How to Survive "Going to Hell in a Handbasket" Syndrome
Stay calm and quiet., Remember to honestly use the phrases of old: "I'm sorry., Focus: Assess your situation OR look at the bad and good that's taken place, and just see it for what it is., Acknowledge in private your part of the problem--regardless...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Stay calm and quiet.
Just because you're in the doghouse doesn't mean you can work through the problem without culture, manners and class.
Every problem has a solution but fuming or hollering is not it... -
Step 2: Remember to honestly use the phrases of old: "I'm sorry.
I was wrong! I made mistakes.
Please forgive me." That can be a big start
-- but it takes proving it, not just saying it! , When things seem so huge, monumental
-- don't look at that big picture.
Take a snapshot to work on one or a few problem(s), and live one day, every day, one day at a time.
If you don't know what you did or said, ask the people you know would tell you to your face and be prepared for them to be 110% honest. (You may or may not be a partier, who is life of the party and neglect your most important loved ones...) , It should start off as private as possible.
Say this and mean it: "That is not how I was raised.
That is not me.
How do I make things right?"
You see, "Love others (your neighbor) as you love yourself"
means to include everyone in doing right to all. , Better to do this than to plant the seed for an ulcer months or years from now.
The time for the "pity party" is right here.
Just make sure you're the only one who gets the invitation and RSVP's. , What could I have done differently?" Would it have been better all around if NOTHING had been said or NOTHING had been done? After that list is completed, study it and learn. , Get puzzling it through done and over with (and out)! , There is a movie of a father with four children who couldn't apologize
-- but he could cook.
What did he do after the funeral of his wife? He made what he told them was "apology stew" and served it to his kids.
That name and food said a lot.
They got well fed and received an apology unlike any other. , When you hear of what you can do or say, then do your best to do it or say it. , Learn from the expensive difficult lessons.
What about chances that a "natural disaster" caused the damage? Just realize you have no control over that part of events.
The list above are for when the problems are your fault
-- and your fault alone. ,, "Success and survival are making some progress each day
-- step-by-step
-- not reaching one big destination." -
Step 3: Focus: Assess your situation OR look at the bad and good that's taken place
-
Step 4: and just see it for what it is.
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Step 5: Acknowledge in private your part of the problem--regardless of size.
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Step 6: Ask God to forgive you; then ask God to help you forgive yourself.
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Step 7: Have "the good cry" (accepting responsibility in yourself alone) in private not with your mom or best cousin
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Step 8: get it out of your system...: there's little point in doing anything to only make things seem better -- but just on the surface -- if you flat out refuse to get the smoldering fires of hurts
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Step 9: anger and guilt out of your system.
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Step 10: Make a list of: "What I said that was wrong and stupid"; ask yourself "How could I have re-phrased it?
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Step 11: Forgive yourself and others -- and "forget" (reject feeding and fattening up the anger and bad feelings with sour fruits and bittersweets
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Step 12: acidic or caustic musings and grumblings).
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Step 13: Make a giant
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Step 14: sincere apology; do it up special: Studying it religiously
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Step 15: look at it from a fresh angle like
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Step 16: "What could I do; what could I say to make things right?"
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Step 17: Now that you've had the "pity party" and know the truth of what happened
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Step 18: "apologize to all"
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Step 19: and ask how you can make things right if possible or at least better.
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Step 20: Remind yourself often how "If I am 'very truthful' and I say this: 'If my being such a hard worker that beavers and bees would go on strike got me into the mess I'm in' -- then I can schedule to be available and at home more."
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Step 21: Work on the solutions (basic repairs/improvements)
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Step 22: not over-stressing on the problem itself: It will take tons of time to repair all the damage done
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Step 23: in any case.
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Step 24: Be thankful for what you have left and appreciate ALL sized steps of improvement and progress.
Detailed Guide
Just because you're in the doghouse doesn't mean you can work through the problem without culture, manners and class.
Every problem has a solution but fuming or hollering is not it...
I was wrong! I made mistakes.
Please forgive me." That can be a big start
-- but it takes proving it, not just saying it! , When things seem so huge, monumental
-- don't look at that big picture.
Take a snapshot to work on one or a few problem(s), and live one day, every day, one day at a time.
If you don't know what you did or said, ask the people you know would tell you to your face and be prepared for them to be 110% honest. (You may or may not be a partier, who is life of the party and neglect your most important loved ones...) , It should start off as private as possible.
Say this and mean it: "That is not how I was raised.
That is not me.
How do I make things right?"
You see, "Love others (your neighbor) as you love yourself"
means to include everyone in doing right to all. , Better to do this than to plant the seed for an ulcer months or years from now.
The time for the "pity party" is right here.
Just make sure you're the only one who gets the invitation and RSVP's. , What could I have done differently?" Would it have been better all around if NOTHING had been said or NOTHING had been done? After that list is completed, study it and learn. , Get puzzling it through done and over with (and out)! , There is a movie of a father with four children who couldn't apologize
-- but he could cook.
What did he do after the funeral of his wife? He made what he told them was "apology stew" and served it to his kids.
That name and food said a lot.
They got well fed and received an apology unlike any other. , When you hear of what you can do or say, then do your best to do it or say it. , Learn from the expensive difficult lessons.
What about chances that a "natural disaster" caused the damage? Just realize you have no control over that part of events.
The list above are for when the problems are your fault
-- and your fault alone. ,, "Success and survival are making some progress each day
-- step-by-step
-- not reaching one big destination."
About the Author
Heather Patel
Committed to making practical skills accessible and understandable for everyone.
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