How to Stop Being Confrontational
Note the physical signs of emotion., Breathe deeply., Don’t butt in., Get a rain check., Use other strategies to manage your stress.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Note the physical signs of emotion.
Most often anger, frustration, or some other strong emotion is behind our tendency to lash out at others.
Emotion puts you in a fight-or-flight mode, which means that your body will show physical signs of increased tension.
Learn to recognize these signs – it will help you nip your reaction in the bud and lessen the chance of confrontation.Pay attention to how you feel.
Are you tense, anxious, or frustrated? Do you feel your heart starting to race? Your emotions are rising.
Note your body language, too.
Our emotional state often translates into the body language we take, and you may be showing an aggressive posture.
Are you frowning or sneering? Have you clenched your fists into balls? Do you have something to say? You may also have a strong urge in a confrontational mood to interrupt. -
Step 2: Breathe deeply.
You’re more likely to be combative and less likely to process information and listen when your body is in a fight-or-flight mode.
To calm yourself, try to breathe slowly and with measured breaths.
This should help to relax your central nervous system.Breathe deliberately.
Inhale and exhale slowly, counting to five both ways, and take a long and deep breath before saying anything.
Don’t talk too fast! Slow down if your thoughts and speech are racing and remember to breathe. , When you’re feeling confrontational, you want to dispute and challenge other people.
Interrupting to quibble about a point or a criticism is a dead give-away that you’re being difficult and is not helpful behavior – it makes you seem aggressive and insecure.
It also means that your emotions are still out of control.Make yourself count to ten every time that you have the urge to interrupt.
It’s likely that the conversation will have passed to something else after ten seconds and your point won’t matter.
Try going all the way to twenty if you’re still tempted.
Make an effort to stop when you butt in, too.
Catch yourself, stop talking, and apologize to the other person for rudely interrupting. , You might find that your emotions are too high to have a calm discussion.
In that case, ask the other person if you can continue the conversation later and politely excuse yourself.
No one will benefit from a talk if you’re being overly confrontational.
Put off the conversation, but don’t avoid it.
Ask for a rain check, i.e. “Bill, can we have this talk a bit later? Now’s not a good time for me.
How are you later this afternoon?” Express the importance of the conversation to the other person as you excuse yourself, too, i.e. “I realize that this subject is important for you, Tasha, and I want to discuss it calmly with you.
But I’m sort of worked up at the moment.
Let’s try later.” , Emotion and confrontation breed stress.
Try to find strategies so that you can better manage your stress, relax, and release the tension that is behind your tendency to be combative.
Less stress will also improve your physical wellbeing.Experiment with techniques that slow your breathing, focus your mind, and relax your body.
Learn to meditate, for example, or try yoga or tai chi.
Other forms of exercise also have a relaxing effect.
You’ll feel more at ease and calm after walking, running, team sports, swimming, or other kinds of workouts. -
Step 3: Don’t butt in.
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Step 4: Get a rain check.
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Step 5: Use other strategies to manage your stress.
Detailed Guide
Most often anger, frustration, or some other strong emotion is behind our tendency to lash out at others.
Emotion puts you in a fight-or-flight mode, which means that your body will show physical signs of increased tension.
Learn to recognize these signs – it will help you nip your reaction in the bud and lessen the chance of confrontation.Pay attention to how you feel.
Are you tense, anxious, or frustrated? Do you feel your heart starting to race? Your emotions are rising.
Note your body language, too.
Our emotional state often translates into the body language we take, and you may be showing an aggressive posture.
Are you frowning or sneering? Have you clenched your fists into balls? Do you have something to say? You may also have a strong urge in a confrontational mood to interrupt.
You’re more likely to be combative and less likely to process information and listen when your body is in a fight-or-flight mode.
To calm yourself, try to breathe slowly and with measured breaths.
This should help to relax your central nervous system.Breathe deliberately.
Inhale and exhale slowly, counting to five both ways, and take a long and deep breath before saying anything.
Don’t talk too fast! Slow down if your thoughts and speech are racing and remember to breathe. , When you’re feeling confrontational, you want to dispute and challenge other people.
Interrupting to quibble about a point or a criticism is a dead give-away that you’re being difficult and is not helpful behavior – it makes you seem aggressive and insecure.
It also means that your emotions are still out of control.Make yourself count to ten every time that you have the urge to interrupt.
It’s likely that the conversation will have passed to something else after ten seconds and your point won’t matter.
Try going all the way to twenty if you’re still tempted.
Make an effort to stop when you butt in, too.
Catch yourself, stop talking, and apologize to the other person for rudely interrupting. , You might find that your emotions are too high to have a calm discussion.
In that case, ask the other person if you can continue the conversation later and politely excuse yourself.
No one will benefit from a talk if you’re being overly confrontational.
Put off the conversation, but don’t avoid it.
Ask for a rain check, i.e. “Bill, can we have this talk a bit later? Now’s not a good time for me.
How are you later this afternoon?” Express the importance of the conversation to the other person as you excuse yourself, too, i.e. “I realize that this subject is important for you, Tasha, and I want to discuss it calmly with you.
But I’m sort of worked up at the moment.
Let’s try later.” , Emotion and confrontation breed stress.
Try to find strategies so that you can better manage your stress, relax, and release the tension that is behind your tendency to be combative.
Less stress will also improve your physical wellbeing.Experiment with techniques that slow your breathing, focus your mind, and relax your body.
Learn to meditate, for example, or try yoga or tai chi.
Other forms of exercise also have a relaxing effect.
You’ll feel more at ease and calm after walking, running, team sports, swimming, or other kinds of workouts.
About the Author
Rachel King
Committed to making organization accessible and understandable for everyone.
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