How to Stop Being Judgmental and Prejudiced
Learn why prejudice exists., Reach out to people who are different., Recognize when you're judging someone., Figure out the roots of your prejudice., Accept your true self does not have to be prejudiced.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Learn why prejudice exists.
This can help you understand the roots of your thinking.
Studies indicate people are born with an innate tendency to be drawn to those similar to them and judge those who are different.
One study showed a 3-month old baby preferred people who ate the same cereal she did, and distanced herself from those who did not.Say you are religious and have been married for 20 years.
You meet an unmarried couple in an open relationship.
As this is different than your lifestyle and preferences, you may have a knee-jerk response that this is "wrong." This is not that different than the baby's reaction to cereal.
These people have different values and preferences than you.
While this lifestyle may not work for you, does that mean it's wrong? Categorizing it in a negative fashion could be a biological response. -
Step 2: Reach out to people who are different.
Once you understand the irrational nature of prejudiced thoughts, actively challenge your assumptions.
When you find yourself judging another person, stop and ask yourself, "Where is this thought coming from?" and "Is this thought fair?" Then, you can make an effort to get to know the person you're judging.When meeting someone whose behavior or appearance does not fit with your preconceived notions of "normal," be hyperaware of how you feel.
Are you making any assumptions? Are these assumptions rational? Are they fair? Instead of passing judgement, reach out.
If there's a co-worker in your office who has a different religion than you, get to know her.
The more you learn about people from different countries, cultures, races, and religions, the more you will see your prejudice is not rational.
With practice, you can actually abandon some prejudicial responses adopted early in life. , Even if you work hard to be aware, you will still judge people.
Unfortunately, most people have days where they pass judgements, whether they mean to or not.
The best way to deal with this is to work actively on being aware.Remind yourself of what you do not know.
People have a natural tendency to want a full picture, and we fill in the gaps with people we do not know.
Often, the information we use to fill in these gaps comes from stereotypes based on things like race, class, religion, and so on.
For example, say you see someone in tattered clothing getting on the subway at night.
You may assume he is homeless, and will therefore bother you.
Stop.
This man may not be homeless, for one, and if he is, he may not be asking for money.
Take a deep breath and think, "I do not know this person.
I cannot predict his behavior."
Do you pass judgement on a particular group of people? If so, why? If you can figure out the roots of prejudiced thoughts, this can help you see how they are irrational.
For example, say you believe all members of the opposite sex are irrational, controlling, and manipulative.
Where does this come from? Maybe you had a difficult relationship with your parent of the opposite sex.
Maybe you've dated people of the opposite sex who have been difficult.
When confronted with this, you may think, "Well, yes, but most men/women I meet tend to be difficult." Is this really true though? There's something called a confirmation bias.
When we have deep-seated beliefs about a group of people, we see those beliefs reflected in innocent actions.
Your co-worker Jamie offers to help you on a project, and you think, "Of course, he/she just has to be in control." Is this really true or are you projecting your own prejudice? Maybe Jamie is just trying to help.
Look for any past experiences you have that are affecting how you judge a large group of people.
Try to be aware when your past experiences are influencing your current opinions. , We all want to believe we have a "true self" deep down that completely reflects who we are as a person.
The truth about what constitutes you is vastly more complicated.
Just because you have the capacity for prejudiced beliefs does not mean you are doomed to prejudiced thought patterns.You may have some knee-jerk prejudices.
These may be innate, or may have been learned over time.
While this is unfortunate, should you really define yourself through your impulses alone? Our actions and choices make up a great deal of who we are as well.
Your "true self" is a combination of natural tendencies, experiences you have had, and the choices you have made.
If you're actively working against prejudiced thoughts each day, this speaks more to your true self than knee-jerk reactions.
Contrary to popular belief, people do have control over their true selves. -
Step 3: Recognize when you're judging someone.
-
Step 4: Figure out the roots of your prejudice.
-
Step 5: Accept your true self does not have to be prejudiced.
Detailed Guide
This can help you understand the roots of your thinking.
Studies indicate people are born with an innate tendency to be drawn to those similar to them and judge those who are different.
One study showed a 3-month old baby preferred people who ate the same cereal she did, and distanced herself from those who did not.Say you are religious and have been married for 20 years.
You meet an unmarried couple in an open relationship.
As this is different than your lifestyle and preferences, you may have a knee-jerk response that this is "wrong." This is not that different than the baby's reaction to cereal.
These people have different values and preferences than you.
While this lifestyle may not work for you, does that mean it's wrong? Categorizing it in a negative fashion could be a biological response.
Once you understand the irrational nature of prejudiced thoughts, actively challenge your assumptions.
When you find yourself judging another person, stop and ask yourself, "Where is this thought coming from?" and "Is this thought fair?" Then, you can make an effort to get to know the person you're judging.When meeting someone whose behavior or appearance does not fit with your preconceived notions of "normal," be hyperaware of how you feel.
Are you making any assumptions? Are these assumptions rational? Are they fair? Instead of passing judgement, reach out.
If there's a co-worker in your office who has a different religion than you, get to know her.
The more you learn about people from different countries, cultures, races, and religions, the more you will see your prejudice is not rational.
With practice, you can actually abandon some prejudicial responses adopted early in life. , Even if you work hard to be aware, you will still judge people.
Unfortunately, most people have days where they pass judgements, whether they mean to or not.
The best way to deal with this is to work actively on being aware.Remind yourself of what you do not know.
People have a natural tendency to want a full picture, and we fill in the gaps with people we do not know.
Often, the information we use to fill in these gaps comes from stereotypes based on things like race, class, religion, and so on.
For example, say you see someone in tattered clothing getting on the subway at night.
You may assume he is homeless, and will therefore bother you.
Stop.
This man may not be homeless, for one, and if he is, he may not be asking for money.
Take a deep breath and think, "I do not know this person.
I cannot predict his behavior."
Do you pass judgement on a particular group of people? If so, why? If you can figure out the roots of prejudiced thoughts, this can help you see how they are irrational.
For example, say you believe all members of the opposite sex are irrational, controlling, and manipulative.
Where does this come from? Maybe you had a difficult relationship with your parent of the opposite sex.
Maybe you've dated people of the opposite sex who have been difficult.
When confronted with this, you may think, "Well, yes, but most men/women I meet tend to be difficult." Is this really true though? There's something called a confirmation bias.
When we have deep-seated beliefs about a group of people, we see those beliefs reflected in innocent actions.
Your co-worker Jamie offers to help you on a project, and you think, "Of course, he/she just has to be in control." Is this really true or are you projecting your own prejudice? Maybe Jamie is just trying to help.
Look for any past experiences you have that are affecting how you judge a large group of people.
Try to be aware when your past experiences are influencing your current opinions. , We all want to believe we have a "true self" deep down that completely reflects who we are as a person.
The truth about what constitutes you is vastly more complicated.
Just because you have the capacity for prejudiced beliefs does not mean you are doomed to prejudiced thought patterns.You may have some knee-jerk prejudices.
These may be innate, or may have been learned over time.
While this is unfortunate, should you really define yourself through your impulses alone? Our actions and choices make up a great deal of who we are as well.
Your "true self" is a combination of natural tendencies, experiences you have had, and the choices you have made.
If you're actively working against prejudiced thoughts each day, this speaks more to your true self than knee-jerk reactions.
Contrary to popular belief, people do have control over their true selves.
About the Author
Barbara Henderson
A passionate writer with expertise in home improvement topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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