How to Say No Nicely
Understand why saying no is difficult., Learn why saying no is important., Give yourself a little time., Stick to your principles., Try not saying no., Be honest., Stay firm.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Understand why saying no is difficult.
Most of us have learned from an early age that saying yes is easier and gets favor and approval from family.
This taps into a deep need to please our parents that is tied with love and fears of abandonment.Or we may fear alienating and losing our spouses or significant others.
With friends, saying no can cause misunderstandings or risk hurt feelings.
Then there's the worry that saying no at work could make you look bad or keep you from a promotion.Saying yes is great in theory, but often causes problems if we say yes to more than we can manage. -
Step 2: Learn why saying no is important.
Learning to say no nicely is a pathway to establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.
If you take pride in caring and doing things for others, saying no often feels uncomfortable.
You may find that you say yes too often and end up anxious or stressed because you took on too much.
Saying no reinforces healthy boundaries, which lets you effectively care for others while you take care of yourself., The experts agree that taking your time before saying no is crucial.If you're considering how to turn down an invitation or request, remember that you don't have to answer right away.
Buy yourself some time to avoid nagging on the subject or hurt feelings.
Don't take too much time, since it's not fair to make the other person wait too long.
Avoid saying yes immediately and changing your mind later.
This will hurt or ruin your credibility.For example, say your mom asks you in February, "Are you coming to town for the holidays this year?" Respond with something like, "Well, we haven't even thought about it yet.
We’re not sure if we can get the time off work.
Let’s talk about it again in September, okay?” , If someone asks you to do something that's against your values, it may be best to say no in a way that avoids direct confrontation.
Ask for time, then tell the person you want to give it some thought.
Carefully consider your own values before saying yes to something you do not feel comfortable doing.
For example, imagine a friend asks you to write a letter of reference for her family member.
You can say something like, “I don’t really know your family member very well and wouldn’t feel comfortable writing as if I do.”, Don't say yes, but understand that you can turn something or someone down without saying actually saying no.Instead, be clear about your concerns and why you're refusing.
For example, if your boss asks you to take on another project, don't simply say that you can't fit it into your current workload.
Instead, say something like, "I'm working on x project due next week and y project that we're presenting next month.
How much time can you give me to complete this project?"
Sometimes it is tempting to tell a white lie or make up an elaborate story before saying no.
But doing this risks your credibility if you are found out, and this can threaten relationships, whether personal or business.
In the end, being honest is being nice.
For example, if you're refusing an invitation, you could say, "That sounds like a great (opportunity/event/project) for someone else, but it doesn't suit me.
I hope you (have fun / find someone else)."
You may find it hard to repeatedly say no if someone keeps pestering you to do something.
They might be used to you always saying yes and are just testing your limits.Hold your ground and continue to firmly say no.
You may start out by refusing and giving an explanation like, "I know you really want to meet up this weekend, but I've already made plans that I need to keep." If the person continues to pester you, try keeping your responses brief, but firm. -
Step 3: Give yourself a little time.
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Step 4: Stick to your principles.
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Step 5: Try not saying no.
-
Step 6: Be honest.
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Step 7: Stay firm.
Detailed Guide
Most of us have learned from an early age that saying yes is easier and gets favor and approval from family.
This taps into a deep need to please our parents that is tied with love and fears of abandonment.Or we may fear alienating and losing our spouses or significant others.
With friends, saying no can cause misunderstandings or risk hurt feelings.
Then there's the worry that saying no at work could make you look bad or keep you from a promotion.Saying yes is great in theory, but often causes problems if we say yes to more than we can manage.
Learning to say no nicely is a pathway to establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.
If you take pride in caring and doing things for others, saying no often feels uncomfortable.
You may find that you say yes too often and end up anxious or stressed because you took on too much.
Saying no reinforces healthy boundaries, which lets you effectively care for others while you take care of yourself., The experts agree that taking your time before saying no is crucial.If you're considering how to turn down an invitation or request, remember that you don't have to answer right away.
Buy yourself some time to avoid nagging on the subject or hurt feelings.
Don't take too much time, since it's not fair to make the other person wait too long.
Avoid saying yes immediately and changing your mind later.
This will hurt or ruin your credibility.For example, say your mom asks you in February, "Are you coming to town for the holidays this year?" Respond with something like, "Well, we haven't even thought about it yet.
We’re not sure if we can get the time off work.
Let’s talk about it again in September, okay?” , If someone asks you to do something that's against your values, it may be best to say no in a way that avoids direct confrontation.
Ask for time, then tell the person you want to give it some thought.
Carefully consider your own values before saying yes to something you do not feel comfortable doing.
For example, imagine a friend asks you to write a letter of reference for her family member.
You can say something like, “I don’t really know your family member very well and wouldn’t feel comfortable writing as if I do.”, Don't say yes, but understand that you can turn something or someone down without saying actually saying no.Instead, be clear about your concerns and why you're refusing.
For example, if your boss asks you to take on another project, don't simply say that you can't fit it into your current workload.
Instead, say something like, "I'm working on x project due next week and y project that we're presenting next month.
How much time can you give me to complete this project?"
Sometimes it is tempting to tell a white lie or make up an elaborate story before saying no.
But doing this risks your credibility if you are found out, and this can threaten relationships, whether personal or business.
In the end, being honest is being nice.
For example, if you're refusing an invitation, you could say, "That sounds like a great (opportunity/event/project) for someone else, but it doesn't suit me.
I hope you (have fun / find someone else)."
You may find it hard to repeatedly say no if someone keeps pestering you to do something.
They might be used to you always saying yes and are just testing your limits.Hold your ground and continue to firmly say no.
You may start out by refusing and giving an explanation like, "I know you really want to meet up this weekend, but I've already made plans that I need to keep." If the person continues to pester you, try keeping your responses brief, but firm.
About the Author
James Thompson
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow home improvement tutorials.
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