How to Say No when Someone Asks You Out
Keep your initial rejection straightforward.If you've just been approached by a friend for a date, the best thing you can do to start is to give your answer right off the bat., Be honest.Even if you don't take the other person seriously as a dating...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Keep your initial rejection straightforward.If you've just been approached by a friend for a date
Don't beat around the bush or avoid giving a real response.
Something short and straightforward is best.
Although something as simple as "I'm just not into you that way" sounds cold, it's important to lay down the groundwork first.
Once that's out of the way, you can offer consolation as a friend.
Say something like "Sorry, I think you're great but I just don't see you that way." rejecting someone like this offers a compliment, but still makes the rejection firm and straightforward.
Don't be worried about being blunt.
Being blunt will save the other person pain in the long run. -
Step 2: the best thing you can do to start is to give your answer right off the bat.
Trying to sugarcoat the situation to protect his feelings is a common mistake people make, but you should try to be as honest and forthcoming about your rejection as you can.
After all, he went out of his way to ask you out.
The least he should get in return is some sincerity on your part.
Don't confuse honesty with being cold.
There are always ways you can word something to sound less harsh.
For instance, instead of saying "I think you're ugly," you can soften it by reminding him it's all about personal taste: "I'm not personally attracted to you, but I could see why other girls might be." Avoiding the touchier parts of your rejection may seem like a good idea at first, but runs the risk of being misinterpreted.
Your best bet is to give as many reasons as needed to make him understand the rejection. , If you've ever asked someone out before, you should be able to empathize with the sort of courage it can take to make yourself vulnerable to someone.
If he's already a friend of yours, he probably sees you as more than just a dating prospect.
Taking the moment to see things from the other person's point of view can make it a lot easier to talk things out together.
Even if you feel for the other person, don't let the empathy change your mind about the rejection.
There's obviously a rejection why you rejected the person in the first place, and it's a good idea to stick with it once you've started.
Any type of social rejection hurts a lot.
When you're trying to empathize, it's a good idea to think back on times you've been rejected.
Social rejection can take many forms, and it can have dismal effects on the person being rejected.If you consider him a friend, you're probably going to want to save his feelings from being hurt.
While this a good thing, you shouldn't let protecting his feelings get in the way of talking about the situation. , A compliment is a good consolation, and can go a long way towards making that person feel better.
It's very important to note that the compliment shouldn't be anything that makes him think like he still has a chance at dating you.
Keep the compliment platonic; say something that you'd normally have no problem complimenting a friend for.
If it applies, say something like: "Even though we wouldn't be good together, I think you're incredibly sweet and funny."
After you've gotten past the initial stages of rejection, it's a good idea to talk about the good things in the friendship you already have.
The person you rejected may not sound too enthusiastic about the friendship at first, but reminding him of the good things is an important part of moving forward.
Stress how much the friendship personally means to you.
This will boost his self-confidence.
After just being rejected, he'll probably need that consolation., Even if you're very good friends with this person, it's often a good idea to offer some space apart while he regains his bearings.
After enough time has elapsed, the two of you should start talking again and pick up the friendship where you left off.
The time apart will be healthy for you too.
Although your friend may come back after a while, you should expect to make the initiative in continuing the friendship.
Wait until you think the dust has settled, and ask your friend how he's doing.
After talking for a bit, you should get an idea if enough time has passed or not.
Time will vary depending on the outcome of the rejection and the type of people the two of you are.
Time apart could be a matter of hours to a few months.
It should be cautioned that there's always a chance your friend won't be interested in continuing the friendship at all.
Sometimes the pain will be too much. -
Step 3: Be honest.Even if you don't take the other person seriously as a dating prospect
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Step 4: his feelings still matter.
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Step 5: Empathize with the other person.
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Step 6: Offer a compliment to lessen the blow.Compliments are a good way of making someone feeling better after you've caused them pain.
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Step 7: Focus on the good things in your friendship.While this isn't something you have to be worried about if you're approached by a stranger
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Step 8: rejecting a friend can have negative consequences for the friendship you already have.
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Step 9: Give space and time.All rejections need time and space to heal over.
Detailed Guide
Don't beat around the bush or avoid giving a real response.
Something short and straightforward is best.
Although something as simple as "I'm just not into you that way" sounds cold, it's important to lay down the groundwork first.
Once that's out of the way, you can offer consolation as a friend.
Say something like "Sorry, I think you're great but I just don't see you that way." rejecting someone like this offers a compliment, but still makes the rejection firm and straightforward.
Don't be worried about being blunt.
Being blunt will save the other person pain in the long run.
Trying to sugarcoat the situation to protect his feelings is a common mistake people make, but you should try to be as honest and forthcoming about your rejection as you can.
After all, he went out of his way to ask you out.
The least he should get in return is some sincerity on your part.
Don't confuse honesty with being cold.
There are always ways you can word something to sound less harsh.
For instance, instead of saying "I think you're ugly," you can soften it by reminding him it's all about personal taste: "I'm not personally attracted to you, but I could see why other girls might be." Avoiding the touchier parts of your rejection may seem like a good idea at first, but runs the risk of being misinterpreted.
Your best bet is to give as many reasons as needed to make him understand the rejection. , If you've ever asked someone out before, you should be able to empathize with the sort of courage it can take to make yourself vulnerable to someone.
If he's already a friend of yours, he probably sees you as more than just a dating prospect.
Taking the moment to see things from the other person's point of view can make it a lot easier to talk things out together.
Even if you feel for the other person, don't let the empathy change your mind about the rejection.
There's obviously a rejection why you rejected the person in the first place, and it's a good idea to stick with it once you've started.
Any type of social rejection hurts a lot.
When you're trying to empathize, it's a good idea to think back on times you've been rejected.
Social rejection can take many forms, and it can have dismal effects on the person being rejected.If you consider him a friend, you're probably going to want to save his feelings from being hurt.
While this a good thing, you shouldn't let protecting his feelings get in the way of talking about the situation. , A compliment is a good consolation, and can go a long way towards making that person feel better.
It's very important to note that the compliment shouldn't be anything that makes him think like he still has a chance at dating you.
Keep the compliment platonic; say something that you'd normally have no problem complimenting a friend for.
If it applies, say something like: "Even though we wouldn't be good together, I think you're incredibly sweet and funny."
After you've gotten past the initial stages of rejection, it's a good idea to talk about the good things in the friendship you already have.
The person you rejected may not sound too enthusiastic about the friendship at first, but reminding him of the good things is an important part of moving forward.
Stress how much the friendship personally means to you.
This will boost his self-confidence.
After just being rejected, he'll probably need that consolation., Even if you're very good friends with this person, it's often a good idea to offer some space apart while he regains his bearings.
After enough time has elapsed, the two of you should start talking again and pick up the friendship where you left off.
The time apart will be healthy for you too.
Although your friend may come back after a while, you should expect to make the initiative in continuing the friendship.
Wait until you think the dust has settled, and ask your friend how he's doing.
After talking for a bit, you should get an idea if enough time has passed or not.
Time will vary depending on the outcome of the rejection and the type of people the two of you are.
Time apart could be a matter of hours to a few months.
It should be cautioned that there's always a chance your friend won't be interested in continuing the friendship at all.
Sometimes the pain will be too much.
About the Author
Peter Rodriguez
Enthusiastic about teaching creative arts techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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