How to Tell Someone "NO!"
Use a direct “No.” When you are talking to a family member or a peer, it is often best to give a direct “no.” Sometimes this can be accompanied by an explanation of why you feel you cannot or will not meet the request, but it does not have to be...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Use a direct “No.” When you are talking to a family member or a peer
The key to a successful “no” in this situation is to make sure that your whole body says “no” and not just your mouth.
Look the person directly in the eye and say no clearly and firmly without hesitation.
If you do not look them in the eye and appear to hesitate, it gives the impression that you are not sure of your no.
This might lead someone to think that they can change your mind.
Special care should be taken in declining requests in romantic relationships.
It is okay to say no, but is usually best to be open with your partner about why their request has been declined.
Obliging to things you are uncomfortable with is not healthy, but neither is leaving your partner feeling rejected and confused. -
Step 2: it is often best to give a direct “no.” Sometimes this can be accompanied by an explanation of why you feel you cannot or will not meet the request
Steer the conversation in a way that allows you to show them why this request is not a good match for you (you’re too busy, someone else is better skilled in the area, etc.).A good example is when you are asked to do something that you simply do not have time to do.
In this situation, instead of saying no to your boss you can accept the request, but also ask for some assistance evaluating the priority level of the new task.
This will allow your boss to revisit your workload and better decide if that task should be delegated elsewhere, or if some of your other work should be moved to allow you to do the new job., This goes back to remembering that the request is probably important to the person asking you for help.
When you decline to help, regardless of your reasoning, it can help to convey that you wish them well.
Sometimes this can be as simple as saying “I hope it works out for you,” and other times you might be able to offer some sound advice such as “I know a person who would love to help with this.”, Not all “no’s” will be received well.
The person requesting help might continue to push the issue by making you feel guilty, harassing you, or intimidating you.
Offering an excuse will generally open a dialogue that they can manipulate to reinforce that their request should be the most important thing at this moment.
If you say no, mean no., If a person is polite, or if you have a standing relationship with that person, make it clear that they can come to you with future requests.
For example, the fact that you cannot help your coworker meet a last minute deadline that they forgot does not mean that you can’t work together another time. -
Step 3: but it does not have to be.
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Step 4: Use an indirect “No.” Saying no to a boss or customer can sometimes warrant a less direct approach.
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Step 5: Express encouragement to the other person.
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Step 6: Remain firm under pressure.
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Step 7: Leave the door open for future requests.
Detailed Guide
The key to a successful “no” in this situation is to make sure that your whole body says “no” and not just your mouth.
Look the person directly in the eye and say no clearly and firmly without hesitation.
If you do not look them in the eye and appear to hesitate, it gives the impression that you are not sure of your no.
This might lead someone to think that they can change your mind.
Special care should be taken in declining requests in romantic relationships.
It is okay to say no, but is usually best to be open with your partner about why their request has been declined.
Obliging to things you are uncomfortable with is not healthy, but neither is leaving your partner feeling rejected and confused.
Steer the conversation in a way that allows you to show them why this request is not a good match for you (you’re too busy, someone else is better skilled in the area, etc.).A good example is when you are asked to do something that you simply do not have time to do.
In this situation, instead of saying no to your boss you can accept the request, but also ask for some assistance evaluating the priority level of the new task.
This will allow your boss to revisit your workload and better decide if that task should be delegated elsewhere, or if some of your other work should be moved to allow you to do the new job., This goes back to remembering that the request is probably important to the person asking you for help.
When you decline to help, regardless of your reasoning, it can help to convey that you wish them well.
Sometimes this can be as simple as saying “I hope it works out for you,” and other times you might be able to offer some sound advice such as “I know a person who would love to help with this.”, Not all “no’s” will be received well.
The person requesting help might continue to push the issue by making you feel guilty, harassing you, or intimidating you.
Offering an excuse will generally open a dialogue that they can manipulate to reinforce that their request should be the most important thing at this moment.
If you say no, mean no., If a person is polite, or if you have a standing relationship with that person, make it clear that they can come to you with future requests.
For example, the fact that you cannot help your coworker meet a last minute deadline that they forgot does not mean that you can’t work together another time.
About the Author
Paul Wells
Committed to making cooking accessible and understandable for everyone.
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