How to Be Prepared for the Dating World
Dating will sometimes feel like work., Be yourself., Only talk to friends that are positive and supportive., Water seeks its own level., Be honest with your dates about what’s up with you., Look for solutions to your problems., Emotional intimacy...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Dating will sometimes feel like work.
Like anything worth having, finding a partner requires action, a clear intention, sustained focus, and time. -
Step 2: Be yourself.
What we see people doing on reality dating shows or much of what is written in books like The Rules is manipulative.
If it doesn’t feel authentic, it probably isn’t.
Get advice from a reliable relationship coach or from friends that are in solid, drama-free relationships. , Refrain from speaking to anyone who makes negative generalizations about men, women, or the dating process in general. , No matter you say you want in a partner, you can only relate to other people from the level that you are at.
As Marianne Williamson says:
It’s not that you attract unavailable people, it’s that you give them your number. , This doesn’t mean blaming them for your stuff or complaining about your life.
It does mean taking responsibility for what’s going on with you and focusing on what you are learning.
If you talk about an issue in your life with a date, end that story by sharing something positive that you are learning from the experience.
Your date will appreciate both your optimism and your willingness to grow and learn. , Complaining about your situation doesn’t change anything.
Let’s say you send out 5 or 10 emails and get no responses.
Rather than using that as a reason to quit, ask yourself what else you can do.
Maybe your emails need to be more playful or you need a new picture or a different profile.
Maybe you aren’t writing to the right people.
Have a friend or a professional relationship coach look at what you’re doing and give you honest feedback. , Consenting adults can do whatever they please, but we kid ourselves when we think that we can turn our sexual playmates into soul mates.
Any two people can have sex.
The real challenge and the reason why so many of us are struggling to create relationships that last is that we don’t know how to get emotionally naked with one another to create real intimacy at the soul level. , Werner Erhard said that we are meaning making machines.
This means that we make up stories about everything that happens.
When we do this we draw conclusions and trick ourselves into thinking that we have it all figured out.
The truth is that we don’t sometimes know why something happened they way it did until days, weeks or even years later when we have gained some perspective.
Let’s say someone you’re dating abruptly stops calling.
In the moment you might immediately think that you were to blame, but what if this experience was what you needed to help you learn to deal with rejection without giving up on your dream? Although it didn’t seem like it initially, the dating process was taking you where you needed to go. , One of the hardest things for my clients is to tell someone that they don’t want to see them again.
We do others a disservice by staying in a relationship with them just because we don’t want to hurt their feelings by telling them how we really feel.
It is much more caring to set them free so that they can find someone who appreciates them and who can reciprocate their feelings. , For example, if you tell someone that you want to wait to have sex until you are in a committed relationship and that person tries to push your boundary, do not continue seeing them.
This is a clear sign that they are not concerned about your well-being. -
Step 3: Only talk to friends that are positive and supportive.
-
Step 4: Water seeks its own level.
-
Step 5: Be honest with your dates about what’s up with you.
-
Step 6: Look for solutions to your problems.
-
Step 7: Emotional intimacy can lead to great sex
-
Step 8: but great sex rarely leads to emotional intimacy.
-
Step 9: Trust the dating process.
-
Step 10: Learn to let people go.
-
Step 11: Set clear boundaries for yourself and do not continue to date anyone who does not respect them.
Detailed Guide
Like anything worth having, finding a partner requires action, a clear intention, sustained focus, and time.
What we see people doing on reality dating shows or much of what is written in books like The Rules is manipulative.
If it doesn’t feel authentic, it probably isn’t.
Get advice from a reliable relationship coach or from friends that are in solid, drama-free relationships. , Refrain from speaking to anyone who makes negative generalizations about men, women, or the dating process in general. , No matter you say you want in a partner, you can only relate to other people from the level that you are at.
As Marianne Williamson says:
It’s not that you attract unavailable people, it’s that you give them your number. , This doesn’t mean blaming them for your stuff or complaining about your life.
It does mean taking responsibility for what’s going on with you and focusing on what you are learning.
If you talk about an issue in your life with a date, end that story by sharing something positive that you are learning from the experience.
Your date will appreciate both your optimism and your willingness to grow and learn. , Complaining about your situation doesn’t change anything.
Let’s say you send out 5 or 10 emails and get no responses.
Rather than using that as a reason to quit, ask yourself what else you can do.
Maybe your emails need to be more playful or you need a new picture or a different profile.
Maybe you aren’t writing to the right people.
Have a friend or a professional relationship coach look at what you’re doing and give you honest feedback. , Consenting adults can do whatever they please, but we kid ourselves when we think that we can turn our sexual playmates into soul mates.
Any two people can have sex.
The real challenge and the reason why so many of us are struggling to create relationships that last is that we don’t know how to get emotionally naked with one another to create real intimacy at the soul level. , Werner Erhard said that we are meaning making machines.
This means that we make up stories about everything that happens.
When we do this we draw conclusions and trick ourselves into thinking that we have it all figured out.
The truth is that we don’t sometimes know why something happened they way it did until days, weeks or even years later when we have gained some perspective.
Let’s say someone you’re dating abruptly stops calling.
In the moment you might immediately think that you were to blame, but what if this experience was what you needed to help you learn to deal with rejection without giving up on your dream? Although it didn’t seem like it initially, the dating process was taking you where you needed to go. , One of the hardest things for my clients is to tell someone that they don’t want to see them again.
We do others a disservice by staying in a relationship with them just because we don’t want to hurt their feelings by telling them how we really feel.
It is much more caring to set them free so that they can find someone who appreciates them and who can reciprocate their feelings. , For example, if you tell someone that you want to wait to have sex until you are in a committed relationship and that person tries to push your boundary, do not continue seeing them.
This is a clear sign that they are not concerned about your well-being.
About the Author
Mark Myers
Mark Myers is an experienced writer with over 3 years of expertise in education and learning. Passionate about sharing practical knowledge, Mark creates easy-to-follow guides that help readers achieve their goals.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: