How to Choose a Rabbi to Officiate Your Wedding
Start your search early., Decide if, in fact, you need a rabbi., Look for a rabbi you can work with., Know the fee schedule upfront.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Start your search early.
Many rabbis are in demand for weddings and other services, sometimes booking their schedules years in advance.
You're more likely to get the rabbi you're interested in having conduct your wedding do so if you give him or her enough lead time. -
Step 2: Decide if
Under Jewish tradition, having a member of the clergy is not necessary to have a Jewish wedding.
The bride and groom marry each other.
All that Jewish law requires are the ketubah, 2 male or female kosher witnesses and someone knowledgeable enough to conduct the ceremony according to Jewish tradition.
Whoever conducts the ceremony must be licensed in the state you're marrying in.
If you and your future spouse belong to the same synagogue, you're in luck! If the two of you belong to different synagogues, talk to BOTH rabbis about what to do.
A cantor is also a member of the Jewish clergy and is licensed to perform weddings.
If you want music to be important to your wedding and/or a rabbi is not available, the cantor can perform the ceremony.
You can also have both a rabbi and cantor if you wish.
Some states allow Quaker-style weddings, which have no officiant but incorporate readings and blessings for the couple, with everyone attending serving as witness.
Some couples accordingly choose to adapt Jewish traditions to this style of wedding.
If you choose neither a cantor nor a rabbi, check to see if your planned officiant works with a rabbi who can sign the ketubah. , You may have certain ideas you want to incorporate into your wedding, such as writing your own ketubah contract text or using gender-sensitive language to refer to God.
You'll want to choose a rabbi whose approach to the wedding matches your own.
Prepare a series of questions to interview prospective rabbis.
You should cover such things as the rabbi's general approach to weddings, his or her attitude on the liturgy, whether you can schedule times to consult about the wedding, whether he or she wishes to oversee setting up the chuppah and other important factors.
Your prospective rabbi may ask you and your future spouse to attend one pre-marital counseling sessions prior to the wedding.
This assures the rabbi that you have prepared for married life and not just the marriage ceremony and gives the rabbi the opportunity to see if he or she can work with you.
If the marriage is an interfaith marriage, be aware that Orthodox and Conservative rabbis don't perform interfaith ceremonies, and while Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis are permitted to do so, many choose not to.
In such a case, it may be necessary to find a non-affiliated rabbi, especially if the ceremony is to be jointly officiated by clergy of the faith of each half of the couple.
Joint ceremonies are the best way to go. , If you choose a rabbi other than a family friend, you'll likely have to pay a deposit to reserve his or her services.
A rabbi's honorarium, or fee, should cover the time spent officiating the wedding, meeting with the couple beforehand, telephone conversations, and advice on Jewish customs.
If the wedding is a destination wedding, travel arrangements for the rabbi should be included.
However, if the rabbi chooses to bring a spouse or stay over at the destination, the rabbi should be expected to pay those additional expenses. -
Step 3: in fact
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Step 4: you need a rabbi.
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Step 5: Look for a rabbi you can work with.
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Step 6: Know the fee schedule upfront.
Detailed Guide
Many rabbis are in demand for weddings and other services, sometimes booking their schedules years in advance.
You're more likely to get the rabbi you're interested in having conduct your wedding do so if you give him or her enough lead time.
Under Jewish tradition, having a member of the clergy is not necessary to have a Jewish wedding.
The bride and groom marry each other.
All that Jewish law requires are the ketubah, 2 male or female kosher witnesses and someone knowledgeable enough to conduct the ceremony according to Jewish tradition.
Whoever conducts the ceremony must be licensed in the state you're marrying in.
If you and your future spouse belong to the same synagogue, you're in luck! If the two of you belong to different synagogues, talk to BOTH rabbis about what to do.
A cantor is also a member of the Jewish clergy and is licensed to perform weddings.
If you want music to be important to your wedding and/or a rabbi is not available, the cantor can perform the ceremony.
You can also have both a rabbi and cantor if you wish.
Some states allow Quaker-style weddings, which have no officiant but incorporate readings and blessings for the couple, with everyone attending serving as witness.
Some couples accordingly choose to adapt Jewish traditions to this style of wedding.
If you choose neither a cantor nor a rabbi, check to see if your planned officiant works with a rabbi who can sign the ketubah. , You may have certain ideas you want to incorporate into your wedding, such as writing your own ketubah contract text or using gender-sensitive language to refer to God.
You'll want to choose a rabbi whose approach to the wedding matches your own.
Prepare a series of questions to interview prospective rabbis.
You should cover such things as the rabbi's general approach to weddings, his or her attitude on the liturgy, whether you can schedule times to consult about the wedding, whether he or she wishes to oversee setting up the chuppah and other important factors.
Your prospective rabbi may ask you and your future spouse to attend one pre-marital counseling sessions prior to the wedding.
This assures the rabbi that you have prepared for married life and not just the marriage ceremony and gives the rabbi the opportunity to see if he or she can work with you.
If the marriage is an interfaith marriage, be aware that Orthodox and Conservative rabbis don't perform interfaith ceremonies, and while Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis are permitted to do so, many choose not to.
In such a case, it may be necessary to find a non-affiliated rabbi, especially if the ceremony is to be jointly officiated by clergy of the faith of each half of the couple.
Joint ceremonies are the best way to go. , If you choose a rabbi other than a family friend, you'll likely have to pay a deposit to reserve his or her services.
A rabbi's honorarium, or fee, should cover the time spent officiating the wedding, meeting with the couple beforehand, telephone conversations, and advice on Jewish customs.
If the wedding is a destination wedding, travel arrangements for the rabbi should be included.
However, if the rabbi chooses to bring a spouse or stay over at the destination, the rabbi should be expected to pay those additional expenses.
About the Author
Joyce Gonzales
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in practical skills and beyond.
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