How to Waste Time
Make a plan., Calculate some numbers., Imagine a crazy scenario., Make lists., Memorize something., Conjure up old memories., Challenge yourself., Invent new uses for the objects around you., Start useless arguments., Get on your computer., Take the...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Make a plan.
Set down whatever it is you should be doing and start planning something better.
There are so many situations you're just not ready for! Here are some ideas:
How to redecorate your bedroom Your next convo with Kim-Jong Un.
Your next vacation How to go outside without interacting with people How to make a plan How you'd take over the world What you could do under threat of zombie attack Okay, but seriously.
If zombies were to attack, which of your friends would you just have to leave behind because they'd slow you down? What skills should you start working on now just in case? You gotta be useful if and when the time comes. -
Step 2: Calculate some numbers.
What if the digits in your Social Security number equal 66? You probably don't know if they do, do you? Well find out! Here's a list of other things you could start calculating:
Your budget How many minutes you've been alive or the amount until your birthday/Christmas, etc.
Just what percent of $1 million you would give your loved ones and/or charity How many people you meet per year and what percentage of them you actually like , You can truly let your mind wander with this and hopefully stumble upon some veritable mind gold.
Sure, you've imagined yourself as a billionaire, as yachting in the Mediterranean with the Kardashians, as having your dream job, but have you tried really stretching the limits of your creativity? Imagine that you get locked in the bathroom sometime in the next thirty minutes.
How do you get out? Imagine that you have to teach a bear to dance or else.
What's your teaching methodology? Imagine if you turned into a werewolf right now.
What would be the first thing you'd probably do? Werewolves have little impulse control, so it's important to stay realistic.
Imagine having to go hunt or gather your lunch.
What would you end up eating? Imagine everyone around you wearing kilts.
After all, why not? , We're not talking about what you need at the grocery store
-- that'd actually be useful
-- we're talking about all these preferences you don't know you actually have.
Consider the following:
Make a list of all the words you can make with your name Make a list of the ten most attractive people you know Make a list of the ten ugliest people you know Make a list of questions you'd like the answers to Make a list of your most impressive moments Make a list of the times you failed horribly at life Make a list of the things you'd do and/or people you'd arrest if given dictatorial powers , The first 36 digits of pi? As simple as the Fibonacci sequence.
Here are a few things you could get to knowing like the back of your hand (if you have that memorized, that is):
The order of the books of the Bible The succession of the Kings of England The dates and verdicts of the most influential supreme court cases The lyrics to "Gangsta's Paradise" Who are we kidding? These are all totally useful. , Take a minute to sit back, relax, and remember your glory days.
They're there somewhere, right? Try to remember everyone on your bus this morning, or your commute to work.
What details can you recall? Recreate your bedroom in your head.
What spots are curiously empty? Remember what your best friends looked like when they were younger and your fondest memories together Recall the last time you complimented/shouted at/laughed at/helped out someone , Who needs other people? You can just challenge yourself! Best your own abilities! Try these on for size:
See how long you can go without blinking/breathing/talking/using the letter "n," etc.
See how many times you can fold a piece of paper How long you can hold a conversation with your cat before you freak out See how well you can balance
-- on your toes, a house of cards, a lonely game of Jenga, etc.
See how easily embarrassed you can get by publicly imitating an animal, walking around with your clothes on backwards, or singing near the top of your lungs. , That lamp on your desk? It's not just for light
-- it's a hat.
And that stapler is very clearly a maraca.
Get to actually thinking about your environment.
What have you been just taking at face value? That computer charger of yours? A new-age necklace or belt.
But it's not just clothes
-- that painting is a table, your clock is a frisbee and those ingredients in your kitchen are just asking to be in an invented-by-you recipe. , "Stalin was just the best ever" or "People just don't understand the anachronistic cultural significance behind The Bachelorette" oughta do it.
Just be sure you can keep a straight face and pick a topic people don't know you're pulling their legs on.
If you're a staunch hipster, don't go rambling about how Starbucks is God's gift to capitalism.
Pick something believable so people actually argue with you.
Be warned that this may (read: definitely will) cause problems if you don't handle it with kid gloves.
Some people may never think the same of you again if you spend 5 minutes on a soapbox dedicated to how you plan on donating to Honey Boo Boo's college fund.
Or, you know, spouting off religious/political/economic views you don't actually believe in. , Now it's time to get real: the Internet was invented as a means to waste time.
If we had a list on here of the ways it was possible, you'd be stuck in an infinite loop of anti-productivity.
Read blogs.
There's a blog out there about everything.
There's even lists you can refer to to weed through all the teenage-y Wordpresses and get straight to the gems.
Take some online quizzes, tests, surveys, or play some games.
As if Facebook didn't alert you to all the ones trending already.
Diagnose yourself on WebMD.
Just be sure your phone is handy so you can call mom when you get really freaked out.
You could read the news, but that'd just make too much sense.
If those are too obvious, you could always defragment your hard drive and watch it till it completes.
This takes aaaaages.
Scanning for errors and backing up your files is also good for wasting time. , LifeGuide Hub is not a part of the Internet; it's more than that, hence its own step.
But you already knew that.
So why get sucked into the perils and mere adequacies of cyberspace when you can stay right here and benefit from it? Are you ready? Challenge extended:
How long does it take you to get from How to Shower to How to Regain Control of a Spooked Camel? How about from How to Apply Makeup Like Flo, the Progressive Girl to How to Improve Your Personality Using LifeGuide Hub? Remember, you can only click on wiki links on the page you're looking at.
Like the wikipedia game, but way more entertaining on the whole. , Again, this can be dangerous if not done carefully.
You want to make sure you're pranking the right people at the right time.
Once you're sure, what items of theirs would float in Jell-O? Hmm.
Think outside of the box! Lemon juice on the toothbrush? Rearranging their desk so everything is 2 inches (5.1Â cm) to the left? Something that just gets glitter everywhere? Some pranks require obtaining supplies
-- exactly how much time do you have to waste? , Ten bucks says you'll get annoyed with yourself before anyone else does.
But you could give it a go anyway! Good luck pouring that cup of coffee! If slow-motion ain't your bag, try doing everything backwards.
Talking backwards, walking backwards, you name it (eating backwards?).
Or everything opposite.
What's the opposite of reading LifeGuide Hub articles? , You could spend hours on this site learning ways to annoy people that will make you seriously question whether or not your entire life has been a waste of time up until this very point.
What are you waiting for? Forget memorizing pi
-- you've got some being obnoxious to do.
Okay, when we say "annoy," we mean in a light-hearted, fun manner.
We mean pretending you're a mime every hour on the hour
-- not being purposefully late to meet up with your friends just to be a nuisance.
We mean talking to the stuffed monkeys at the history museum, not rearranging them and getting booted out.
Have fun with it.
Fun where the consequences might be an eye roll or a shove and a laugh, not getting yelled at or escorted out. , Humans are programmed do things as efficiently as possible
-- at least, in most situations.
You've probably figured out this life thing by now, but what are other ways you could go about accomplishing things? How could you wake yourself up in the morning without an alarm? How could you get a message to your friend without using your phone or your computer? How could you get from here to the kitchen without touching the ground? , Dig a hole and then fill it up again.
Rearrange your books by author and then by cover color.
Make your bed and then jump on it.
Write that LifeGuide Hub article you've been dying to publish and then erase it before hitting "submit." The world is your oyster.
If you're a little twisted, that is.
This is the ultimate waste of time.
So go rearrange all the cupboards even though mom is going to make you change them back tonight.
Paint a picture and then paint over it.
Make all the sarcastic edits you want to the first LifeGuide Hub article that comes up when you hit "Random Article" and then roll them back yourself.
Because...why not? , Congratulations! You've reached the bottom of this article! You've officially wasted 20 minutes trying to waste time! You didn't even know you were wasting time while you were wasting it! So meta.
It's a nirvana for the technological age, really.
How does it feel? Would you do it again, if you could? It's fine if your answer is "no." You've probably got things to do now.
Homework? Showering? Saving the world? So go forth, Timewaster, with the new knowledge that time is your slave.
You can do with it as you please. -
Step 3: Imagine a crazy scenario.
-
Step 4: Make lists.
-
Step 5: Memorize something.
-
Step 6: Conjure up old memories.
-
Step 7: Challenge yourself.
-
Step 8: Invent new uses for the objects around you.
-
Step 9: Start useless arguments.
-
Step 10: Get on your computer.
-
Step 11: Take the LifeGuide Hub challenge.
-
Step 12: Play pranks.
-
Step 13: Do everything in slow-motion.
-
Step 14: Annoy your friends.
-
Step 15: Think of a different way to do everything.
-
Step 16: Do something just to undo it.
-
Step 17: Read the entirety of this article.
Detailed Guide
Set down whatever it is you should be doing and start planning something better.
There are so many situations you're just not ready for! Here are some ideas:
How to redecorate your bedroom Your next convo with Kim-Jong Un.
Your next vacation How to go outside without interacting with people How to make a plan How you'd take over the world What you could do under threat of zombie attack Okay, but seriously.
If zombies were to attack, which of your friends would you just have to leave behind because they'd slow you down? What skills should you start working on now just in case? You gotta be useful if and when the time comes.
What if the digits in your Social Security number equal 66? You probably don't know if they do, do you? Well find out! Here's a list of other things you could start calculating:
Your budget How many minutes you've been alive or the amount until your birthday/Christmas, etc.
Just what percent of $1 million you would give your loved ones and/or charity How many people you meet per year and what percentage of them you actually like , You can truly let your mind wander with this and hopefully stumble upon some veritable mind gold.
Sure, you've imagined yourself as a billionaire, as yachting in the Mediterranean with the Kardashians, as having your dream job, but have you tried really stretching the limits of your creativity? Imagine that you get locked in the bathroom sometime in the next thirty minutes.
How do you get out? Imagine that you have to teach a bear to dance or else.
What's your teaching methodology? Imagine if you turned into a werewolf right now.
What would be the first thing you'd probably do? Werewolves have little impulse control, so it's important to stay realistic.
Imagine having to go hunt or gather your lunch.
What would you end up eating? Imagine everyone around you wearing kilts.
After all, why not? , We're not talking about what you need at the grocery store
-- that'd actually be useful
-- we're talking about all these preferences you don't know you actually have.
Consider the following:
Make a list of all the words you can make with your name Make a list of the ten most attractive people you know Make a list of the ten ugliest people you know Make a list of questions you'd like the answers to Make a list of your most impressive moments Make a list of the times you failed horribly at life Make a list of the things you'd do and/or people you'd arrest if given dictatorial powers , The first 36 digits of pi? As simple as the Fibonacci sequence.
Here are a few things you could get to knowing like the back of your hand (if you have that memorized, that is):
The order of the books of the Bible The succession of the Kings of England The dates and verdicts of the most influential supreme court cases The lyrics to "Gangsta's Paradise" Who are we kidding? These are all totally useful. , Take a minute to sit back, relax, and remember your glory days.
They're there somewhere, right? Try to remember everyone on your bus this morning, or your commute to work.
What details can you recall? Recreate your bedroom in your head.
What spots are curiously empty? Remember what your best friends looked like when they were younger and your fondest memories together Recall the last time you complimented/shouted at/laughed at/helped out someone , Who needs other people? You can just challenge yourself! Best your own abilities! Try these on for size:
See how long you can go without blinking/breathing/talking/using the letter "n," etc.
See how many times you can fold a piece of paper How long you can hold a conversation with your cat before you freak out See how well you can balance
-- on your toes, a house of cards, a lonely game of Jenga, etc.
See how easily embarrassed you can get by publicly imitating an animal, walking around with your clothes on backwards, or singing near the top of your lungs. , That lamp on your desk? It's not just for light
-- it's a hat.
And that stapler is very clearly a maraca.
Get to actually thinking about your environment.
What have you been just taking at face value? That computer charger of yours? A new-age necklace or belt.
But it's not just clothes
-- that painting is a table, your clock is a frisbee and those ingredients in your kitchen are just asking to be in an invented-by-you recipe. , "Stalin was just the best ever" or "People just don't understand the anachronistic cultural significance behind The Bachelorette" oughta do it.
Just be sure you can keep a straight face and pick a topic people don't know you're pulling their legs on.
If you're a staunch hipster, don't go rambling about how Starbucks is God's gift to capitalism.
Pick something believable so people actually argue with you.
Be warned that this may (read: definitely will) cause problems if you don't handle it with kid gloves.
Some people may never think the same of you again if you spend 5 minutes on a soapbox dedicated to how you plan on donating to Honey Boo Boo's college fund.
Or, you know, spouting off religious/political/economic views you don't actually believe in. , Now it's time to get real: the Internet was invented as a means to waste time.
If we had a list on here of the ways it was possible, you'd be stuck in an infinite loop of anti-productivity.
Read blogs.
There's a blog out there about everything.
There's even lists you can refer to to weed through all the teenage-y Wordpresses and get straight to the gems.
Take some online quizzes, tests, surveys, or play some games.
As if Facebook didn't alert you to all the ones trending already.
Diagnose yourself on WebMD.
Just be sure your phone is handy so you can call mom when you get really freaked out.
You could read the news, but that'd just make too much sense.
If those are too obvious, you could always defragment your hard drive and watch it till it completes.
This takes aaaaages.
Scanning for errors and backing up your files is also good for wasting time. , LifeGuide Hub is not a part of the Internet; it's more than that, hence its own step.
But you already knew that.
So why get sucked into the perils and mere adequacies of cyberspace when you can stay right here and benefit from it? Are you ready? Challenge extended:
How long does it take you to get from How to Shower to How to Regain Control of a Spooked Camel? How about from How to Apply Makeup Like Flo, the Progressive Girl to How to Improve Your Personality Using LifeGuide Hub? Remember, you can only click on wiki links on the page you're looking at.
Like the wikipedia game, but way more entertaining on the whole. , Again, this can be dangerous if not done carefully.
You want to make sure you're pranking the right people at the right time.
Once you're sure, what items of theirs would float in Jell-O? Hmm.
Think outside of the box! Lemon juice on the toothbrush? Rearranging their desk so everything is 2 inches (5.1Â cm) to the left? Something that just gets glitter everywhere? Some pranks require obtaining supplies
-- exactly how much time do you have to waste? , Ten bucks says you'll get annoyed with yourself before anyone else does.
But you could give it a go anyway! Good luck pouring that cup of coffee! If slow-motion ain't your bag, try doing everything backwards.
Talking backwards, walking backwards, you name it (eating backwards?).
Or everything opposite.
What's the opposite of reading LifeGuide Hub articles? , You could spend hours on this site learning ways to annoy people that will make you seriously question whether or not your entire life has been a waste of time up until this very point.
What are you waiting for? Forget memorizing pi
-- you've got some being obnoxious to do.
Okay, when we say "annoy," we mean in a light-hearted, fun manner.
We mean pretending you're a mime every hour on the hour
-- not being purposefully late to meet up with your friends just to be a nuisance.
We mean talking to the stuffed monkeys at the history museum, not rearranging them and getting booted out.
Have fun with it.
Fun where the consequences might be an eye roll or a shove and a laugh, not getting yelled at or escorted out. , Humans are programmed do things as efficiently as possible
-- at least, in most situations.
You've probably figured out this life thing by now, but what are other ways you could go about accomplishing things? How could you wake yourself up in the morning without an alarm? How could you get a message to your friend without using your phone or your computer? How could you get from here to the kitchen without touching the ground? , Dig a hole and then fill it up again.
Rearrange your books by author and then by cover color.
Make your bed and then jump on it.
Write that LifeGuide Hub article you've been dying to publish and then erase it before hitting "submit." The world is your oyster.
If you're a little twisted, that is.
This is the ultimate waste of time.
So go rearrange all the cupboards even though mom is going to make you change them back tonight.
Paint a picture and then paint over it.
Make all the sarcastic edits you want to the first LifeGuide Hub article that comes up when you hit "Random Article" and then roll them back yourself.
Because...why not? , Congratulations! You've reached the bottom of this article! You've officially wasted 20 minutes trying to waste time! You didn't even know you were wasting time while you were wasting it! So meta.
It's a nirvana for the technological age, really.
How does it feel? Would you do it again, if you could? It's fine if your answer is "no." You've probably got things to do now.
Homework? Showering? Saving the world? So go forth, Timewaster, with the new knowledge that time is your slave.
You can do with it as you please.
About the Author
Shirley Wilson
Writer and educator with a focus on practical pet care knowledge.
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