How to Stop Being Too Hard on Yourself
Recognize that you are being too hard on yourself., Forgive yourself for past mistakes or failures., Write down three good things every day., Review your list of things you are grateful for., Focus on future goals., Stop discounting your own ideas...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Recognize that you are being too hard on yourself.
You should recognize signs that you are being too hard on yourself.
For instance, you may criticize yourself a lot for not living up to who you think you should be or struggle with negative thoughts about yourself.
It is important to recognize the specific ways in which you are being too hard on yourself and how they may be impacting your work or personal life.
A few signs you may be too hard on yourself include:
Dwelling on negative thoughts and mistakes.
Feeling exhausted all the time.
Feeling guilty.
Not taking care of yourself when you get sick, such as refusing to use sick days.
Avoiding praise from friends or colleagues.
Comparing yourself to others in a way that makes you feel inadequate.
Feelings of inadequacy in relation to work or relationships.
Constant worry or anxiety about your life.
Inability to let go of past failures or mistakes in your life. -
Step 2: Forgive yourself for past mistakes or failures.
Forgive yourself for the specific thing you did wrong, so that you can repair your sense of self and move on with life.
You should make sure you have stopped doing whatever it is that you feel guilty or shameful about.
Then, forgive yourself for the specific thing that you feel bad about.If you have harmed someone important in your life, experienced failure or made a mistake at your workplace, you would benefit from forgiving yourself.If you forgive yourself before stopping the behavior you feel bad about, you may simply be letting yourself down.
For example, forgiving yourself for smoking can be a way of excusing a bad habit that is negatively impacting your life.
Instead, quit smoking and then forgive yourself for being a former smoker., In your journal or a notebook, write down three good things in your life.
Write about something good that happened in your day, how it happened and why you feel grateful.
It is helpful to write down three things you are grateful for on a daily basis, perhaps at the end of your day.If you were able to catch up with an old friend on the phone, you could write: “Got a chance to catch up with John.
It was so nice to hear from him.
I ran into him at the party the other week and suggested we catch up on the phone.
I’m happy we were able to reconnect.” If you made time in your day for a nice breakfast in the morning, you could write: “I woke up a bit earlier this morning and enjoyed a really delicious breakfast.
I had time for a second cup of coffee at home before going to work, which was lovely.” If your kids were well behaved after school, you could note: “Sara and Dave got their homework done after school.
They didn’t tease or fight today.
Feel grateful for some signs of improved behavior.” , Every once in a while, such as once a week, you should review the list of positive things in your life.This practice will allow you to turn your attention away from self-criticism and towards gratitude, which is very important for self-esteem and a positive outlook on life.Practicing gratitude can increase your sense of well-being and has multiple mental health benefits.If you wrote about being grateful for the friends in your life on Monday, about a nice meal on Wednesday and about a good sleep on Saturday, think about how lucky you are to have friends, rest and delicious food in your life. , Allow yourself to move on from past mistakes and failures.
Instead of focusing on the past, turn your attention towards your future goals or ambitions.
Consider what kinds of relationships and career advancements you want to achieve in the next year.If you want to make a career transition in the next year, think about a manageable goal that would allow you to start making this transition such as enrolling in a relevant course or talking to a friend in the field.
If you want to move up in your field, consider writing down a goal that would help with your career advancement.
If there is a certification that you need to advance in your field, consider how you could make room in your life to work on it. , Recognize the value in your ideas and share them with the world.
If you find yourself discounting your own ideas in relationships or at the workplace, you could stop being self-depreciating and start sharing ideas in small ways.Try sharing your ideas as a suggestion.
You could say: “I just had a thought about how this might work.
What if we did it this way.” Try saying: “I wrote some ideas down about our project last night.
I thought I would share a few of the key ideas I wrote down and get your feedback on them.” , Instead of refusing compliments from people in your life, you should try to accept them.
If someone gives you a compliment, try to smile and say “thank you.”Try accepting a compliment with one of these phrases:“Thanks so much, it means a lot to me.” “That is so sweet of you.
I really appreciate it and will also pass your compliment along to my colleague Jen, who helped me with the project.” You should avoid trying to give a better compliment to them.
For example, avoid saying: “That’s nice of you but you put way more work into it than I did.” -
Step 3: Write down three good things every day.
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Step 4: Review your list of things you are grateful for.
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Step 5: Focus on future goals.
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Step 6: Stop discounting your own ideas.
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Step 7: Accept compliments.
Detailed Guide
You should recognize signs that you are being too hard on yourself.
For instance, you may criticize yourself a lot for not living up to who you think you should be or struggle with negative thoughts about yourself.
It is important to recognize the specific ways in which you are being too hard on yourself and how they may be impacting your work or personal life.
A few signs you may be too hard on yourself include:
Dwelling on negative thoughts and mistakes.
Feeling exhausted all the time.
Feeling guilty.
Not taking care of yourself when you get sick, such as refusing to use sick days.
Avoiding praise from friends or colleagues.
Comparing yourself to others in a way that makes you feel inadequate.
Feelings of inadequacy in relation to work or relationships.
Constant worry or anxiety about your life.
Inability to let go of past failures or mistakes in your life.
Forgive yourself for the specific thing you did wrong, so that you can repair your sense of self and move on with life.
You should make sure you have stopped doing whatever it is that you feel guilty or shameful about.
Then, forgive yourself for the specific thing that you feel bad about.If you have harmed someone important in your life, experienced failure or made a mistake at your workplace, you would benefit from forgiving yourself.If you forgive yourself before stopping the behavior you feel bad about, you may simply be letting yourself down.
For example, forgiving yourself for smoking can be a way of excusing a bad habit that is negatively impacting your life.
Instead, quit smoking and then forgive yourself for being a former smoker., In your journal or a notebook, write down three good things in your life.
Write about something good that happened in your day, how it happened and why you feel grateful.
It is helpful to write down three things you are grateful for on a daily basis, perhaps at the end of your day.If you were able to catch up with an old friend on the phone, you could write: “Got a chance to catch up with John.
It was so nice to hear from him.
I ran into him at the party the other week and suggested we catch up on the phone.
I’m happy we were able to reconnect.” If you made time in your day for a nice breakfast in the morning, you could write: “I woke up a bit earlier this morning and enjoyed a really delicious breakfast.
I had time for a second cup of coffee at home before going to work, which was lovely.” If your kids were well behaved after school, you could note: “Sara and Dave got their homework done after school.
They didn’t tease or fight today.
Feel grateful for some signs of improved behavior.” , Every once in a while, such as once a week, you should review the list of positive things in your life.This practice will allow you to turn your attention away from self-criticism and towards gratitude, which is very important for self-esteem and a positive outlook on life.Practicing gratitude can increase your sense of well-being and has multiple mental health benefits.If you wrote about being grateful for the friends in your life on Monday, about a nice meal on Wednesday and about a good sleep on Saturday, think about how lucky you are to have friends, rest and delicious food in your life. , Allow yourself to move on from past mistakes and failures.
Instead of focusing on the past, turn your attention towards your future goals or ambitions.
Consider what kinds of relationships and career advancements you want to achieve in the next year.If you want to make a career transition in the next year, think about a manageable goal that would allow you to start making this transition such as enrolling in a relevant course or talking to a friend in the field.
If you want to move up in your field, consider writing down a goal that would help with your career advancement.
If there is a certification that you need to advance in your field, consider how you could make room in your life to work on it. , Recognize the value in your ideas and share them with the world.
If you find yourself discounting your own ideas in relationships or at the workplace, you could stop being self-depreciating and start sharing ideas in small ways.Try sharing your ideas as a suggestion.
You could say: “I just had a thought about how this might work.
What if we did it this way.” Try saying: “I wrote some ideas down about our project last night.
I thought I would share a few of the key ideas I wrote down and get your feedback on them.” , Instead of refusing compliments from people in your life, you should try to accept them.
If someone gives you a compliment, try to smile and say “thank you.”Try accepting a compliment with one of these phrases:“Thanks so much, it means a lot to me.” “That is so sweet of you.
I really appreciate it and will also pass your compliment along to my colleague Jen, who helped me with the project.” You should avoid trying to give a better compliment to them.
For example, avoid saying: “That’s nice of you but you put way more work into it than I did.”
About the Author
William Lewis
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow hobbies tutorials.
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