How to Respond when Someone Calls You a "Racist"

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Recognize the difference between an action being called racist and a person being called racist.If the person pointed out one particular action

   If someone says you are a racist person, this suggests a bigger problem.
   
   Maybe you've done multiple things that came off as racist.
   
   Or maybe they're just having a really awful day.
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   Step 2: that doesn't mean that they hate you or think you're horrible.They're just explaining that you did something hurtful

   When someone says they think you're a racist, take them seriously.
   
   Make time to listen to their concerns.
   
   Let the other party talk first before you respond; do not interrupt the other speaker.
   
   Then, in a calm and measured way, say, “Wow, I am very concerned that you consider me a racist.
   
   I’m interested in discussing this matter further.
   
   Let’s do so in the privacy of (my office, a cafe, a quiet room, etc.).” If there is a power imbalance, they may be afraid to speak to you in a completely private place.
   
   If so, try a semi-public place, like a restaurant, a park bench, etc. , Especially if they are a minority, they may be afraid of you, so do your best to put them at ease.
   
   This shows them that you are an understanding person who is willing to listen.
   
   For example, “I'm sorry if I've said or done anything hurtful.
   
   I'm really concerned about this.
   
   I want people of all races to feel safe and relaxed around me, so if I'm making people uncomfortable, I want to hear about it so I can learn from it.” , Listen closely to what they have to say.It may be that you've made some mistakes, or that you said things that were interpreted differently than you intended.
   
   Tell them, “I want to know why you think this.
   
   What have I done that's racist?” Listen attentively to their response. , Show sympathy for any racism they've faced, whether it was a misunderstanding or not.
   
   Make it clear that you care about their pain. (Some of it might be from other experiences that were not your fault.) This will help them feel calmer, and feel like they can trust you.
   
   For example, “That must be difficult,” “I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with that,” and “that's too bad” are examples of validating statements. , If you are white and the other person is a person of color, they probably know more about racism than you do.
   
   Listen carefully to their explanations; you may be surprised.
   
   They might think you’re racist because you support racist policies such as criminalization of certain drugs or exclusionary zoning policies.
   
   While such policies in theory are not aimed specifically at minorities, their implementation and impact are decidedly biased for or against a given race and therefore racist.Expressing support for politicians who pursue strengthening these policies might be perceived as racist.
   
   Finally, the most obvious and common definition of racism is one in which a person believes one race is superior or inferior to another.
   
   Using explicit racial slurs, supporting slavery/segregation/deportation, believing race drives behavior (e.g. "Mexicans are rapists"), are all examples of serious racism.
   
   If you said “I believe it was a mistake to free the slaves,” for instance, you are a racist.
   
   If you don't understand, ask. “I don't understand why that's racist.
   
   Would you please explain for me?” , Mentions of your black friend, your Asian boyfriend, your time volunteering with Latinx children, etc. aren't going to fix things.Mentioning your ancestry doesn't help, either; just because you are of a minority race, doesn't mean you can't be racist to those of other minority races.
   
   Not all racists are hateful people who burn crosses, and you can be accidentally racist even while disliking racism in general. , Remind yourself that in the West, where governments and societies have long been controlled and guided by white men, everyone is racist to some degree or another.
   
   Recount to your accuser that many examples of unconscious racial bias exist in you, and that you will try to do better.Use the specific circumstances of the conversation or situation which led to you being accused of racism in order to clarify your position on the issue at hand. , It may have been that you said something that sounded racist, even if that's not how you meant it.
   
   If so, apologize for the misunderstanding and any discomfort on their part, and clarify what you truly meant.
   
   For example, “What I meant to say is that I disagree with Obama's policies, and dislike what he's done with the country.
   
   I am glad that America has had its first black president, and hope there will be many more.
   
   I'm sorry if I gave you the impression otherwise.
   
   That is definitely not what I meant.” Acknowledge any surprise you feel.
   
   For example, “Oh, no, I'm so sorry! I'm surprised and horrified if my words came out that way! I think your fiancee is charming, including her dark skin! And I'm happy to have her joining the family, I promise, and I will call her and tell her that today.” , Think about your culture’s history in a framework which acknowledges the structural challenges to a fully egalitarian society.
   
   You have most likely absorbed some cultural biases without knowing.
   
   List some examples to demonstrate you understand the issue.
   
   Listening less intently to minorities; showing more caution around people of color; and being less likely to hire someone whose name is not traditional or sounds ethnic are just some of the many unconscious but racially biased behaviors everyone in a white society will likely exhibit., If you unintentionally hurt someone, own up to it and apologize.
   
   If they aren't ready to forgive you, ask if and how you can make it up to them.
   
   You want the person to walk away feeling satisfied and safe around you.
   
   If someone was insulted, tell them a few things that you admire about them.
   
   Explain that you value them as a friend/colleague/mother-in-law/etc., and assure them that the racist remark doesn't reflect your feelings about them.
   
   For a friend or loved one, spend some extra time on the relationship.
   
   Take them somewhere fun, do something nice for them, or take extra quality time together.
   
   If someone doesn't want to see you, give them space for as long as they need.
   
   This shows that you respect their wishes. , If they publicly called you names, ask them if they would rescind it.If you've been empathetic and willing to make amends, they will most likely agree.
   
   If they refuse, you can do little about it, but continue to explain yourself and let people know, if necessary, that you and the accuser have buried the hatchet, and you've made amends for any racist actions.
   
   At the end of the conversation with the person who called you a racist, ask gently, “Are you satisfied with how this turned out? Do you still consider me a racist or bad person? If not, would you please let others know? I want to move on from this, and would like to keep my reputation intact if possible.”
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   Step 3: the same way they'd point out "I tripped over the mess you left in the hall" or "I don't like it when you tease about my nose."

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   Step 4: Agree that there is a problem to be solved.Being accused of racism is a serious accusation

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   Step 5: and anyone making such a claim does not do so lightly.

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   Step 6: Preemptively apologize

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   Step 7: and show that you care about their feelings.

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   Step 8: Ask why they think you're racist.

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   Step 9: Validate their frustrations.

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    Step 10: Don't consider yourself an expert on racism.Racism can be difficult to define

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    Step 11: and it's possible to say or do racist things without realizing it.

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    Step 12: Don't throw around evidence that you must not be racist.

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    Step 13: Acknowledge any racist things you have done.

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    Step 14: Clarify about any misinterpreted remarks.

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    Step 15: Acknowledge your limitations.Many people hold racist beliefs without realizing it

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    Step 16: and it's possible that you haven't weeded them all out yet.

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    Step 17: Make amends for any harm done.

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    Step 18: Discuss any harm to your reputation.

Detailed Guide

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