How to Stop Feeling Stupid when You Have Anxiety
Get some perspective., Avoid expecting perfection of yourself., Understand your limits., Forgive yourself for making mistakes., Challenge and replace negative thoughts., Seek therapy.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Get some perspective.
Anxiety can distort your perspective, making you feel like one mistake is the end of the world.
However, this is almost never true.
People are rarely as critical of you as you are of yourself, and they probably don’t even notice your mistakes as much as you do.Even if you make an obvious social mistake, people probably don’t hold it against you.
In fact, they may sympathize – everyone knows what it’s like to feel awkward or not know what to say.
You can get perspective by reading websites or blogs about people who are in your shoes.
See how they managed tough situations. -
Step 2: Avoid expecting perfection of yourself.
No one is perfect.
Even confident, outgoing people say or do awkward things in social situations sometimes.
Making a mistake doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Rather, it means you’re facing your fears and improving your social skills.Reduce perfectionism by practicing making mistakes.
Intentionally, make a grammatical error on a social media post or informal email.
Leave your home slightly messy for a few days.
Notice that the world doesn't end and people don't think any less of you for making these minor mistakes. , Treating anxiety works best when you work on matters a little bit at a time.
Take time to inventory what triggers your anxiety, and start working on those issues, first.
Build up gradually rather than trying to overcome too many obstacles at once, and focus on what is currently limiting you first.If, for example, you know being in large crowds is problematic for you, do not start by trying to get yourself to give a public speech.
Instead, progressively introduce yourself to larger social gatherings in settings where you don't have to be the center of attention.
Instead of focusing on what makes you anxious, ask yourself, "what aspect of this activity or situation causes me the most anxiety?" Focus on working within that limit first, and slowly work out from there. , Instead of dwelling on embarrassing moments for days, let go of them as quickly as you can.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your mistake wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
Then move on.Beating yourself up for past mistakes doesn’t do any good in the long run.
It just makes you more afraid to make mistakes in the future, which prevents you from growing as a person.
If you find yourself returning to the embarrassing moment after the fact, remind yourself that you already forgave yourself and moved past it. , Social anxiety thrives on negative thought patterns.
These thoughts – such as “I’m stupid,” “I’m hopeless,” or “I’ll never be able to talk to people” – are rarely based on rational thought, and they might be so ingrained that you don’t even notice them.
Focus on becoming aware of these thoughts when they happen.
Remind yourself that they are just bad habits and not true assessments of your character.Replace your negative thoughts with neutral or positive ones.
For instance, if you find yourself thinking “I’m so embarrassing around other people,” reframe it to, “I’m feeling self-conscious right now,” or switch your focus to a personal quality you’re proud of. , Social anxiety can be difficult to overcome alone, but therapy is usually very successful at treating it.
In particular, cognitive behavioral therapy is an effective tool for changing the thought patterns that create anxiety.
Group therapy can also help you overcome your fear of talking to people.Look for a therapist who has experience treating people with anxiety. -
Step 3: Understand your limits.
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Step 4: Forgive yourself for making mistakes.
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Step 5: Challenge and replace negative thoughts.
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Step 6: Seek therapy.
Detailed Guide
Anxiety can distort your perspective, making you feel like one mistake is the end of the world.
However, this is almost never true.
People are rarely as critical of you as you are of yourself, and they probably don’t even notice your mistakes as much as you do.Even if you make an obvious social mistake, people probably don’t hold it against you.
In fact, they may sympathize – everyone knows what it’s like to feel awkward or not know what to say.
You can get perspective by reading websites or blogs about people who are in your shoes.
See how they managed tough situations.
No one is perfect.
Even confident, outgoing people say or do awkward things in social situations sometimes.
Making a mistake doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Rather, it means you’re facing your fears and improving your social skills.Reduce perfectionism by practicing making mistakes.
Intentionally, make a grammatical error on a social media post or informal email.
Leave your home slightly messy for a few days.
Notice that the world doesn't end and people don't think any less of you for making these minor mistakes. , Treating anxiety works best when you work on matters a little bit at a time.
Take time to inventory what triggers your anxiety, and start working on those issues, first.
Build up gradually rather than trying to overcome too many obstacles at once, and focus on what is currently limiting you first.If, for example, you know being in large crowds is problematic for you, do not start by trying to get yourself to give a public speech.
Instead, progressively introduce yourself to larger social gatherings in settings where you don't have to be the center of attention.
Instead of focusing on what makes you anxious, ask yourself, "what aspect of this activity or situation causes me the most anxiety?" Focus on working within that limit first, and slowly work out from there. , Instead of dwelling on embarrassing moments for days, let go of them as quickly as you can.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your mistake wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
Then move on.Beating yourself up for past mistakes doesn’t do any good in the long run.
It just makes you more afraid to make mistakes in the future, which prevents you from growing as a person.
If you find yourself returning to the embarrassing moment after the fact, remind yourself that you already forgave yourself and moved past it. , Social anxiety thrives on negative thought patterns.
These thoughts – such as “I’m stupid,” “I’m hopeless,” or “I’ll never be able to talk to people” – are rarely based on rational thought, and they might be so ingrained that you don’t even notice them.
Focus on becoming aware of these thoughts when they happen.
Remind yourself that they are just bad habits and not true assessments of your character.Replace your negative thoughts with neutral or positive ones.
For instance, if you find yourself thinking “I’m so embarrassing around other people,” reframe it to, “I’m feeling self-conscious right now,” or switch your focus to a personal quality you’re proud of. , Social anxiety can be difficult to overcome alone, but therapy is usually very successful at treating it.
In particular, cognitive behavioral therapy is an effective tool for changing the thought patterns that create anxiety.
Group therapy can also help you overcome your fear of talking to people.Look for a therapist who has experience treating people with anxiety.
About the Author
Matthew Fox
A passionate writer with expertise in crafts topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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