How to Cope with Not Being Able to Transition

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Explore who you really are.

   Browse online catalogues and pictures, do some fun quizzes or watch videos to find out what you really like, what your style is, what kind of people you're attracted to and what kind of people you identify with.
   
   Learn to make a distinction between people you find sexually attractive and people you notice because you'd like to look like them.
   
   This limbo you're in is a perfect time to do some exciting soul-searching and learn to know more about yourself.
2. 2

   Step 2: Take good care of yourself.

   No matter what you do for gender expression, you need to take care of yourself, just like anyone else.Eat and drink regularly, get enough sleep and take care of your physical well-being.
   
   If you feel dysphoric about going to the gym, you can always exercise at home.
   
   Remember that you can dance, do some weight-lifting or aerobics or some similar DIY exercising, or just simply take walks outside. , You can find lots of options online.
   
   Bind or stuff your bra, have a nice gender-affirming haircut and wear clothes you feel comfortable in as much as possible.
   
   If you are very depressed, remember to take good care of yourself, and if possible, talk to a therapist about it.
   
   Exercising is a great tool to cope with depression.
   
   For some, "passing" can be an ugly term.
   
   You don't have to change anything about yourself or your behavior
   - just do it if it makes you feel better. , This is a challenge for some, but you can feel dysphoric about certain body parts without hating everything about your body and yourself.
   
   Even if you do undergo some surgeries in the future, your head, hands, legs, feet, height and all the other parts will stay the same! You could try to look at your body as being right and yours, with just some medical issues you'd like to change.
   
   The parts you don't like don't have to determine your whole person.
   
   It is natural for a cis-woman who doesn't have breasts to want them, but it doesn't mean she hates her body for it..Men can have gynecomastia which means they develop breasts, but survive it.
   
   Some people are born with conditions or suffer accidents that affect their outward appearance but it doesn't have to affect their inner sense of self.
   
   They can still accept the fact that they look like that and they still can be proud and full of life.Don't view yourself as flawed, but unique.
   
   If you have problem with your genitals, remember that there are intersex people who have ambiguous genitalia.
   
   They can still be proud women, men or non-binary people.You could have also been born with a micropenis.
   
   Every person's genitals are different, and the fact you'd have liked to be born with a different set doesn't mean you should hate yours and not enjoy them.
   
   Try not see yourself as a "woman with a penis" or as a "man with a vagina," but rather as a whole human being who just happens to be that way.
   
   You also have the right to enjoy sex even if your genitals cause you dysphoria. , The better you feel about yourself the easier it is to also learn to love your body.
   
   Doing some pleasurable exercise will enhance your mood, help with depression and negative feelings and help you reconnect with your body.
   
   If you are a guy, doing some weightlifting, even a little, can make a dramatic effect on your self-esteem.
   
   Did you know that women are as capable to have muscle mass as men? Testosterone won't suddenly turn you from a skinny twig to a Schwarzenegger, so it might be a relief to hear that you are able to look "manly" even without it! Find something you really, really enjoy doing! It can be anything from golf to dancing to trampoline.
   
   You might like horse-back riding, or just walking your dog. , Looking at pictures of cis-people or trans people who have been on hormones for a while can make you feel desperate and overwhelmed.
   
   Avoid it! Remind yourself that they only look like that because they are on hormones, and you'd look exactly like that if you were too.
   
   Comparing is a trap:
   Every cis person will feel down, too, if they spend their time looking at models and celebrities.
   
   Remind yourself what the normal people around you look like: your family members, friends, coworkers...
   
   Are they all hot and muscular or thin and flawless? Probably not.
   
   Compared to them, you might actually be very good-looking! Try to accept your body.
   
   This can be easier said than done, for anyone, let alone for some who doesn't feel at home in their own skin.
   
   However, it is still a good goal to shoot for.
   
   Work with a therapist on ways you can address gender dysphoria. , Even if you don't plan to medically transition, a knowledgeable therapist can help you through this and cope with dysphoria and depression.
   
   You can talk to them about your feelings and fears and explore your gender identity.
   
   How tonFind a Supportive Therapist if You Are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender can help you make sure you get supportive professional help.
   
   There are also therapists who are willing to do online sessions via webcam so this might be an option for people living in remote areas.
   
   If you don't have access to a gender therapist or can't afford it, turn to other online support. , Try not to spend all your time fretting about this.
   
   Instead force yourself to focus on other things: old and new hobbies, learning something new (like a language or an instrument), playing with children or animals, watching TV, listening to music, singing, dancing, hanging out with friends, clubbing...
   
   Anything that will get you distracted will do!.The less you think about your gender struggle, and the more you focus on other things, the better.
   
   You'll feel less anxious about it when you remind yourself that it's only a tiny part of who you are as a person. , Even if you're not being able to access hormones etc. that doesn't mean you have to be closeted.
   
   You are entitled to be yourself and say out loud that you are transgender (or a boy or a girl).
   
   People might not see you as your true gender, but that doesn't mean you should hide and be embarrassed of what you are.Remember that not all trans people even medically transition, and it is not a requirement or proof of being transgender.
   
   Do not start to think that your situation means you are not really trans.
   
   Not being able to transition is not the same as not wanting to. , If possible, be proudly who you are and walk and talk and dress as you please.
   
   Don't watch out for mannerisms or appearance choices and try to be as genuine as possible.
   
   Remember that people are generally blind to some things like haircuts:
   It is a big deal for you, not to them.
   
   If you are a "guy" to them and grow your hair long, they can't know you did it because you want to look like a sexy woman.
   
   Many cis-women have extremely short haircuts.
   
   If you have to make compromises (like for work), acknowledge it to yourself when you make them.
   
   They may be necessary, but they're likely temporary.
   
   Don't let the compromising eat away your personality and sense of self.
   
   Try to bend the lines whenever possible, and aim for choices that make you feel comfortable (or even a little rebellious).
   
   If you need to wear a suit type of outfit to work, maybe you can get that from the women's section or vice versa, or add some accessories that make you feel better about yourself.
   
   Remember that people can be blind about this: they'll see a man in a suit or a woman in a jacket; only you know that you're actually dressing in the clothes of your preferred gender.
   
   You could at least wear affirming underwear.
   
   Whenever possible, treat yourself with something nice like a new piece of clothing, accessory, some makeup or gift.
   
   Even if you're tight on money, don't lose your sense of self.
   
   Even make-up can be bending lines:
   Many men use it nowadays and many women don't.
   
   No one will know your reasons behind it. , Hopefully you have family members or friends who do support you.
   
   Spend as much time with them as possible.
   
   Avoid people who bring you down or don't respect your name and pronouns.
   
   They can have a gnawing effect on your self esteem.
   
   Good, supportive friends remind you there are people who can see you as you truly are.
   
   The more you surround yourself with this kind of company, the better! .If you don't have supportive people in your life, turn to online friends and support groups.
   
   They can fill the void and you'll realize there are others in the exact same position as you. , The best way to be recognized as your true gender, even unconsciously by people, is to be as genuine as possible.
   
   Don't be ashamed of who you are and act exactly like you would at home (if it's safe, of course).
   
   Even if you don't look like how you'd ideally like to be perceived, people tend to treat others according to their behavior and personality, not looks..Act like a confident and cool dude, and you'll be perceived as one regardless of your gender.
   
   Act feminine and hang out with the girls talking girl stuff, and you may find yourself invited to their private pajama party.
   
   The more confident and genuine you are in your own skin, the less awkward people will feel about it, no matter how non-conforming you may look.
   
   Walk straight, shoulders back, head up high and use a dashing smile to win people over! People are naturally drawn towards confident "leader" types
   - regardless of what they are wearing.
   
   When people have seen you the whole time as your true self, and if you someday medically transition, it won't be much of a shock to them. , You probably already have a new name that you go by, but if you don't, find one.
   
   You can use an online baby name generator for ideas.
   
   You might want to consider changing it legally, too.
   
   That way you have a sense of pride in yourself whenever you need to show your documents or interact with people.
   
   Many cispeople have weird names; there are men named Carmen and women named James already out there.
   
   So there's no reason why you couldn't do the same.
   
   You are perfectly entitled to change your name (in most countries), so why not go for it? You can do this even if you were a little closeted in your workplace.
   
   That way at least your name is right, even if your gender marker isn't. , You may be still able to legally change your gender.
   
   That depends on where you live, but in some places this is possible.
   
   You should find out about local laws concerning this.
   
   If this is possible, it might be a tempting idea to know you could actually change your name and even your birth certificate without any medical intervention.
   
   In other words, you could live your life as your true gender also legally.
   
   If you are non-binary and neither F or M fits, there are some countries where it's possible to also have a third gender marker.
   
   If this is not possible for you, remember that the single letter doesn't have to rule your world.
   
   If you have not taken hormones, it's not even that awkward as to someone who has.
   
   Just keep your head high.
   
   Hopefully you don't have to show your ID that often. , Even if you are not planning to medically transition right now, you can find out about all your possibilities for later use.
   
   You can figure out which gender therapist or surgeon you'd go to, whether or not you really want to start hormone treatment (HRT), if you'd like to have any surgeries (and if so, which), etc.
   
   Figuring all this out can take quite some time! Planning this in advance saves you precious time if someday you decide to take that route.
   
   It can also help you mentally when you know you are doing something concrete about it, even if you are not able to act on it at the moment.
   
   When you do have enough money or access to treatment, you already know all this and can start right away. , If you plan to take hormones or have surgeries later on, you already know that day will come sooner or later.
   
   If you don't plan to, you need to learn to not hate yourself or your body, but to be proud of who you are as your unique self! Remember that not all trans people transition medically, and it's totally okay.
   
   It is your decision to make, so take pride in that decision and acknowledge why you're making it.
   
   There's no right or wrong way to be transgender or to transition.
   
   Also social transitioning (that you start to live as your desired gender openly) is transitioning.
   
   If you feel suicidal, contact the Trans Lifeline , Trevor Project or similar support.
   
   If you really feel desperate, don't hesitate to contact emergency help immediately.
   
   Your life definitely matters.
   
   You will do some great things in the future.
3. 3

   Step 3: Come up with creative solutions to express your gender and battle dysphoria.

4. 4

   Step 4: Try to love your body and yourself.

5. 5

   Step 5: Stay fit.

6. 6

   Step 6: Try not to compare yourself too much to others.

7. 7

   Step 7: Find a gender therapist.

8. 8

   Step 8: Focus on something else entirely.

9. 9

   Step 9: Be out if you want to.

10. 10

    Step 10: Do not conform so much you lose yourself.

11. 11

    Step 11: Keep supportive company.

12. 12

    Step 12: Try to reflect your genuine self.

13. 13

    Step 13: Change your name if you can.

14. 14

    Step 14: Consider legal gender changes.

15. 15

    Step 15: Figure out your future options.

16. 16

    Step 16: Don't lose hope.

Detailed Guide

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