How to Contest a Divorce
Consider mediation before going to court., Consider the disadvantages of mediation as well., Suggest mediation to your spouse., Find a mediator., Call the mediator., Attend the mediation meeting., Make an opening statement., Discuss your...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Consider mediation before going to court.
Mediation has a number of advantages over going to court, and you should know these advantages before proceeding with a court action.
Some of the advantages of mediation are:
Mediation is less expensive.
Most mediations end in resolution of all of the issues pertaining to the divorce.
Mediation is confidential.
That means there will be no public record of the conversations that take place in your mediation sessions.
Mediation lets you come to a resolution of your issues based on what you and your spouse think is a fair solution.
Therefore, through mediation, you avoid a court-imposed solution that may be based on strict legal principles.
Mediation still gives you the option of seeking the help of a lawyer if you wish.
You and your spouse, rather than the court, can control the mediation process, which is not true of the court process.
Mediation can help you avoid future conflicts with your spouse and can improve present and future communication between the two of you. -
Step 2: Consider the disadvantages of mediation as well.
While mediation has a list of benefits over going to court for couples involved in a contested case, mediation is not for everyone.
There may be instances in which mediation is not the best option for a particular couple, in particular if any of the following apply:
When there has been domestic violence in the relationship, you may worry that the dynamics of the relationship would be replicated in the mediation sessions.
Some people may find, in such situations, easier to have a lawyer negotiate on their behalf.
The mediator does not have the authority to order either of the parties to do anything.
That makes it possible for one party who wants to delay paying support, or delay the proceedings generally, to stall the process. , If you feel that mediation is the best way to resolve your disagreement with your spouse, suggest mediation.
Your spouse may agree that the benefits of mediation outweigh its costs and may find mediation preferable to having a court resolve your contested case. , If you and your spouse do decide to go ahead with mediation as a way of resolving your dispute, find a mediator.
If you are working with an attorney, your attorney can suggest a mediator.
If, however, you are representing yourself, you will have to find a divorce mediator.Mediator referrals are available on the internet at such websites as www.mediate.com, www.divorcenet.com, and www.nolo.com.You can also contact mediation or family law organizations such as the Association for Conflict Resolution (www.acrnet.org), the American Arbitration Association (www.adr.org), and the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (www.afccnet.org) for referrals.Other places to call for recommendations on finding a mediator include your local community mediation center (ask whether your case is appropriate for low-cost community mediation), your local bar association, or your local organization of therapists or financial professionals.You can also search your phone directory for “mediation,” “divorce mediation,” “dispute resolution,” or related terms.Be sure to find a mediator who has experience in divorce cases, as a general or business mediator with no such experience may not be the best option., Once you have received referrals for or found a mediator yourself, call the office of one of the mediators.
This first call should give you a good idea of the mediator’s style and personality and should help you get an idea of whether or not you want to work with that mediator.
You may be asked some basic questions about yourself, your family, and your marriage.
Some mediators use this call to gather a great deal of basic information while others prefer to gather the most important information at the first meeting., If you express an interest in moving forward with the mediation, the mediator will schedule your first meeting, which will be attended by both you and your spouse and will normally take place in an office or conference room.
The mediator will go over important information with you about the process and ask you to sign a mediation agreement, which will include a statement on keeping the mediation proceedings confidential.
The mediator will also use this opportunity to establish a rapport with you and your spouse and make both of you feel comfortable., At the first meeting, the mediator will ask you and your spouse to make opening statements.
The mediator may then ask you some questions about what each of you has said and will try to ensure that everyone is on the same page in terms of what has been said., After hearing and discussing your opening statements, the mediator will then try to make clear those issues on which you agree and those on which you disagree.
You will discuss what work needs to be done to bring yourself and your spouse into agreement on the issues on which you disagree.
Depending on the nature of the disagreement, there may be additional information that you need to provide at a later meeting (e.g. if you are dealing with a property dispute and you and your spouse agree to sell the property, you will need to know the value of the property; if you do not know that value, you will need to bring that information to the next meeting)., The mediator will help you negotiate an agreement.
Negotiating an agreement often involves give and take, so you should be open to compromise and you should try to understand and listen to your spouse’s point of view.
That does not necessarily mean you should agree to everything your spouse asks for but approaching the negotiation with the willingness to compromise and the willingness to understand your spouse’s point of view will help you come up with a solution more easily.
Moreover, if you express a willingness to compromise and to be understanding, your spouse is more likely to do the same., Once negotiations are completed, the mediator or your attorney (if one is representing you) will draw up an agreement, which will be incorporated along with the rest of your divorce paperwork.
The agreement will become part of your divorce judgment and will, therefore, become enforceable by a court.
However, court enforcement of mediation agreements is usually not required because couples tend to follow the terms of the agreement (since the mediation process tends to ensure that the parties are comfortable with the terms of the agreement). -
Step 3: Suggest mediation to your spouse.
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Step 4: Find a mediator.
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Step 5: Call the mediator.
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Step 6: Attend the mediation meeting.
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Step 7: Make an opening statement.
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Step 8: Discuss your disagreements and come up with solutions.
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Step 9: Negotiate a mediation agreement.
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Step 10: Complete a mediation agreement.
Detailed Guide
Mediation has a number of advantages over going to court, and you should know these advantages before proceeding with a court action.
Some of the advantages of mediation are:
Mediation is less expensive.
Most mediations end in resolution of all of the issues pertaining to the divorce.
Mediation is confidential.
That means there will be no public record of the conversations that take place in your mediation sessions.
Mediation lets you come to a resolution of your issues based on what you and your spouse think is a fair solution.
Therefore, through mediation, you avoid a court-imposed solution that may be based on strict legal principles.
Mediation still gives you the option of seeking the help of a lawyer if you wish.
You and your spouse, rather than the court, can control the mediation process, which is not true of the court process.
Mediation can help you avoid future conflicts with your spouse and can improve present and future communication between the two of you.
While mediation has a list of benefits over going to court for couples involved in a contested case, mediation is not for everyone.
There may be instances in which mediation is not the best option for a particular couple, in particular if any of the following apply:
When there has been domestic violence in the relationship, you may worry that the dynamics of the relationship would be replicated in the mediation sessions.
Some people may find, in such situations, easier to have a lawyer negotiate on their behalf.
The mediator does not have the authority to order either of the parties to do anything.
That makes it possible for one party who wants to delay paying support, or delay the proceedings generally, to stall the process. , If you feel that mediation is the best way to resolve your disagreement with your spouse, suggest mediation.
Your spouse may agree that the benefits of mediation outweigh its costs and may find mediation preferable to having a court resolve your contested case. , If you and your spouse do decide to go ahead with mediation as a way of resolving your dispute, find a mediator.
If you are working with an attorney, your attorney can suggest a mediator.
If, however, you are representing yourself, you will have to find a divorce mediator.Mediator referrals are available on the internet at such websites as www.mediate.com, www.divorcenet.com, and www.nolo.com.You can also contact mediation or family law organizations such as the Association for Conflict Resolution (www.acrnet.org), the American Arbitration Association (www.adr.org), and the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (www.afccnet.org) for referrals.Other places to call for recommendations on finding a mediator include your local community mediation center (ask whether your case is appropriate for low-cost community mediation), your local bar association, or your local organization of therapists or financial professionals.You can also search your phone directory for “mediation,” “divorce mediation,” “dispute resolution,” or related terms.Be sure to find a mediator who has experience in divorce cases, as a general or business mediator with no such experience may not be the best option., Once you have received referrals for or found a mediator yourself, call the office of one of the mediators.
This first call should give you a good idea of the mediator’s style and personality and should help you get an idea of whether or not you want to work with that mediator.
You may be asked some basic questions about yourself, your family, and your marriage.
Some mediators use this call to gather a great deal of basic information while others prefer to gather the most important information at the first meeting., If you express an interest in moving forward with the mediation, the mediator will schedule your first meeting, which will be attended by both you and your spouse and will normally take place in an office or conference room.
The mediator will go over important information with you about the process and ask you to sign a mediation agreement, which will include a statement on keeping the mediation proceedings confidential.
The mediator will also use this opportunity to establish a rapport with you and your spouse and make both of you feel comfortable., At the first meeting, the mediator will ask you and your spouse to make opening statements.
The mediator may then ask you some questions about what each of you has said and will try to ensure that everyone is on the same page in terms of what has been said., After hearing and discussing your opening statements, the mediator will then try to make clear those issues on which you agree and those on which you disagree.
You will discuss what work needs to be done to bring yourself and your spouse into agreement on the issues on which you disagree.
Depending on the nature of the disagreement, there may be additional information that you need to provide at a later meeting (e.g. if you are dealing with a property dispute and you and your spouse agree to sell the property, you will need to know the value of the property; if you do not know that value, you will need to bring that information to the next meeting)., The mediator will help you negotiate an agreement.
Negotiating an agreement often involves give and take, so you should be open to compromise and you should try to understand and listen to your spouse’s point of view.
That does not necessarily mean you should agree to everything your spouse asks for but approaching the negotiation with the willingness to compromise and the willingness to understand your spouse’s point of view will help you come up with a solution more easily.
Moreover, if you express a willingness to compromise and to be understanding, your spouse is more likely to do the same., Once negotiations are completed, the mediator or your attorney (if one is representing you) will draw up an agreement, which will be incorporated along with the rest of your divorce paperwork.
The agreement will become part of your divorce judgment and will, therefore, become enforceable by a court.
However, court enforcement of mediation agreements is usually not required because couples tend to follow the terms of the agreement (since the mediation process tends to ensure that the parties are comfortable with the terms of the agreement).
About the Author
Ashley Jackson
Writer and educator with a focus on practical crafts knowledge.
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