How to Spot Signs of Victim Mentality
Look for signs of blame., Determine if you are always calling others to complain., Identify self-loathing., Decide if you are hung up by past mistakes., Spot comparisons., Identify an external locus of control., Know legitimate reasons for feeling...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Look for signs of blame.
A major indicator of the victim mentality is the tendency to place blame on outside sources for the state you are in.
Maybe you blame your spouse because you stopped going out with friends and ended up feeling socially isolated.
Maybe you blame your parents for not exposing you to certain opportunities in life that would ensure your future success.
No matter where blame is directed, it’s essentially useless.
When you blame others, you give them power over your life instead of taking your destiny into your own hands.
What’s more, you also push people away in the process. -
Step 2: Determine if you are always calling others to complain.
Do you spend most days of the week lamenting to any who will listen about your problems or inadequacies? Do you notice friends slowly not taking your phone calls or people avoiding you at work? Even the best relationships have trouble surviving when one person always has something bad to share.
Complaining can be a tempting behavior and nonstop venting may seem to make you feel good on the surface.
However, constant complaining sends the message to your brain to look for the negative, which only makes you feel worse in the long run., Feeling inadequate and not good enough is at the core of the victim mentality.
A self-loather often views him/herself negatively and is always nervously waiting for others to spot all their inadequacies.
This kind of person is terribly hard to be in a relationship with because they cannot accept praise or compliments.
Someone else may say “Wow, you did a great job on this project!” and the person pushes away the compliment with “Oh, no it was Tommy who did all the work.” One way to stop self-loathing is to accept the reality that how you see yourself isn’t the only or right way for you to be.
Recognize that others' perceptions of you may be different, but, at least to them, they may also be accurate., Another clear sign of being a victim is living in the past.
You may constantly reflect back on your earlier years and regret decisions or actions that you didn’t take.
Dwelling in the past is pointless since you can never go back there.
Do you find yourself falling into the shoulda, woulda, coulda trap? If so, you must recognize that you are wasting time today focusing on what’s already done.
Instead turn to the present and see what you steps you can take to improve from here. , If you find yourself always examining the lives of friends, family, or other acquaintances and thinking about how great they have it, you are keeping yourself stuck in misery and failure.
Theodore Roosevelt argued that “comparison is the thief of joy” because it’s virtually impossible to be content with your own life when you are always busy measuring yourself up to others.
In some instances, comparisons can spark competition to improve yourself.
For example, you notice that a coworker is well on his way to earning a promotion, you may then be inspired to work equally as hard.Yet, if it is not used wisely and carefully, it can backfire and leave you miserable.
Keep a careful watch on your comparing nature, and remind yourself that even people that seem to have it all together also deal with trials and tribulations just like you. , Having an internal locus of control means that you feel like you can influence the outcome of your own situation.
However, having an external locus of control means that you feel like you cannot influence the outcome of your situation because the situation controls you.
This is a sign of victim mentality.For example, if your boss is unsatisfied with your performance and gives you a negative review, then you might think to yourself, "He is impossible to please.
Guess I am going to get fired." This would indicate an external locus of control and a victim mentality.
On the other hand, someone who has an internal locus of control might respond to a negative performance review more proactively, such as by thinking, "Okay, that sucked, but what can I do to improve my performance, ensure that my boss is happy, and secure my job?" Work on developing your sense of control over your life circumstances and events to overcome this aspect of victim mentality. , In general, taking on a victim mentality is unhealthy for you personally and socially.
However, there are some situations when feeling like a victim is warranted, particularly in situations when you have been harmed physically or emotionally.
For instance, almost anyone is bound to feel sorry for themselves after being betrayed or cheated on by a lover.
Or, after having a serious car accident that results in you having to use a wheelchair.
In spite of these circumstances, it's still important for you not to wallow in self-pity or ruminate about how bad your situation is.Taking the positive route is an overall healthier and more adaptive approach and can improve your self-esteem in the long run. -
Step 3: Identify self-loathing.
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Step 4: Decide if you are hung up by past mistakes.
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Step 5: Spot comparisons.
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Step 6: Identify an external locus of control.
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Step 7: Know legitimate reasons for feeling like a victim.
Detailed Guide
A major indicator of the victim mentality is the tendency to place blame on outside sources for the state you are in.
Maybe you blame your spouse because you stopped going out with friends and ended up feeling socially isolated.
Maybe you blame your parents for not exposing you to certain opportunities in life that would ensure your future success.
No matter where blame is directed, it’s essentially useless.
When you blame others, you give them power over your life instead of taking your destiny into your own hands.
What’s more, you also push people away in the process.
Do you spend most days of the week lamenting to any who will listen about your problems or inadequacies? Do you notice friends slowly not taking your phone calls or people avoiding you at work? Even the best relationships have trouble surviving when one person always has something bad to share.
Complaining can be a tempting behavior and nonstop venting may seem to make you feel good on the surface.
However, constant complaining sends the message to your brain to look for the negative, which only makes you feel worse in the long run., Feeling inadequate and not good enough is at the core of the victim mentality.
A self-loather often views him/herself negatively and is always nervously waiting for others to spot all their inadequacies.
This kind of person is terribly hard to be in a relationship with because they cannot accept praise or compliments.
Someone else may say “Wow, you did a great job on this project!” and the person pushes away the compliment with “Oh, no it was Tommy who did all the work.” One way to stop self-loathing is to accept the reality that how you see yourself isn’t the only or right way for you to be.
Recognize that others' perceptions of you may be different, but, at least to them, they may also be accurate., Another clear sign of being a victim is living in the past.
You may constantly reflect back on your earlier years and regret decisions or actions that you didn’t take.
Dwelling in the past is pointless since you can never go back there.
Do you find yourself falling into the shoulda, woulda, coulda trap? If so, you must recognize that you are wasting time today focusing on what’s already done.
Instead turn to the present and see what you steps you can take to improve from here. , If you find yourself always examining the lives of friends, family, or other acquaintances and thinking about how great they have it, you are keeping yourself stuck in misery and failure.
Theodore Roosevelt argued that “comparison is the thief of joy” because it’s virtually impossible to be content with your own life when you are always busy measuring yourself up to others.
In some instances, comparisons can spark competition to improve yourself.
For example, you notice that a coworker is well on his way to earning a promotion, you may then be inspired to work equally as hard.Yet, if it is not used wisely and carefully, it can backfire and leave you miserable.
Keep a careful watch on your comparing nature, and remind yourself that even people that seem to have it all together also deal with trials and tribulations just like you. , Having an internal locus of control means that you feel like you can influence the outcome of your own situation.
However, having an external locus of control means that you feel like you cannot influence the outcome of your situation because the situation controls you.
This is a sign of victim mentality.For example, if your boss is unsatisfied with your performance and gives you a negative review, then you might think to yourself, "He is impossible to please.
Guess I am going to get fired." This would indicate an external locus of control and a victim mentality.
On the other hand, someone who has an internal locus of control might respond to a negative performance review more proactively, such as by thinking, "Okay, that sucked, but what can I do to improve my performance, ensure that my boss is happy, and secure my job?" Work on developing your sense of control over your life circumstances and events to overcome this aspect of victim mentality. , In general, taking on a victim mentality is unhealthy for you personally and socially.
However, there are some situations when feeling like a victim is warranted, particularly in situations when you have been harmed physically or emotionally.
For instance, almost anyone is bound to feel sorry for themselves after being betrayed or cheated on by a lover.
Or, after having a serious car accident that results in you having to use a wheelchair.
In spite of these circumstances, it's still important for you not to wallow in self-pity or ruminate about how bad your situation is.Taking the positive route is an overall healthier and more adaptive approach and can improve your self-esteem in the long run.
About the Author
Jeffrey Wright
Jeffrey Wright has dedicated 1 years to mastering lifestyle and practical guides. As a content creator, Jeffrey focuses on providing actionable tips and step-by-step guides.
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