How to Speak Supportively to Someone With an Eating Disorder
Educate yourself., Recognize the symptoms of eating disorders., Be receptive., Use the right language., Avoid shaming, blaming, or guilting.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Educate yourself.
Research what it means to suffer from an eating disorder, how people cope with it, and what steps can be taken to overcome the problem.
It is important that you have at least a little bit of background knowledge so the person will listen to you and think that you are someone they can talk to about their problem.The more you learn about their condition, the better equipped you’ll be to approach them with your concern.
They may be suffering from extreme levels of anxiety or depression that you are unaware of.
But learning about the condition might make you realize that these factors could be affecting them too. -
Step 2: Recognize the symptoms of eating disorders.
If you suspect someone you care about is suffering from an eating disorder, make sure you do a little checking before you broach the subject with them.
It is important to recognize the symptoms so you don’t make any false accusations or unnecessarily bring up a tough subject.Symptoms of anorexia nervosa include abnormally low body weight, taking extreme measures to control body weight (including laxatives, diet pills, or intense exercising), and a distorted perception of one’s own body.
Symptoms of bulimia nervosa include episodes of binge eating (eating more than you should or more than you feel comfortable consuming) followed by episodes of purging the excess calories – usually through vomiting, but sometimes through extreme exercise or laxatives.
There is usually an intense feeling of shame or guilt associated with the binging. , Be supportive, but be receptive to what you think that they really need.
Don't make false promises and try to convince them that everything will be okay if it seems like that isn’t what they need to hear.Some people just want a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, not someone to tell them how to fix things.
You need to comfort them with love and support no matter what. , Make sure you explicitly state your support of the person so they don’t feel like you are attacking them.
Choose your words carefully so that you don’t alienate or upset the person.
You want to make them feel safe and comfortable talking to you.Try to avoid the topic of food.
Focus on the person and your own feelings instead.
Never tell someone that they are looking “healthier.” The individual will only hear that they've gained weight and it could be possibly triggering.
Consider using externalizing language to talk about the person’s eating disorder.
Some people have found that speaking about the eating disorder as if it is an outside entity can help them to fight back against it.
If the person is open to it, consider referring to the eating disorder as “Ed” or choosing another name to describe the eating disorder rather than linking it with the person., These kinds of negative statements are just attempts at manipulation on your part.
You want them to change their behavior, so it is tempting to try to convince them in whatever way possible.
However, these methods won’t work because they have to change for themselves, not for you.Avoid accusatory “you” statements like “you need to eat something” or “you have to stop making yourself sick.” They will not be influenced solely by words if it is a serious eating disorder.
This will just upset them and make them feel more frustrated because they will feel that no one understands them.
Instead, use “I” statements like “I feel scared when I hear you vomiting” or “I’m concerned about your health.” -
Step 3: Be receptive.
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Step 4: Use the right language.
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Step 5: Avoid shaming
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Step 6: blaming
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Step 7: or guilting.
Detailed Guide
Research what it means to suffer from an eating disorder, how people cope with it, and what steps can be taken to overcome the problem.
It is important that you have at least a little bit of background knowledge so the person will listen to you and think that you are someone they can talk to about their problem.The more you learn about their condition, the better equipped you’ll be to approach them with your concern.
They may be suffering from extreme levels of anxiety or depression that you are unaware of.
But learning about the condition might make you realize that these factors could be affecting them too.
If you suspect someone you care about is suffering from an eating disorder, make sure you do a little checking before you broach the subject with them.
It is important to recognize the symptoms so you don’t make any false accusations or unnecessarily bring up a tough subject.Symptoms of anorexia nervosa include abnormally low body weight, taking extreme measures to control body weight (including laxatives, diet pills, or intense exercising), and a distorted perception of one’s own body.
Symptoms of bulimia nervosa include episodes of binge eating (eating more than you should or more than you feel comfortable consuming) followed by episodes of purging the excess calories – usually through vomiting, but sometimes through extreme exercise or laxatives.
There is usually an intense feeling of shame or guilt associated with the binging. , Be supportive, but be receptive to what you think that they really need.
Don't make false promises and try to convince them that everything will be okay if it seems like that isn’t what they need to hear.Some people just want a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, not someone to tell them how to fix things.
You need to comfort them with love and support no matter what. , Make sure you explicitly state your support of the person so they don’t feel like you are attacking them.
Choose your words carefully so that you don’t alienate or upset the person.
You want to make them feel safe and comfortable talking to you.Try to avoid the topic of food.
Focus on the person and your own feelings instead.
Never tell someone that they are looking “healthier.” The individual will only hear that they've gained weight and it could be possibly triggering.
Consider using externalizing language to talk about the person’s eating disorder.
Some people have found that speaking about the eating disorder as if it is an outside entity can help them to fight back against it.
If the person is open to it, consider referring to the eating disorder as “Ed” or choosing another name to describe the eating disorder rather than linking it with the person., These kinds of negative statements are just attempts at manipulation on your part.
You want them to change their behavior, so it is tempting to try to convince them in whatever way possible.
However, these methods won’t work because they have to change for themselves, not for you.Avoid accusatory “you” statements like “you need to eat something” or “you have to stop making yourself sick.” They will not be influenced solely by words if it is a serious eating disorder.
This will just upset them and make them feel more frustrated because they will feel that no one understands them.
Instead, use “I” statements like “I feel scared when I hear you vomiting” or “I’m concerned about your health.”
About the Author
Kevin Perez
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow practical skills tutorials.
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