How to Tell if Someone Is Using You

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Ask for clarification on the relationship’s status.

   Sometimes in relationships, you may feel uncertain about where things truly stand because the other person is either resistant to labeling the relationship or doesn’t consistently differentiate his or her feelings for you from others.
   
   This might occur when a man or woman is reluctant to call the other his or her “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” – to others, in front of others and to the other.
   
   In cases such as this, there’s a good chance you’re being used.
   
   This might also occur when, for example, your “best friend” calls several others her “best friend” as well, causing you to wonder about the true nature of your friendship.
   
   Often this happens because the person is happy with the situation as it is, wants to leave his or her options open, or doesn’t want to lose the benefits of being special to you.If you find yourself in this situation, ask how the other person defines the relationship and, if applicable, where he or she would like to see the relationship go in the future.
   
   If this doesn’t align with what you want, you might consider either severing ties or modifying your expectations of the other person and the relationship.
2. 2

   Step 2: Observe when you spend time together.

   You would be wise to question the motives of another person if you find a) that you typically spend time together when the other person is bored or wants or needs something (like someone to listen as your mother-in-law rants about how little she sees your husband), b) that the time is generally spent alone (like late at night), or c) that it’s time spent to fill a spot (like as a date to an event or as a last-minute bowling partner).
   
   In doing this, the other person’s needs and wishes not only disregard yours but also dictate one of the most fundamental aspects of any relationship – when you see the other person.If this is the case, you must decide if what you’re getting out of the relationship compensates for this, assuming it upsets you.
   
   And you must choose whether or not to discuss your feelings and/or your decision with the other person. , Conversely, pay attention to when you’re not together.
   
   For instance, are you rarely invited to dinner parties at your supposed friend’s home? Does a woman at work stop by your desk religiously after office meetings to make copies of your notes but fail to include you every day for lunch with “the girls”? When you need something, can you never track down the other person? While occasional oversights happen, repeatedly avoiding or not including you indicates the relationship might not be what you thought or wanted.
   
   Just as the other person dictates when you spend time together, the same is happening when you don’t spend time together.
   
   Here, too, you must decide on a course of action – to talk with the other person and see if things change or emotionally detach from a relationship you may have wanted but do not have. , When someone says he or she will do one thing but doesn’t follow through, it can become aggravating, especially if it becomes a pattern.
   
   This ultimately leads to you not trusting in the person or the relationship.In many cases, the commitment was made while also asking something of the other person.
   
   So, pay attention to whether anything is asked of you (or wanted from you) when a commitment or plans are made, but dropped.
   
   If you find they are, refuse to do what’s being asked or discuss the problem directly with the other person. , Users perpetually break promises and, in the process, are perpetually choosing to put something or someone else ahead of you.
   
   Often it’s that person.
   
   It’s also a good sign that he or she may not be very serious about you, that you’re not particularly significant or that you’re viewed as a push-over who won’t cause trouble even when taken advantage of.If you find yourself in this situation, express your feelings to the other person.
   
   If nothing changes, it may be time to say goodbye.
   
   More reliably green pastures do exist where friends, relatives, colleagues and romantic partners do actually keep their word. , Determine if what’s said to you is different from what’s said about you.
   
   Does your sister shower you with affection and tell you how important you are but then complain to your mother about how you’re never around when she needs you? Has a co-worker praised you for doing a great job on a project you helped him with but then grouched to other co-workers, saying you were so computer illiterate he might as well have done the work himself? If a person gossips about you or acts differently to you than he or she would when you’re around others, red flags with the words “ulterior motive” and/or “jealousy” imprinted on both sides should be waving in your mind’s eye.
   
   Think about who this person is to you really and decide how to best let go of (you don’t have to be friends with everyone) or handle (you do have to work with some people) a relationship with a person you cannot trust.
3. 3

   Step 3: Note when you don’t spend time together.

4. 4

   Step 4: Reject all talk and no action behavior.

5. 5

   Step 5: Don’t accept broken promises.

6. 6

   Step 6: Reflect on any mixed messages.

Detailed Guide

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