How to Be a Supportive Girlfriend
Recognize when something is bothering them., Give them the opportunity to express their feelings., Listen carefully while they talk., View the situation from your partner's perspective., Offer realistic solutions., Apologize if necessary.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Recognize when something is bothering them.
You need to pay attention not only to their words but also to their attitude and body language.
Be aware when something seems to be bothering them.Try to avoid taking it personally when they are in a bad mood; chances are, it has nothing to do with you.
Therefore, you should avoid making the situation worse by being rude or angry in return. -
Step 2: Give them the opportunity to express their feelings.
Some people simply do not like to show vulnerability, and there is nothing wrong with that.
However, this also means that they might not be immediately forthcoming about what the issue is.
Gently inquire about what is bothering them.
You might say, “I can tell that you've got a lot on your mind.
Would you like to talk about it?” Another example of what you could say is, “You seem down today.
How can I help?” If your partner does not want to talk about the issue right away, then respect that decision.
They will come to you about it when they are ready. , When they are ready to share with you, take the time to listen carefully to what they are saying.Validate their feelings and give cues that you are actively listening:
Avoid interrupting.
Talk when they give you the opportunity or when they ask you a question.
Repeat back what they said in brief summaries when given the opportunity: “I heard you say that...” or “I understand that you felt...” Maintain eye contact while they talk.
Show concern in your facial expression.
Ask questions about what they shared. , You are obviously unique individuals, no matter how much you may have in common.
When you help they through issues, it will be helpful to try to view the issue from their perspective.
Pinpoint what about the issue upsets them, if they do not or cannot identify it.
Understand why this problem upsets them.
Figure out how they might solve this problem based on their personality.
Be supportive and gently guide them along the right path if you realize that they are actually in the wrong in the situation. , Once they have shared the issue and gotten it off of their chest, think of realistic solutions to offer that will help the situation.
Try asking "Are you looking for suggestions, or do you just want to vent?" if you aren't sure whether your partner is open to advice.
Suggest solutions that will not further aggravate the situation.
For example, if they are upset about an argument they had with a coworker, do not suggest something like playing a prank on the coworker to get revenge.
Offer to help however you can.
They may or may not want your help, and it is important that you respect that.
They are independent and is capable of doing things on their own.
Simply offer to be there for they as a listening ear and shoulder to cry on, if there is not much that you can do to help with a solution. , It might turn out that your partner is upset about something that you did or said.
When they have shared this with you, it would be helpful to apologize.Every situation is different.
It may be the case that you stand by what you said or did and do not feel the need to apologize, and they deserve an explanation of why.
However, if you had no idea that what you said or did upset they that much and genuinely feel badly about that, apologizing is necessary.
You can also apologize even if the situation has nothing to do with you: “I'm sorry that this happened to you.
I'll be by your side to support you however I can.” -
Step 3: Listen carefully while they talk.
-
Step 4: View the situation from your partner's perspective.
-
Step 5: Offer realistic solutions.
-
Step 6: Apologize if necessary.
Detailed Guide
You need to pay attention not only to their words but also to their attitude and body language.
Be aware when something seems to be bothering them.Try to avoid taking it personally when they are in a bad mood; chances are, it has nothing to do with you.
Therefore, you should avoid making the situation worse by being rude or angry in return.
Some people simply do not like to show vulnerability, and there is nothing wrong with that.
However, this also means that they might not be immediately forthcoming about what the issue is.
Gently inquire about what is bothering them.
You might say, “I can tell that you've got a lot on your mind.
Would you like to talk about it?” Another example of what you could say is, “You seem down today.
How can I help?” If your partner does not want to talk about the issue right away, then respect that decision.
They will come to you about it when they are ready. , When they are ready to share with you, take the time to listen carefully to what they are saying.Validate their feelings and give cues that you are actively listening:
Avoid interrupting.
Talk when they give you the opportunity or when they ask you a question.
Repeat back what they said in brief summaries when given the opportunity: “I heard you say that...” or “I understand that you felt...” Maintain eye contact while they talk.
Show concern in your facial expression.
Ask questions about what they shared. , You are obviously unique individuals, no matter how much you may have in common.
When you help they through issues, it will be helpful to try to view the issue from their perspective.
Pinpoint what about the issue upsets them, if they do not or cannot identify it.
Understand why this problem upsets them.
Figure out how they might solve this problem based on their personality.
Be supportive and gently guide them along the right path if you realize that they are actually in the wrong in the situation. , Once they have shared the issue and gotten it off of their chest, think of realistic solutions to offer that will help the situation.
Try asking "Are you looking for suggestions, or do you just want to vent?" if you aren't sure whether your partner is open to advice.
Suggest solutions that will not further aggravate the situation.
For example, if they are upset about an argument they had with a coworker, do not suggest something like playing a prank on the coworker to get revenge.
Offer to help however you can.
They may or may not want your help, and it is important that you respect that.
They are independent and is capable of doing things on their own.
Simply offer to be there for they as a listening ear and shoulder to cry on, if there is not much that you can do to help with a solution. , It might turn out that your partner is upset about something that you did or said.
When they have shared this with you, it would be helpful to apologize.Every situation is different.
It may be the case that you stand by what you said or did and do not feel the need to apologize, and they deserve an explanation of why.
However, if you had no idea that what you said or did upset they that much and genuinely feel badly about that, apologizing is necessary.
You can also apologize even if the situation has nothing to do with you: “I'm sorry that this happened to you.
I'll be by your side to support you however I can.”
About the Author
Lauren Wells
Specializes in breaking down complex lifestyle topics into simple steps.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: