How to Boost Self Esteem After a Break Up
Know when to ask for help., Assess your relationship realistically., Know what constitutes a healthy romantic relationship., Remember the disagreements., Mourn your relationship., Let yourself process emotions appropriately., Silence your inner...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Know when to ask for help.
With the possibility of depression, it is important to know how to recognize suicidal behaviors in yourself and others.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can connect you with the nearest suicide prevention and mental health service providers if you are:
Thinking about suicide Having trouble eating and/or sleeping Experiencing drastic changes in your behavior Withdrawing from your friends and/or social activities Losing interest in school, work, or hobbies Thinking about writing a will, or making final arrangements Taking unnecessary risks Seem preoccupied with death and/or dying Increasing alcohol and/or drug use Have attempted suicide before -
Step 2: Assess your relationship realistically.
Truly healthy relationships don’t normally end suddenly, so it can be helpful to reflect on the different dimensions of your relationship, in order to understand why it did not work out.
Perhaps the relationship could have been wrong for you from the start.
Maybe you did not want the same things out of life as your partner, or perhaps there were continuing deficiencies that existed within the relationship. , Many people choose to break up because they are unable to create a healthy relationship.
The following are necessary elements that must be maintained in order for any relationship to be completely fulfilling for both partners:
Mutual respect:
Treating your partner as if they are valued & their reciprocation of this treatment Compassion:
Genuine concern for your loved one Empathy:
Openness to how your partner feels Understanding:
Understanding your partner’s feelings & actions Acceptance:
Accepting your mate for who they are & accepting yourself Honesty:
Your relationship is built on truthfulness Trust:
Willingness to let your partner know your private thoughts, feelings, & aspects of life Communication:
Ability to talk freely within your relationship; understanding how to approach your mate with concerns Consideration:
Mindfulness of your loved one’s needs & your own needs Compatibility and mutual interests:
Enjoying & valuing the same things; agreeing to disagree when you do not enjoy or value the same things Personal integrity:
Ability to maintain your beliefs & sense of self; offering your time & attention to the relationship Vulnerability:
Removal of barriers; ability to allow your partner to see you are human and prone to mistakes without fear of consequence , In order to further understand your breakup, think about whether you and your partner regularly disagreed regarding any of the following major relationship areas:
Shared finances Recreation & common interests Religious beliefs Displays of affection Friendships Sexual relations Behaviors Life philosophies Family relations Life goals Time spent together Decision-making Household responsibilities Career goals/outlooks , Remember that going through a breakup will require a mourning process.Grief is a natural reaction to any kind of loss.
Going through a breakup is painful because it may represent the loss of not only the relationship, but of any shared hopes and commitments.
When faced with a new uncertain future, it is perfectly normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, confused, or anxious. , Do not allow painful feelings to linger excessively, but do not attempt to ignore them either.
It is okay to give yourself permission to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time; you may not feel up to being quite as productive at work, or it may be difficult to give attention to others as you have been accustomed to for a short while.
Be sure to take the time to acknowledge your feelings and allow them to process completely.
Even if it is difficult, attempt to talk to others about your feelings, so that you will feel less alone with your pain.
However, be sure to remind yourself that moving on is the ultimate goal, and that you still have a hopeful future with new hopes and dreams that will replace your old ones. , If your self-esteem is suffering from the break-up, it’s likely that your inner voice is being overly critical of your role in the break-up.Understand that it’s possible to make mistakes and be imperfect without being self-deprecating.
If you find that your inner voice is saying negative things about you, try stopping and writing down the negative thought.
Then cross it out and re-write the thought as something constructive.
For example, “I was too clingy” should be crossed out and replaced with “I will work on being more trusting and confident.” For example, “I mess up every relationship eventually” should be crossed out and replaced with “I will keep looking for the right partner and work towards a healthy, strong relationship.” -
Step 3: Know what constitutes a healthy romantic relationship.
-
Step 4: Remember the disagreements.
-
Step 5: Mourn your relationship.
-
Step 6: Let yourself process emotions appropriately.
-
Step 7: Silence your inner critic.
Detailed Guide
With the possibility of depression, it is important to know how to recognize suicidal behaviors in yourself and others.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can connect you with the nearest suicide prevention and mental health service providers if you are:
Thinking about suicide Having trouble eating and/or sleeping Experiencing drastic changes in your behavior Withdrawing from your friends and/or social activities Losing interest in school, work, or hobbies Thinking about writing a will, or making final arrangements Taking unnecessary risks Seem preoccupied with death and/or dying Increasing alcohol and/or drug use Have attempted suicide before
Truly healthy relationships don’t normally end suddenly, so it can be helpful to reflect on the different dimensions of your relationship, in order to understand why it did not work out.
Perhaps the relationship could have been wrong for you from the start.
Maybe you did not want the same things out of life as your partner, or perhaps there were continuing deficiencies that existed within the relationship. , Many people choose to break up because they are unable to create a healthy relationship.
The following are necessary elements that must be maintained in order for any relationship to be completely fulfilling for both partners:
Mutual respect:
Treating your partner as if they are valued & their reciprocation of this treatment Compassion:
Genuine concern for your loved one Empathy:
Openness to how your partner feels Understanding:
Understanding your partner’s feelings & actions Acceptance:
Accepting your mate for who they are & accepting yourself Honesty:
Your relationship is built on truthfulness Trust:
Willingness to let your partner know your private thoughts, feelings, & aspects of life Communication:
Ability to talk freely within your relationship; understanding how to approach your mate with concerns Consideration:
Mindfulness of your loved one’s needs & your own needs Compatibility and mutual interests:
Enjoying & valuing the same things; agreeing to disagree when you do not enjoy or value the same things Personal integrity:
Ability to maintain your beliefs & sense of self; offering your time & attention to the relationship Vulnerability:
Removal of barriers; ability to allow your partner to see you are human and prone to mistakes without fear of consequence , In order to further understand your breakup, think about whether you and your partner regularly disagreed regarding any of the following major relationship areas:
Shared finances Recreation & common interests Religious beliefs Displays of affection Friendships Sexual relations Behaviors Life philosophies Family relations Life goals Time spent together Decision-making Household responsibilities Career goals/outlooks , Remember that going through a breakup will require a mourning process.Grief is a natural reaction to any kind of loss.
Going through a breakup is painful because it may represent the loss of not only the relationship, but of any shared hopes and commitments.
When faced with a new uncertain future, it is perfectly normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, confused, or anxious. , Do not allow painful feelings to linger excessively, but do not attempt to ignore them either.
It is okay to give yourself permission to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time; you may not feel up to being quite as productive at work, or it may be difficult to give attention to others as you have been accustomed to for a short while.
Be sure to take the time to acknowledge your feelings and allow them to process completely.
Even if it is difficult, attempt to talk to others about your feelings, so that you will feel less alone with your pain.
However, be sure to remind yourself that moving on is the ultimate goal, and that you still have a hopeful future with new hopes and dreams that will replace your old ones. , If your self-esteem is suffering from the break-up, it’s likely that your inner voice is being overly critical of your role in the break-up.Understand that it’s possible to make mistakes and be imperfect without being self-deprecating.
If you find that your inner voice is saying negative things about you, try stopping and writing down the negative thought.
Then cross it out and re-write the thought as something constructive.
For example, “I was too clingy” should be crossed out and replaced with “I will work on being more trusting and confident.” For example, “I mess up every relationship eventually” should be crossed out and replaced with “I will keep looking for the right partner and work towards a healthy, strong relationship.”
About the Author
Marilyn Perry
Marilyn Perry is an experienced writer with over 3 years of expertise in arts and creative design. Passionate about sharing practical knowledge, Marilyn creates easy-to-follow guides that help readers achieve their goals.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: