try to treat yourself as you would a good friend and forgive yourself if you make a mistake.
Don’t beat yourself up when something goes wrong.To forgive yourself, you could try writing a letter to yourself as a compassionate friend.
What might a friend say to make you feel better? How might he or she talk to you? You might also speak to yourself in the mirror to offer forgiveness.
Try telling yourself something like, “What happened is upsetting, and you are entitled to feel upset about it, but I want to move forward.
I forgive you for what happened.” , It takes time to develop self-esteem and to learn how to love yourself.
However, you can fake self-esteem until it actually develops.
Seeming like you have high self-esteem may be enough to repel people who are narcissistic.
Try faking high self-esteem until you actually start to feel good about yourself.To fake high self-esteem, try imagining someone who seems like he or she loves and accepts his or herself.
How might that person behave in your situation? What might that person do or say? Try acting like this self-esteem role model until you start to really feel accepting towards yourself.
About the Author
Donna Reynolds
Creates helpful guides on creative arts to inspire and educate readers.
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