How to Stop Being a Bore
Practice active listening., Ask complicated, rather than simple, get to know you questions., Respond to the listener’s body language and level of attention., Tell a funny story., Consider joining a Toastmaster’s club to improve your speaking...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Practice active listening.
One of the best ways to be an engaging conversationalist is to focus on active listening, where you listen and respond to someone in a way that improves mutual understanding.
Practicing active listening means viewing every conversation as a learning opportunity or as a way to get to know someone better.
When you actively listen to someone, they can tell you are fully engaged in what they are saying.
They will also be able to tell that you are ready to respond to their comments with energy and engagement, making your conversations less boring and meaningless.Practice active listening with a sympathetic friend.
Allow the friend to talk to you about her day or her latest hobby and focus your attentions fully on her.
Let her finish speaking without interrupting her, but nod, make eye contact, and smile to show you are engaged.
Then, repeat what she said to you back to her in your own words.
Phrase this with, “What I hear you saying is…” or “I think you mean…” Once she agrees that you have understood what she told you, you can then respond to what she told you and offer advice or a comment.
This will show that you are interested in what she says and ready to respond to her thoughts.
She can then feel it is appropriate to actively listen to you, leading to more fulfilling and clear conversations. -
Step 2: Ask complicated
Often, it can be boring to ask simple, small talk questions like, “How old are you?” or “Where did you grow up?” when you first meet someone at a social event or a party.
While it is important to show interest in someone’s background or life, asking familiar questions can kill any interesting or meaningful conversation.
Instead, think about more complicated or nuanced questions you can ask someone when you first meet them.
This will show you are actually curious about someone and not just trying to be polite or make small talk.For example, you could ask someone you just met, “What’s the most exciting thing you’re working on right now?” or “How do you know the host?” Try to strike a balance between casual and engaged, where the person is interested enough in your question to respond to it.
Avoid questions that can be answered with a “yes” or “no”.
Go for open ended questions like “What was the highlight of your day today?” or “Working on anything exciting right now?” Skip right over the small talk questions and get to the more interesting stuff.
Chances are your audience will appreciate not having to talk about where they’re from originally or their age. , When you are talking to someone, steal a quick glance at her body language.
Note if her body is facing you, with her hands relaxed and at her sides.
Pay attention to her level of eye contact and if she encourages you to keep talking by nodding, smiling, and looking at you.
If she has her arms crossed and responds to you by saying “Oh, that’s really interesting” or “Really? I had no idea” while avoiding eye contact with you, she may not be very interested in what you are saying and you may be boring her.If you notice her body language is closed and she does not seem engaged, you may want to shift the direction of the conversation.
Throw in an engaging question, like “What was the highlight of your day?” or “What’s your story?” Shift gears by telling a story about the host of the party or a brief, funny joke.
You can also fall back on safe topics of conversation, like the latest television shows or the latest movies everyone is talking about.
Avoid bringing up religion, money, and politics, unless you are truly at a loss for how to save a boring conversation and want to rely on these taboo topics as a last resort. , Liven up a dull conversation with a funny story and tell it with energy and engagement.
Introduce the story by relating it to something someone just said or to a train of thought that you are discussing with a group of people.
You can introduce it by saying “You know, that reminds me of the time…” or “It’s funny you should mention that, something crazy happened to me the other day…” Keep the story brief and get to the first laugh quick, within the first thirty seconds of telling the story.
If you can’t get to the laugh in the first thirty seconds, try to keep the first thirty seconds as entertaining as possible.
Use your hands to gesture and act out the story and maintain eye contact with the other person or with the group as you tell the story.
Be confident and avoid long pauses or tripping over your words.
Try to end the story on the biggest laugh so everyone is entertained and engaged.
It’s okay if you don’t get a big laugh.
Even a chuckle or a shake of the head and a smile will be a sign that your audience is interested in the story and not bored with what you had to say. , If you’d like more practice engaging strangers in conversation and telling entertaining stories and anecdotes, you may consider joining your local Toastmaster’s club.
Toastmaster’s is a non profit organization that helps members build leadership skills and public speaking skills.
As a member, you will have to write and present talks on a variety of subjects to a room of other members.
You will also get feedback on your public speaking abilities and learn other ways to be comfortable in a social setting.A list of Toastmaster’s by country and state can be found on the Toastmaster’s website: https://www.toastmasters.org/Find-a-Club. -
Step 3: rather than simple
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Step 4: get to know you questions.
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Step 5: Respond to the listener’s body language and level of attention.
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Step 6: Tell a funny story.
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Step 7: Consider joining a Toastmaster’s club to improve your speaking abilities.
Detailed Guide
One of the best ways to be an engaging conversationalist is to focus on active listening, where you listen and respond to someone in a way that improves mutual understanding.
Practicing active listening means viewing every conversation as a learning opportunity or as a way to get to know someone better.
When you actively listen to someone, they can tell you are fully engaged in what they are saying.
They will also be able to tell that you are ready to respond to their comments with energy and engagement, making your conversations less boring and meaningless.Practice active listening with a sympathetic friend.
Allow the friend to talk to you about her day or her latest hobby and focus your attentions fully on her.
Let her finish speaking without interrupting her, but nod, make eye contact, and smile to show you are engaged.
Then, repeat what she said to you back to her in your own words.
Phrase this with, “What I hear you saying is…” or “I think you mean…” Once she agrees that you have understood what she told you, you can then respond to what she told you and offer advice or a comment.
This will show that you are interested in what she says and ready to respond to her thoughts.
She can then feel it is appropriate to actively listen to you, leading to more fulfilling and clear conversations.
Often, it can be boring to ask simple, small talk questions like, “How old are you?” or “Where did you grow up?” when you first meet someone at a social event or a party.
While it is important to show interest in someone’s background or life, asking familiar questions can kill any interesting or meaningful conversation.
Instead, think about more complicated or nuanced questions you can ask someone when you first meet them.
This will show you are actually curious about someone and not just trying to be polite or make small talk.For example, you could ask someone you just met, “What’s the most exciting thing you’re working on right now?” or “How do you know the host?” Try to strike a balance between casual and engaged, where the person is interested enough in your question to respond to it.
Avoid questions that can be answered with a “yes” or “no”.
Go for open ended questions like “What was the highlight of your day today?” or “Working on anything exciting right now?” Skip right over the small talk questions and get to the more interesting stuff.
Chances are your audience will appreciate not having to talk about where they’re from originally or their age. , When you are talking to someone, steal a quick glance at her body language.
Note if her body is facing you, with her hands relaxed and at her sides.
Pay attention to her level of eye contact and if she encourages you to keep talking by nodding, smiling, and looking at you.
If she has her arms crossed and responds to you by saying “Oh, that’s really interesting” or “Really? I had no idea” while avoiding eye contact with you, she may not be very interested in what you are saying and you may be boring her.If you notice her body language is closed and she does not seem engaged, you may want to shift the direction of the conversation.
Throw in an engaging question, like “What was the highlight of your day?” or “What’s your story?” Shift gears by telling a story about the host of the party or a brief, funny joke.
You can also fall back on safe topics of conversation, like the latest television shows or the latest movies everyone is talking about.
Avoid bringing up religion, money, and politics, unless you are truly at a loss for how to save a boring conversation and want to rely on these taboo topics as a last resort. , Liven up a dull conversation with a funny story and tell it with energy and engagement.
Introduce the story by relating it to something someone just said or to a train of thought that you are discussing with a group of people.
You can introduce it by saying “You know, that reminds me of the time…” or “It’s funny you should mention that, something crazy happened to me the other day…” Keep the story brief and get to the first laugh quick, within the first thirty seconds of telling the story.
If you can’t get to the laugh in the first thirty seconds, try to keep the first thirty seconds as entertaining as possible.
Use your hands to gesture and act out the story and maintain eye contact with the other person or with the group as you tell the story.
Be confident and avoid long pauses or tripping over your words.
Try to end the story on the biggest laugh so everyone is entertained and engaged.
It’s okay if you don’t get a big laugh.
Even a chuckle or a shake of the head and a smile will be a sign that your audience is interested in the story and not bored with what you had to say. , If you’d like more practice engaging strangers in conversation and telling entertaining stories and anecdotes, you may consider joining your local Toastmaster’s club.
Toastmaster’s is a non profit organization that helps members build leadership skills and public speaking skills.
As a member, you will have to write and present talks on a variety of subjects to a room of other members.
You will also get feedback on your public speaking abilities and learn other ways to be comfortable in a social setting.A list of Toastmaster’s by country and state can be found on the Toastmaster’s website: https://www.toastmasters.org/Find-a-Club.
About the Author
Matthew Graham
Creates helpful guides on home improvement to inspire and educate readers.
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