How to Stop Lying to Yourself
Stop saying yes when you really mean no., Identify your defense mechanisms., Acknowledge when you're scared., Make a conscious effort to notice moments throughout the day when you're trying to be someone you're not., Recognize when you're...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Stop saying yes when you really mean no.
This is one of the biggest problems for many people who feel obliged to say "yes" to others for all sorts of reasons.
If those reasons aren't being true to caring for your own needs and time resources, then it's important to say no instead.
Saying "no" will, like everything else, take practice but you'll soon learn that people prefer to know that you mean it and that you're not going to let them down by saying yes but never doing it.
While some people may seem offended by a "no" when you'd usually say yes to them, often this indicates more about their own need to use you, in which case it's good for them to learn that you're standing up for yourself. -
Step 2: Identify your defense mechanisms.
Using defensiveness, victimization, anger, intellectualizing or outrage as means to promote your point of view while ignoring all others is a form of self deception.
When you get on your high horse and claim that others should adhere to your point of view, you are lying to yourself because your reactions are defense mechanisms, and disrespectful of the viewpoint of others.
That is not the real you.
The real you is the one whose passions, beliefs, values and preferences matter but should be vocalized and shown in constructive ways that help and nurture others, not treat them as targets to be won over to your point of view. , Lies are often something we tell when we want to protect ourselves.
The desire to protect is a response to something that you fear.
The more you acknowledge your fears, the less you'll need to lie.
Whenever you find yourself rationalizing something, or your intuition triggers some introspection, ask yourself: "What am I scared might happen?"
While it's great to learn from others and copycat things that have worked for them, taking this too far and trying to be them will result in you losing your sense of self and trying to be someone you're not.
Similarly, contorting yourself to meet others' expectations will erode your individuality, and break your spirit.
Don't do or say things just because another person does or expects you to; source the need to behave that way from within and if it's not true to yourself, either don't do it or tailor it completely to reflect your own self. , These sorts of lies to yourself will eventually cause you confusion, frustration and loss when you overestimate what you're capable of.
For some people, this can lead to fulfillment of the "Peter Principle"
where you allow yourself to be promoted beyond your skill set yet spend your time trying to vainly prove you're capable.
This can lead to burnout, a sense of failure and even a reduction in reputation as others discover you can't keep up in the way you said you would.
Exaggeration of this sort doesn't help you to get ahead and prevents you from being true to yourself.
Learn to be humble.
Share your vulnerabilities with other people.
This helps you to better connect with people who recognize the same vulnerabilities in themselves and it also shows them that you are authentic. , Saying that you'd like things to be different is one thing.
Action is another.
Many people lie to themselves by wishing that they'd win the lottery, receive an inheritance, find the perfect job, etc., and then simply get on with all they can't stand about their lives, passively waiting for... who knows what to happen.
You'll know this lie if you find yourself saying a lot: "If only." If only won't make changes for you; only your action and determination can do that. , Everyone has it, to some extent.
Realize that your truth is just that––your truth.
Don't lie to yourself by thinking that the way you see the world is the only way to see the world.
It's this kind of narrow approach that gets people into endless arguments from which they won't back down, as they try to enforce their reality onto others, denying the reality of anyone else. , It will probably take practice but once you're alert to the need to be more self-truthful, you'll catch yourself when you lie to yourself and start stopping it from happening.
Amazing things will happen as you are more truthful to yourself––you'll trust yourself more, you'll feel your self worth increase and you'll understand your limitations and when to rely on others rather than trying to "do it all" yourself.
You'll be more inclined to get on with things instead of moping or falling into self-piteous moments, and you'll have more energy because you're not holding up a front, concealing your true nature or worrying about hiding your vulnerabilities.
Ultimately, not lying to yourself is a way of giving others the gift of the real you, and on that they can rely. -
Step 3: Acknowledge when you're scared.
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Step 4: Make a conscious effort to notice moments throughout the day when you're trying to be someone you're not.
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Step 5: Recognize when you're exaggerating your abilities
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Step 6: accomplishments and skills.
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Step 7: Be wary of when you tell yourself that things are going to change but you do nothing to make this happen.
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Step 8: Acknowledge your tunnel vision.
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Step 9: Hold yourself to a high standard of internal truth telling.
Detailed Guide
This is one of the biggest problems for many people who feel obliged to say "yes" to others for all sorts of reasons.
If those reasons aren't being true to caring for your own needs and time resources, then it's important to say no instead.
Saying "no" will, like everything else, take practice but you'll soon learn that people prefer to know that you mean it and that you're not going to let them down by saying yes but never doing it.
While some people may seem offended by a "no" when you'd usually say yes to them, often this indicates more about their own need to use you, in which case it's good for them to learn that you're standing up for yourself.
Using defensiveness, victimization, anger, intellectualizing or outrage as means to promote your point of view while ignoring all others is a form of self deception.
When you get on your high horse and claim that others should adhere to your point of view, you are lying to yourself because your reactions are defense mechanisms, and disrespectful of the viewpoint of others.
That is not the real you.
The real you is the one whose passions, beliefs, values and preferences matter but should be vocalized and shown in constructive ways that help and nurture others, not treat them as targets to be won over to your point of view. , Lies are often something we tell when we want to protect ourselves.
The desire to protect is a response to something that you fear.
The more you acknowledge your fears, the less you'll need to lie.
Whenever you find yourself rationalizing something, or your intuition triggers some introspection, ask yourself: "What am I scared might happen?"
While it's great to learn from others and copycat things that have worked for them, taking this too far and trying to be them will result in you losing your sense of self and trying to be someone you're not.
Similarly, contorting yourself to meet others' expectations will erode your individuality, and break your spirit.
Don't do or say things just because another person does or expects you to; source the need to behave that way from within and if it's not true to yourself, either don't do it or tailor it completely to reflect your own self. , These sorts of lies to yourself will eventually cause you confusion, frustration and loss when you overestimate what you're capable of.
For some people, this can lead to fulfillment of the "Peter Principle"
where you allow yourself to be promoted beyond your skill set yet spend your time trying to vainly prove you're capable.
This can lead to burnout, a sense of failure and even a reduction in reputation as others discover you can't keep up in the way you said you would.
Exaggeration of this sort doesn't help you to get ahead and prevents you from being true to yourself.
Learn to be humble.
Share your vulnerabilities with other people.
This helps you to better connect with people who recognize the same vulnerabilities in themselves and it also shows them that you are authentic. , Saying that you'd like things to be different is one thing.
Action is another.
Many people lie to themselves by wishing that they'd win the lottery, receive an inheritance, find the perfect job, etc., and then simply get on with all they can't stand about their lives, passively waiting for... who knows what to happen.
You'll know this lie if you find yourself saying a lot: "If only." If only won't make changes for you; only your action and determination can do that. , Everyone has it, to some extent.
Realize that your truth is just that––your truth.
Don't lie to yourself by thinking that the way you see the world is the only way to see the world.
It's this kind of narrow approach that gets people into endless arguments from which they won't back down, as they try to enforce their reality onto others, denying the reality of anyone else. , It will probably take practice but once you're alert to the need to be more self-truthful, you'll catch yourself when you lie to yourself and start stopping it from happening.
Amazing things will happen as you are more truthful to yourself––you'll trust yourself more, you'll feel your self worth increase and you'll understand your limitations and when to rely on others rather than trying to "do it all" yourself.
You'll be more inclined to get on with things instead of moping or falling into self-piteous moments, and you'll have more energy because you're not holding up a front, concealing your true nature or worrying about hiding your vulnerabilities.
Ultimately, not lying to yourself is a way of giving others the gift of the real you, and on that they can rely.
About the Author
Charlotte Lee
Creates helpful guides on home improvement to inspire and educate readers.
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