How to Respond to Someone Describing a Hard Childhood
Limit distractions and interruptions., Focus on what’s being said., Pay attention to body language., Take their perspective., Stay calm.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Limit distractions and interruptions.
When someone is sharing something as personal as the details of a difficult childhood the last thing you want is a phone constantly ringing, beeping, and buzzing.
And the last thing they want is to have to repeat a painful detail because you were distracted.
Do what you can to remove any distractions and limit interruptions so the person feels comfortable talking with you.If you know in advance they’ll be telling you something personal, eliminate distractions and possible interruptions in advance.
For example, you might turn the TV off and ask your kids to play in their room.
Avoid checking your alerts and notifications while the person is talking.
Give them your full attention.
If you two are conversing over a meal, put your fork down, look at them, and focus on listening. -
Step 2: Focus on what’s being said.
It may not be easy for the person to tell you about their childhood so don’t start daydreaming or allow your thoughts to drift while they’re talking.
Focus your thoughts and senses on the person so that you will be able to respond appropriately and with empathy.Active listening techniques may be helpful, such as asking for clarification, summarizing, and repeating back what they have said to you.
Look at them while they are talking.
This is a clear way to let them know you’re paying attention.
Notice if they seem to be having a difficult time telling you about their childhood.
For example, are they hesitating a lot? Is their voice softer than usual or does it sound strained? Think about what they are telling you.
Focus your mind on understanding their story. , People don’t always say so when something is bothering them.
Sometimes the only clue is in their body language.
Although they may sound calm when telling you about their childhood, there may be nonverbal signs that what they are telling you is hard for them to talk about.
Does their body seem tense? For instance, is their jaw tense? Are their lips pressed tightly together? Do they seem nervous or anxious? For example, are they sweating or shaking? Are they pacing or do they seem fidgety? Do they seem to be having trouble breathing? Is their breath shallow or really fast? Do they seem to have trouble making eye contact with you? , Some of the things people may tell you about their childhood can be hard to understand or imagine.
Rather than disbelieving, try to put yourself in their shoes and really consider what they went through and how it might have felt.Visualize what they are telling you.
This will help you take their perspective.
For example, if they’re telling you about living in foster care, picture moving into a new bedroom every few months.
Imagine how you would have felt if you had their childhood.
For instance, you might think about how confusing and isolating it might be to have a serious childhood disease. , Depending on what is said and who it is saying it, you may be shocked, outraged, or saddened when someone tells you about their hard childhood.
Instead of responding with a strong reaction, try to remain calm so that you can support the person telling you about their childhood.Keep your breathing slow and steady.
If you need to, silently remind yourself to inhale slowly, hold it for a second, and then release it slowly.
Also, focus on your body and see if you are demonstrating any restlessness, tension, or other indicators of discomfort.
Remind yourself that although what happened to them wasn’t good, they’re okay now and here with you. -
Step 3: Pay attention to body language.
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Step 4: Take their perspective.
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Step 5: Stay calm.
Detailed Guide
When someone is sharing something as personal as the details of a difficult childhood the last thing you want is a phone constantly ringing, beeping, and buzzing.
And the last thing they want is to have to repeat a painful detail because you were distracted.
Do what you can to remove any distractions and limit interruptions so the person feels comfortable talking with you.If you know in advance they’ll be telling you something personal, eliminate distractions and possible interruptions in advance.
For example, you might turn the TV off and ask your kids to play in their room.
Avoid checking your alerts and notifications while the person is talking.
Give them your full attention.
If you two are conversing over a meal, put your fork down, look at them, and focus on listening.
It may not be easy for the person to tell you about their childhood so don’t start daydreaming or allow your thoughts to drift while they’re talking.
Focus your thoughts and senses on the person so that you will be able to respond appropriately and with empathy.Active listening techniques may be helpful, such as asking for clarification, summarizing, and repeating back what they have said to you.
Look at them while they are talking.
This is a clear way to let them know you’re paying attention.
Notice if they seem to be having a difficult time telling you about their childhood.
For example, are they hesitating a lot? Is their voice softer than usual or does it sound strained? Think about what they are telling you.
Focus your mind on understanding their story. , People don’t always say so when something is bothering them.
Sometimes the only clue is in their body language.
Although they may sound calm when telling you about their childhood, there may be nonverbal signs that what they are telling you is hard for them to talk about.
Does their body seem tense? For instance, is their jaw tense? Are their lips pressed tightly together? Do they seem nervous or anxious? For example, are they sweating or shaking? Are they pacing or do they seem fidgety? Do they seem to be having trouble breathing? Is their breath shallow or really fast? Do they seem to have trouble making eye contact with you? , Some of the things people may tell you about their childhood can be hard to understand or imagine.
Rather than disbelieving, try to put yourself in their shoes and really consider what they went through and how it might have felt.Visualize what they are telling you.
This will help you take their perspective.
For example, if they’re telling you about living in foster care, picture moving into a new bedroom every few months.
Imagine how you would have felt if you had their childhood.
For instance, you might think about how confusing and isolating it might be to have a serious childhood disease. , Depending on what is said and who it is saying it, you may be shocked, outraged, or saddened when someone tells you about their hard childhood.
Instead of responding with a strong reaction, try to remain calm so that you can support the person telling you about their childhood.Keep your breathing slow and steady.
If you need to, silently remind yourself to inhale slowly, hold it for a second, and then release it slowly.
Also, focus on your body and see if you are demonstrating any restlessness, tension, or other indicators of discomfort.
Remind yourself that although what happened to them wasn’t good, they’re okay now and here with you.
About the Author
Eugene King
Eugene King has dedicated 9 years to mastering education and learning. As a content creator, Eugene focuses on providing actionable tips and step-by-step guides.
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