How to Avoid Being an Obsessive Girlfriend
Spot your obsessiveness., Check your feelings., As soon as you've recognized that you're feeling obsessed toward your partner, put the brakes on and slow right down., Keep your hobbies and friends., Take time for yourself., Reaffirm who you are and...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Spot your obsessiveness.
Obsessive behavior in the romantic context tends to involve being constantly preoccupied with the loved one, wanting to be with him or her all hours of the day and contriving it so that you actually are together as much as possible.
Romantic obsession can lead you to presume the person you love needs you as much, causing you to inject yourself into every part of his or her life, whether it be family, home, work, and so on, offering unasked for advice, support and remodeling even though there's no indication any of this is useful or wanted.
In some cases, obsession is the flip side of jealousy, in which case you wish you had similar characteristics to the person you love and in some way you're trying to adopt his or her character for yourself by being constantly present. -
Step 2: Check your feelings.
You may find yourself quite exhausted, wrung out emotionally and very intense whenever you spend time together, because you're too preoccupied by concentrating on the two of you without taking a break.
You might be more focused on quantity of time rather than quality, even though this often feels aimless.
It's a fairly common tendency to become obsessive at the beginning of a relationship.
It's new, it's exciting and this person is endlessly fascinating to you.
By realizing that you're not the first person to feel this way about somebody, you can let go of guilt and concentrate instead on dealing with it in a healthy way.
Perhaps your obsession has roots in feelings of insecurity and fear, or it could simply be about being totally amazed by how wonderful this person in your life is.
Whatever the reason, you can tame it! Ask yourself why you feel you need to mesh so completely with another person––perhaps you can answer this alone by simply working through the reasons and questioning them.
But if not, don't be afraid to seek counselling if you think that could help you overcome your obsessive tendency. , This doesn't mean not seeing each other at all but it does mean reintroducing a more balanced routine into your relationship.
Find ways to shorten time spent together while increasing the quality of such time. , The key to a healthy relationship is balance, rather than hanging out together closely every possible moment.
Couples need time apart to re-establish their individual identities; moreover, time spent apart helps to define the boundaries of who you are outside of your relationship in your partner's eyes too.
Remind yourself of who you are by reconnecting with friends and relatives, or picking up those old hobbies you've been setting aside.
Suggest that your partner do the same.
This is a simple way to show him or her that you're confident and interesting (even if you don't feel that way for now).
Suggest that your partner goes out with his or her friends while you visit with yours.
Or even suggest he or she work on his hobby or interest while you take time for yours, separately. , Visit friends, family, take a class, anything you find interesting or would like to learn.
Do this even if you have to tear yourself away from your beloved.
He or she should be supportive of you, and encourage your interests, too.
In fact, this is a good indicator of whether or not your partner can handle separation and being left to his or her own devices––if not, it could be a warning sign to you that your partner is overly attached or has co-dependent tendencies.
Focusing only on the one you love isn't living your own life to the fullest.
By taking time for yourself, you make room for personal growth and new experiences, as well as staying well-rounded.
It isn't selfish––it's the opposite because it shows trust in your partner and establishes expectations that both of you will operate as individuals as well as a couple.
And, if you aren't the best person you can be, then you can't expect to be the person you need to be for your significant other.
Having your own experiences will only improve your relationship by giving you more to talk about. , Do those things that you do best.
If you're not sure what that is yet, then try everything.
If you're feeling less than confident, or insecure in your relationship, sometimes it helps to go back to something that created a sense of accomplishment.
Don't look for confidence from your partner––instead, find it within yourself.
To do this, seek out those things at which you can succeed and receive recognition for outside of your coupledom. , You don't own the person you love, just as he or she doesn't own you.
Yet, obsession is a little like trying to own a person and once you feel this way, it's easy to presume that this person can't possibly thrive without your input or support, even though this assumption is totally in your own head.
Practicing detachment can teach you to let go without feeling afraid that you'll lose this person.
Set aside this worry and have faith that it's okay to step back and stop trying to solve everything for your beloved––you can store your energies for when you really are called upon to be strong for him or her. -
Step 3: As soon as you've recognized that you're feeling obsessed toward your partner
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Step 4: put the brakes on and slow right down.
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Step 5: Keep your hobbies and friends.
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Step 6: Take time for yourself.
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Step 7: Reaffirm who you are and why you are special as an individual.
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Step 8: Practice detachment.
Detailed Guide
Obsessive behavior in the romantic context tends to involve being constantly preoccupied with the loved one, wanting to be with him or her all hours of the day and contriving it so that you actually are together as much as possible.
Romantic obsession can lead you to presume the person you love needs you as much, causing you to inject yourself into every part of his or her life, whether it be family, home, work, and so on, offering unasked for advice, support and remodeling even though there's no indication any of this is useful or wanted.
In some cases, obsession is the flip side of jealousy, in which case you wish you had similar characteristics to the person you love and in some way you're trying to adopt his or her character for yourself by being constantly present.
You may find yourself quite exhausted, wrung out emotionally and very intense whenever you spend time together, because you're too preoccupied by concentrating on the two of you without taking a break.
You might be more focused on quantity of time rather than quality, even though this often feels aimless.
It's a fairly common tendency to become obsessive at the beginning of a relationship.
It's new, it's exciting and this person is endlessly fascinating to you.
By realizing that you're not the first person to feel this way about somebody, you can let go of guilt and concentrate instead on dealing with it in a healthy way.
Perhaps your obsession has roots in feelings of insecurity and fear, or it could simply be about being totally amazed by how wonderful this person in your life is.
Whatever the reason, you can tame it! Ask yourself why you feel you need to mesh so completely with another person––perhaps you can answer this alone by simply working through the reasons and questioning them.
But if not, don't be afraid to seek counselling if you think that could help you overcome your obsessive tendency. , This doesn't mean not seeing each other at all but it does mean reintroducing a more balanced routine into your relationship.
Find ways to shorten time spent together while increasing the quality of such time. , The key to a healthy relationship is balance, rather than hanging out together closely every possible moment.
Couples need time apart to re-establish their individual identities; moreover, time spent apart helps to define the boundaries of who you are outside of your relationship in your partner's eyes too.
Remind yourself of who you are by reconnecting with friends and relatives, or picking up those old hobbies you've been setting aside.
Suggest that your partner do the same.
This is a simple way to show him or her that you're confident and interesting (even if you don't feel that way for now).
Suggest that your partner goes out with his or her friends while you visit with yours.
Or even suggest he or she work on his hobby or interest while you take time for yours, separately. , Visit friends, family, take a class, anything you find interesting or would like to learn.
Do this even if you have to tear yourself away from your beloved.
He or she should be supportive of you, and encourage your interests, too.
In fact, this is a good indicator of whether or not your partner can handle separation and being left to his or her own devices––if not, it could be a warning sign to you that your partner is overly attached or has co-dependent tendencies.
Focusing only on the one you love isn't living your own life to the fullest.
By taking time for yourself, you make room for personal growth and new experiences, as well as staying well-rounded.
It isn't selfish––it's the opposite because it shows trust in your partner and establishes expectations that both of you will operate as individuals as well as a couple.
And, if you aren't the best person you can be, then you can't expect to be the person you need to be for your significant other.
Having your own experiences will only improve your relationship by giving you more to talk about. , Do those things that you do best.
If you're not sure what that is yet, then try everything.
If you're feeling less than confident, or insecure in your relationship, sometimes it helps to go back to something that created a sense of accomplishment.
Don't look for confidence from your partner––instead, find it within yourself.
To do this, seek out those things at which you can succeed and receive recognition for outside of your coupledom. , You don't own the person you love, just as he or she doesn't own you.
Yet, obsession is a little like trying to own a person and once you feel this way, it's easy to presume that this person can't possibly thrive without your input or support, even though this assumption is totally in your own head.
Practicing detachment can teach you to let go without feeling afraid that you'll lose this person.
Set aside this worry and have faith that it's okay to step back and stop trying to solve everything for your beloved––you can store your energies for when you really are called upon to be strong for him or her.
About the Author
Samuel Griffin
Writer and educator with a focus on practical crafts knowledge.
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