How to Stop Being Needy
Put on the brakes., Take off the rose-tinted glasses., Practice quid pro quo (a Latin phrase for "this for that")., Don't be suffocating., Recognize signs that the other person is no longer interested., Respect the other person's wishes., See if...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Put on the brakes.
Every relationship develops at its own pace, and there's no need to fast forward to being "soul mates" or "best friends forever" just because things feel great.
Cherish the novelty of it all and the excitement of having something new, because it'll never be new again.
It can be nerve-wracking not knowing how a certain connection is going to unfold, but it's also exciting! Be patient and learn to savor that excitement.
Don't try to push the connection into a stage that it's not ready for, or you'll miss the fun and create stress.
If you had a blast when you went out on Friday night, you probably can't wait to replicate the experience as soon as possible.
However, instead of calling up your friend first thing Saturday morning to make more plans, give it a few days.
Savor the fun time you had and give your friend the chance to savor it, too.
When it's time to hang out again, you'll both have had the chance to actually look forward to seeing each other, making your time together all the sweeter. -
Step 2: Take off the rose-tinted glasses.
Part of the reason people get disproportionately excited sometimes is because we tend to idealize others in the very beginning of a relationship.
When you first meet someone with whom you have a connection, it's so easy to get lost in fantasies of how awesome your friendship or relationship might be.
However, with those fantasies come high expectations, and sometimes those expectations are unrealistic! Right now you might think you want to spend all of your time with the person, but you're setting yourself up to be let down.
Make it a point to remind yourself that this new person in your life is human, which means they're not perfect.
They will make mistakes, and you need to be ready to cope and forgive, rather than act shocked that the person dares to be anything but perfect. , Imagine your interaction with this person is like a tennis or volleyball game.
Every time you initiate contact, you throw the ball to their side of the court.
Then, you have to wait for them to send it back.
You don't toss a whole bunch more just to make sure he or she is still interested in playing.
If you're a little on the needy side, you probably get nervous and worried while you're waiting.
When this happens, take a deep breath.
If you've already gotten in touch with someone (you sent them an e-mail or text message, or you gave them a call and left a voice message) there's no need to do it again.
Whenever you do get the urge to contact them again, remember that there are only a few possibilities here:
They haven't gotten the message yet.
They've been too busy or preoccupied to get back to you.
If you trust this person, then you have to give him or her the benefit of the doubt and assume this is the case.
They aren't interested in hanging out at the moment. , No matter how close you are to another person, spending all your time with him or her is going to get overwhelming.
Even if the person loves you, he or she is not going to want to be with you at every waking (and maybe sleeping) moment.
If you find it difficult to be away from the person for even a few minutes, you're almost definitely creating a situation that will eventually blow up in your face.
As hard as it might be, force yourself to back off and give the person some space.
Spend a few nights away, do activities you like to do, and don't call or text for a bit.
Your relationship will definitely improve, because the old adage that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true. , It happens sometimes for a variety of reasons, but one thing is for sure--showering the person with more attention will never change their mind.
Persistence is not the answer! Pulling away may be the person's way of jumping ship without confronting you.
Any prodding from you won't change the way they feel, and deep down inside, you know that.
If someone doesn't have the decency to respond, they're not worth your time.
You deserve better than that.
Think about whether the person is acting fickle.
Some people just aren't good about maintaining a friendship or relationship, and sometimes they're lazy, or forgetful.
More often, though, if someone isn't responsive, it's not because they forgot to call you back
- it's because they made a choice not to.
It might be that the other person just needs some time to focus on other things for awhile.
It doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship. , Getting ignored or iced out can feel like rejection
- well, it is rejection, and that really hurts.
But once someone has decided they're ready to move on, there's nothing you can do to force the issue.
Do your best to move on and resist the urge to be pushy.
Lashing out or trying to hurt the other person in return will only make the person grow even more distant. , If the person on your mind doesn't flat-out reject you, but he or she demonstrates flaky behavior and seems to be leading you on, think about whether you really want this person in your life.
Just because you want to spend time with your friend or significant other doesn't make you "needy." All relationships require some time and effort to maintain.
If the person is making you feel like you're asking for too much, but you know you're not being excessively needy, then maybe it's the other person who has a problem.
Decide how much time and attention you want to give the relationship, and figure out how much you expect in return.
If your expectations are reasonable, but you're always feeling let down or neglected, it might be time to find a new friend or significant other who makes you feel valued and cared for.
Relationships aren't easy to balance
- it often seems like one person is putting in more effort.
It's normal to have phases where one person is often busy and the other one seems to be calling and texting more.
However, if this is a constant pattern in your relationship, and you don't think it's going to change, get out of the relationship before it hurts your self-esteem. -
Step 3: Practice quid pro quo (a Latin phrase for "this for that").
-
Step 4: Don't be suffocating.
-
Step 5: Recognize signs that the other person is no longer interested.
-
Step 6: Respect the other person's wishes.
-
Step 7: See if your needs are being met.
Detailed Guide
Every relationship develops at its own pace, and there's no need to fast forward to being "soul mates" or "best friends forever" just because things feel great.
Cherish the novelty of it all and the excitement of having something new, because it'll never be new again.
It can be nerve-wracking not knowing how a certain connection is going to unfold, but it's also exciting! Be patient and learn to savor that excitement.
Don't try to push the connection into a stage that it's not ready for, or you'll miss the fun and create stress.
If you had a blast when you went out on Friday night, you probably can't wait to replicate the experience as soon as possible.
However, instead of calling up your friend first thing Saturday morning to make more plans, give it a few days.
Savor the fun time you had and give your friend the chance to savor it, too.
When it's time to hang out again, you'll both have had the chance to actually look forward to seeing each other, making your time together all the sweeter.
Part of the reason people get disproportionately excited sometimes is because we tend to idealize others in the very beginning of a relationship.
When you first meet someone with whom you have a connection, it's so easy to get lost in fantasies of how awesome your friendship or relationship might be.
However, with those fantasies come high expectations, and sometimes those expectations are unrealistic! Right now you might think you want to spend all of your time with the person, but you're setting yourself up to be let down.
Make it a point to remind yourself that this new person in your life is human, which means they're not perfect.
They will make mistakes, and you need to be ready to cope and forgive, rather than act shocked that the person dares to be anything but perfect. , Imagine your interaction with this person is like a tennis or volleyball game.
Every time you initiate contact, you throw the ball to their side of the court.
Then, you have to wait for them to send it back.
You don't toss a whole bunch more just to make sure he or she is still interested in playing.
If you're a little on the needy side, you probably get nervous and worried while you're waiting.
When this happens, take a deep breath.
If you've already gotten in touch with someone (you sent them an e-mail or text message, or you gave them a call and left a voice message) there's no need to do it again.
Whenever you do get the urge to contact them again, remember that there are only a few possibilities here:
They haven't gotten the message yet.
They've been too busy or preoccupied to get back to you.
If you trust this person, then you have to give him or her the benefit of the doubt and assume this is the case.
They aren't interested in hanging out at the moment. , No matter how close you are to another person, spending all your time with him or her is going to get overwhelming.
Even if the person loves you, he or she is not going to want to be with you at every waking (and maybe sleeping) moment.
If you find it difficult to be away from the person for even a few minutes, you're almost definitely creating a situation that will eventually blow up in your face.
As hard as it might be, force yourself to back off and give the person some space.
Spend a few nights away, do activities you like to do, and don't call or text for a bit.
Your relationship will definitely improve, because the old adage that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true. , It happens sometimes for a variety of reasons, but one thing is for sure--showering the person with more attention will never change their mind.
Persistence is not the answer! Pulling away may be the person's way of jumping ship without confronting you.
Any prodding from you won't change the way they feel, and deep down inside, you know that.
If someone doesn't have the decency to respond, they're not worth your time.
You deserve better than that.
Think about whether the person is acting fickle.
Some people just aren't good about maintaining a friendship or relationship, and sometimes they're lazy, or forgetful.
More often, though, if someone isn't responsive, it's not because they forgot to call you back
- it's because they made a choice not to.
It might be that the other person just needs some time to focus on other things for awhile.
It doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship. , Getting ignored or iced out can feel like rejection
- well, it is rejection, and that really hurts.
But once someone has decided they're ready to move on, there's nothing you can do to force the issue.
Do your best to move on and resist the urge to be pushy.
Lashing out or trying to hurt the other person in return will only make the person grow even more distant. , If the person on your mind doesn't flat-out reject you, but he or she demonstrates flaky behavior and seems to be leading you on, think about whether you really want this person in your life.
Just because you want to spend time with your friend or significant other doesn't make you "needy." All relationships require some time and effort to maintain.
If the person is making you feel like you're asking for too much, but you know you're not being excessively needy, then maybe it's the other person who has a problem.
Decide how much time and attention you want to give the relationship, and figure out how much you expect in return.
If your expectations are reasonable, but you're always feeling let down or neglected, it might be time to find a new friend or significant other who makes you feel valued and cared for.
Relationships aren't easy to balance
- it often seems like one person is putting in more effort.
It's normal to have phases where one person is often busy and the other one seems to be calling and texting more.
However, if this is a constant pattern in your relationship, and you don't think it's going to change, get out of the relationship before it hurts your self-esteem.
About the Author
Jennifer Sanchez
A passionate writer with expertise in cooking topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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