How to Break Up with Your Friend
Arrange a time and place to meet up., Tell your friend why you're ending it., Give your friend a chance to talk., Set boundaries., Stick to your boundaries.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Arrange a time and place to meet up.
When you don't want to keep the person guessing about why you don't want to be friends, a face to face conversation might be in order.
Parks and coffee shops are good stops for breakups because they're neutral, public locations.
Even though things might get emotional during your conversation, you'll both be likely to keep things contained if you're in a public place.
Avoid arranging to have a long meal together, since you might be ready to go before the food even arrives.
If you don't want to meet in person, it's fine to break up with your friend over the phone.
Avoid doing it over text, since it's harder to express yourself fully and have a real conversation.
Do not break up with your friend in front of people you both know.
This can be deeply embarrassing and hurtful. -
Step 2: Tell your friend why you're ending it.
Be straightforward about why you don't want to be friends.
Did your friend cheat with your boyfriend? Does he or she constantly cut you down? Whatever the reason, now is the time to spell it out.
Telling your friend exactly what's going on is a brave thing to do, and in the end the person will probably be glad to know what happened.
There is a situation in which being straightforward is not the kindest way to end a friendship.
If you just don't like the person anymore, through no fault of his or her own, there's really no reason to say it out loud.
If this is the case, go back to Method 1 and let the friendship naturally fade. , Your friend will either get defensive, apologize, or do a mix of both after your confrontation.
You might want to hear him or her out, just in case there's the tiniest chance that you want to stay friends after all.
If it's possible there was some kind of misunderstanding, you'll want to know.
If that's not possible, continue the breakup process. , Maybe you want to cut things off for good right here and now, or maybe you're fine seeing the person every now and then in a group setting.
Whatever the case, be very clear that this is a breaking point, and from now on things will be different.
Lay out your boundaries up front so you won't be tempted to back down later.
If you never want to talk again, tell the person you won't be in touch after this and that you don't want to hear from him or her, either.
If you're still fine hanging out in a group but you don't want to have one-on-one talks, it's fine to say that.
It's also fine to say that you might be open to renewing the friendship later, but only if you mean it.
Otherwise the person might keep trying to get in touch when you just want to be left alone.
Just be crystal clear about your expectations so your former friend won't get confused. , If the person tries to get in touch or win you back over, don't respond.
You've said your piece, you've heard the person out, and now your obligation as a friend is over.
Just like when you break up with a significant other, breaking up with a friend means you don't have to be responsible for that person anymore.
This is easier said than done.
If your former friend is really upset, it might be extremely hard to ignore his or her calls and texts.
If you're serious about breaking up this friendship, don't let the person cross your boundaries.
You'll just give him or her the wrong impression and make things harder in the future. -
Step 3: Give your friend a chance to talk.
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Step 4: Set boundaries.
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Step 5: Stick to your boundaries.
Detailed Guide
When you don't want to keep the person guessing about why you don't want to be friends, a face to face conversation might be in order.
Parks and coffee shops are good stops for breakups because they're neutral, public locations.
Even though things might get emotional during your conversation, you'll both be likely to keep things contained if you're in a public place.
Avoid arranging to have a long meal together, since you might be ready to go before the food even arrives.
If you don't want to meet in person, it's fine to break up with your friend over the phone.
Avoid doing it over text, since it's harder to express yourself fully and have a real conversation.
Do not break up with your friend in front of people you both know.
This can be deeply embarrassing and hurtful.
Be straightforward about why you don't want to be friends.
Did your friend cheat with your boyfriend? Does he or she constantly cut you down? Whatever the reason, now is the time to spell it out.
Telling your friend exactly what's going on is a brave thing to do, and in the end the person will probably be glad to know what happened.
There is a situation in which being straightforward is not the kindest way to end a friendship.
If you just don't like the person anymore, through no fault of his or her own, there's really no reason to say it out loud.
If this is the case, go back to Method 1 and let the friendship naturally fade. , Your friend will either get defensive, apologize, or do a mix of both after your confrontation.
You might want to hear him or her out, just in case there's the tiniest chance that you want to stay friends after all.
If it's possible there was some kind of misunderstanding, you'll want to know.
If that's not possible, continue the breakup process. , Maybe you want to cut things off for good right here and now, or maybe you're fine seeing the person every now and then in a group setting.
Whatever the case, be very clear that this is a breaking point, and from now on things will be different.
Lay out your boundaries up front so you won't be tempted to back down later.
If you never want to talk again, tell the person you won't be in touch after this and that you don't want to hear from him or her, either.
If you're still fine hanging out in a group but you don't want to have one-on-one talks, it's fine to say that.
It's also fine to say that you might be open to renewing the friendship later, but only if you mean it.
Otherwise the person might keep trying to get in touch when you just want to be left alone.
Just be crystal clear about your expectations so your former friend won't get confused. , If the person tries to get in touch or win you back over, don't respond.
You've said your piece, you've heard the person out, and now your obligation as a friend is over.
Just like when you break up with a significant other, breaking up with a friend means you don't have to be responsible for that person anymore.
This is easier said than done.
If your former friend is really upset, it might be extremely hard to ignore his or her calls and texts.
If you're serious about breaking up this friendship, don't let the person cross your boundaries.
You'll just give him or her the wrong impression and make things harder in the future.
About the Author
Amber Cooper
Committed to making hobbies accessible and understandable for everyone.
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