How to Avoid Marriage and Other Committed Relationships
Know what you want out of the relationship., Act quickly., Be clear about your expectations., Make your actions match your words.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Know what you want out of the relationship.
Before you entertain any kind of romantic relationship, think about what it is you want.
Consider whether or not you are ready to commit to a long term relationship, or want something less serious.
It is important that you have a good understanding of what you want before you begin a relationship.This will keep you from telling other people, and yourself, what they want to hear.
You need to consider things like whether or not you feel like you “should” be in a relationship as opposed to wanting to be in one.
If the idea of “settling down” makes you a little anxious, you might want to reconsider anything serious.
If there are extenuating circumstances that are preventing you from being in a relationship, be clear about that.
For example, if you want to be able to focus on your professional life, say something like “It’s really important that I focus on my career/studies right now.” -
Step 2: Act quickly.
It is important to define the status of any romantic relationship as early as possible.
Within the first few weeks to a month, have a conversation about where you see the relationship going.
If you want to keep things casual, you need to make that clear early on.
You might start a conversation about defining your relationship by saying something like “I want to talk about where this is going” or “I want to be clear with you about how I feel.” , When you define your relationship, avoid being vague about what you want from the relationship.
This will only lead to misunderstanding and hurt feelings down the road.
Let the other person know that you are not interested in a committed relationship and, if they are okay with it, that you would like to keep things casual.Although there might be a strong temptation to be vague, it is ultimately disingenuous and will only hurt the other person.
Say things like “I’m not looking for something serious right now” or “I don’t want a serious relationship.” , If you tell the other person that you are not interested in a serious relationship, you need to make sure you also act that way.
You need to give the other person plenty of distance.
Texting and calling them all of the time and hanging out with them regularly will only send mixed signals.
You need to be clear with your boundaries and actively maintain them.This point is particularly true of if things get physical.
If you tell the other person that you are not interested in a serious relationship, but then engage in physical romance with them, they will likely get the wrong impression.If things do get physical, make sure you and the other person have a conversation about your boundaries. -
Step 3: Be clear about your expectations.
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Step 4: Make your actions match your words.
Detailed Guide
Before you entertain any kind of romantic relationship, think about what it is you want.
Consider whether or not you are ready to commit to a long term relationship, or want something less serious.
It is important that you have a good understanding of what you want before you begin a relationship.This will keep you from telling other people, and yourself, what they want to hear.
You need to consider things like whether or not you feel like you “should” be in a relationship as opposed to wanting to be in one.
If the idea of “settling down” makes you a little anxious, you might want to reconsider anything serious.
If there are extenuating circumstances that are preventing you from being in a relationship, be clear about that.
For example, if you want to be able to focus on your professional life, say something like “It’s really important that I focus on my career/studies right now.”
It is important to define the status of any romantic relationship as early as possible.
Within the first few weeks to a month, have a conversation about where you see the relationship going.
If you want to keep things casual, you need to make that clear early on.
You might start a conversation about defining your relationship by saying something like “I want to talk about where this is going” or “I want to be clear with you about how I feel.” , When you define your relationship, avoid being vague about what you want from the relationship.
This will only lead to misunderstanding and hurt feelings down the road.
Let the other person know that you are not interested in a committed relationship and, if they are okay with it, that you would like to keep things casual.Although there might be a strong temptation to be vague, it is ultimately disingenuous and will only hurt the other person.
Say things like “I’m not looking for something serious right now” or “I don’t want a serious relationship.” , If you tell the other person that you are not interested in a serious relationship, you need to make sure you also act that way.
You need to give the other person plenty of distance.
Texting and calling them all of the time and hanging out with them regularly will only send mixed signals.
You need to be clear with your boundaries and actively maintain them.This point is particularly true of if things get physical.
If you tell the other person that you are not interested in a serious relationship, but then engage in physical romance with them, they will likely get the wrong impression.If things do get physical, make sure you and the other person have a conversation about your boundaries.
About the Author
James Reed
Specializes in breaking down complex practical skills topics into simple steps.
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