How to Compromise With Your Spouse
Aim to collect wins for the relationship., Make a pros and cons list for each of you., Conduct a brainstorm session., Speak up if something is happening that you don’t agree with., Recognize when you’re compromising too little.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Aim to collect wins for the relationship.
Many times, when couples are in disagreement, each partner tries to prove that he or she is right.
Doing this increases the distance between the two of you.
Remember that trying to be right can make the relationship lose.
Think like a team—each player must contribute to the win.
If one player loses, everyone loses.
Compromise provides a chance for the relationship (i.e. both of you) to win rather than just one of you.
If you keep this in mind during an argument, you are more likely to reach a solution that benefits the well-being of your relationship.
The next time you and your partner are vying to be right, take a breather and consider what being right is doing for the relationship as a whole.
Don't allow your pride to weaken your bond with your spouse.
Try to reach the resolution that fosters growth and success for the relationship. -
Step 2: Make a pros and cons list for each of you.
To reach a mutually beneficial solution, it may be a good idea to take a step back and view the situation more objectively.
Each of you can create a two-column list of pros and cons about the issue, including how the issue aligns with each of your personal beliefs and values.
Once you have completed the lists, discuss them aloud to see if the benefits of the decision outweigh the downsides.Consider that issues that go against one of your personal beliefs may require more compromise from one partner than the other.
Try to reach a conclusion that does not require either of you to sacrifice your values. , If you are debating a complex issue, you may want to ponder potential avenues over a span of days or weeks rather than jumping to a conclusion.
You can hold a brainstorm session listing out all the possible ways you can handle a given problem.
You can then go over the list with family members or friends and consider their opinions.
Sleeping on the issue and letting it sit for a while may help you to reach a natural conclusion once the emotions die down.For example, imagine your spouse received a promotion that would require a cross-country move.
The two of you might weigh the pros and cons--like more money for the household versus one spouse having to leave his or her current job.
Then, you might choose to discuss the matter with your parents or your children.
If everyone together can see that the move might be beneficial (even if the initial change is hard), then you might agree to go forward with it. , If you have become the doormat in your marriage, it is time to start saying how you feel, offering your opinions and giving your take on how you would like to do certain things.
Improve your assertiveness by:
Taking baby steps.
The next time your partner asks your opinion about something seemingly small, such as an outfit or what movie to watch, provide an answer.
Do this bit by bit, until you start to feel more comfortable using your voice.
Say “no” if you must.
While you want to please your partner, you must expect that you won’t always be able to meet his or her every need or demand.
Exercise your right to say “no”.
For example, if you are really busy and your spouse asks for a favor, you might say “I’m sorry, I can’t right now, honey.
Can we work out something else?” , Marriage is about give and take.
Yes, at some point or another both of you will make sacrifices.
But, it’s another matter when you’re always the one taking and never giving.
If compromising for the sake of the relationship requires that your partner turn his or her back on core values and beliefs, you may be the one that needs to up your compromising skills.A one-sided relationship that does not allow you or your partner to be who you are or live out your truths is extremely unhealthy.
See a counselor if you have trouble compromising to the point that your partner is always bending to meet your needs. -
Step 3: Conduct a brainstorm session.
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Step 4: Speak up if something is happening that you don’t agree with.
-
Step 5: Recognize when you’re compromising too little.
Detailed Guide
Many times, when couples are in disagreement, each partner tries to prove that he or she is right.
Doing this increases the distance between the two of you.
Remember that trying to be right can make the relationship lose.
Think like a team—each player must contribute to the win.
If one player loses, everyone loses.
Compromise provides a chance for the relationship (i.e. both of you) to win rather than just one of you.
If you keep this in mind during an argument, you are more likely to reach a solution that benefits the well-being of your relationship.
The next time you and your partner are vying to be right, take a breather and consider what being right is doing for the relationship as a whole.
Don't allow your pride to weaken your bond with your spouse.
Try to reach the resolution that fosters growth and success for the relationship.
To reach a mutually beneficial solution, it may be a good idea to take a step back and view the situation more objectively.
Each of you can create a two-column list of pros and cons about the issue, including how the issue aligns with each of your personal beliefs and values.
Once you have completed the lists, discuss them aloud to see if the benefits of the decision outweigh the downsides.Consider that issues that go against one of your personal beliefs may require more compromise from one partner than the other.
Try to reach a conclusion that does not require either of you to sacrifice your values. , If you are debating a complex issue, you may want to ponder potential avenues over a span of days or weeks rather than jumping to a conclusion.
You can hold a brainstorm session listing out all the possible ways you can handle a given problem.
You can then go over the list with family members or friends and consider their opinions.
Sleeping on the issue and letting it sit for a while may help you to reach a natural conclusion once the emotions die down.For example, imagine your spouse received a promotion that would require a cross-country move.
The two of you might weigh the pros and cons--like more money for the household versus one spouse having to leave his or her current job.
Then, you might choose to discuss the matter with your parents or your children.
If everyone together can see that the move might be beneficial (even if the initial change is hard), then you might agree to go forward with it. , If you have become the doormat in your marriage, it is time to start saying how you feel, offering your opinions and giving your take on how you would like to do certain things.
Improve your assertiveness by:
Taking baby steps.
The next time your partner asks your opinion about something seemingly small, such as an outfit or what movie to watch, provide an answer.
Do this bit by bit, until you start to feel more comfortable using your voice.
Say “no” if you must.
While you want to please your partner, you must expect that you won’t always be able to meet his or her every need or demand.
Exercise your right to say “no”.
For example, if you are really busy and your spouse asks for a favor, you might say “I’m sorry, I can’t right now, honey.
Can we work out something else?” , Marriage is about give and take.
Yes, at some point or another both of you will make sacrifices.
But, it’s another matter when you’re always the one taking and never giving.
If compromising for the sake of the relationship requires that your partner turn his or her back on core values and beliefs, you may be the one that needs to up your compromising skills.A one-sided relationship that does not allow you or your partner to be who you are or live out your truths is extremely unhealthy.
See a counselor if you have trouble compromising to the point that your partner is always bending to meet your needs.
About the Author
Sophia Bishop
Brings years of experience writing about pet care and related subjects.
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