How to Convince Your Mom to Give Your Girlfriend a Chance
Ask your mom directly what her reservations are., Appeal to your mom’s sense of fairness., Don’t be defensive.If your mom does have a long list of things she doesn’t like about your girlfriend, your first reaction might be to jump to your girl’s...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask your mom directly what her reservations are.
Your mom won’t see your girlfriend the way you do at the beginning, but that’s normal.Give your mom room to voice her issues about your girlfriend and feel heard.
Once you know what your mom doesn’t like, you can address the issues directly.
You could start the conversation by saying, “Mom, I can tell you have some doubts about my girlfriend.
What is it that makes you think she isn’t right for me?” If she gives feelings without specifics, you could say, “I understand how you feel, but what are the specific things you have seen or heard that make you feel that way? I want to make sure I understand what has caused your negative feelings.” -
Step 2: Appeal to your mom’s sense of fairness.
If your mother is attacking your girlfriend personally or expressing doubts without enough experience, frame her judgments as they are: personal and premature.
For example, you might say, “I understand you don’t like those things, but how do they make my girlfriend a bad person or bad for me?” If your mom has yet to even meet your girlfriend, you might try, "Mom, I know that you are hesitating to accept her as part of my life, but it's a little hasty to judge someone before meeting her.
It’s not fair to her or me not to even give her a chance.” , Resist that urge and keep listening.
Acknowledge if your mother makes a legitimate point without losing ground.
For example:
If your mother rightly points out that your girlfriend is often late, you could say, “She can be late sometimes, but it’s not out of disrespect and doesn’t affect our relationship.” If your mom is right that your girlfriend misplaces items easily, try, “Yes, she lost a pair of sunglasses and her water bottle.
She’s never lost anything important, and how does any of that make her a bad person or a bad girlfriend anyway?” , This appeals to your mother’s sense of pride.
What parent doesn’t want to feel like they have raised a responsible and conscientious child? For instance, you could try saying one or more of the following lines: ”Mom, you taught me to always be honest with my feelings and genuine around people.
The more I did that, the more my girlfriend and I started getting along.
We are dating because I followed your advice and learned to be a good person.” ”You taught me to make a list of pros and cons when making a big decision.
When I decided to date my girlfriend, the pros totally outweighed the cons five to one.” ”When I started working at the café near school, I learned how important free time is.
When I asked myself what I could do to make the most of my precious free time, I decided this relationship was right for me.
I made a rational decision based on a lesson you wanted me to learn.” , Dating and romance change as culture and the times change so take a little time to point out some of those new developments to your mom.
She might not understand your relationship because she is looking at it from within an older worldview.
For example, you could say, “Things aren’t as formal now, mom.
Just because my girlfriend doesn’t come to the door every time she picks me up doesn’t mean she is disrespecting you.
She texts when she is pulling up outside, and I run out the door.
It’s quicker and easier.” Give your mom a lesson in social media and try, “We don’t have to talk on the phone as much or plan dates, mom.
We know each other pretty well already because we are friends online, and we hang out a lot with our shared group of friends when we go out.” , Your mom wants to know that you still need her, not just her money! If you let your girlfriend take on all the roles your mom once did, you risk alienating your mom even more.
You could say, “She is just my girlfriend, mom.
She isn’t the only friend I have or the only girl I respect.
You’ve been my mom my whole life and will stay my mom for the rest of our lives; I know that.” Trust that your mom is feeling the stress of this conflict too., Let your mom know that you respect her opinions and want her to stay involved in your changing life.
She has more experience in the world of romance than you, and it shows wisdom on your part to trust her judgment.
Your mom will trust your judgment more if she knows you take time to think and talk through your relationships.
Your mom used to be a girl (maybe one not altogether different from your girlfriend) so she has insight into how things work in "girl world." Getting an adult’s perspective on love can help you keep your feet on the ground when dating and romance can make your head spin. -
Step 3: Don’t be defensive.If your mom does have a long list of things she doesn’t like about your girlfriend
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Step 4: your first reaction might be to jump to your girl’s defense.
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Step 5: Convince your mom that she raised you to make good decisions.
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Step 6: Remind your mom how dating has changed since she was a girl.
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Step 7: Reassure your mom that your girlfriend is not taking her place.
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Step 8: Discuss broader relationship issues with your mom.
Detailed Guide
Your mom won’t see your girlfriend the way you do at the beginning, but that’s normal.Give your mom room to voice her issues about your girlfriend and feel heard.
Once you know what your mom doesn’t like, you can address the issues directly.
You could start the conversation by saying, “Mom, I can tell you have some doubts about my girlfriend.
What is it that makes you think she isn’t right for me?” If she gives feelings without specifics, you could say, “I understand how you feel, but what are the specific things you have seen or heard that make you feel that way? I want to make sure I understand what has caused your negative feelings.”
If your mother is attacking your girlfriend personally or expressing doubts without enough experience, frame her judgments as they are: personal and premature.
For example, you might say, “I understand you don’t like those things, but how do they make my girlfriend a bad person or bad for me?” If your mom has yet to even meet your girlfriend, you might try, "Mom, I know that you are hesitating to accept her as part of my life, but it's a little hasty to judge someone before meeting her.
It’s not fair to her or me not to even give her a chance.” , Resist that urge and keep listening.
Acknowledge if your mother makes a legitimate point without losing ground.
For example:
If your mother rightly points out that your girlfriend is often late, you could say, “She can be late sometimes, but it’s not out of disrespect and doesn’t affect our relationship.” If your mom is right that your girlfriend misplaces items easily, try, “Yes, she lost a pair of sunglasses and her water bottle.
She’s never lost anything important, and how does any of that make her a bad person or a bad girlfriend anyway?” , This appeals to your mother’s sense of pride.
What parent doesn’t want to feel like they have raised a responsible and conscientious child? For instance, you could try saying one or more of the following lines: ”Mom, you taught me to always be honest with my feelings and genuine around people.
The more I did that, the more my girlfriend and I started getting along.
We are dating because I followed your advice and learned to be a good person.” ”You taught me to make a list of pros and cons when making a big decision.
When I decided to date my girlfriend, the pros totally outweighed the cons five to one.” ”When I started working at the café near school, I learned how important free time is.
When I asked myself what I could do to make the most of my precious free time, I decided this relationship was right for me.
I made a rational decision based on a lesson you wanted me to learn.” , Dating and romance change as culture and the times change so take a little time to point out some of those new developments to your mom.
She might not understand your relationship because she is looking at it from within an older worldview.
For example, you could say, “Things aren’t as formal now, mom.
Just because my girlfriend doesn’t come to the door every time she picks me up doesn’t mean she is disrespecting you.
She texts when she is pulling up outside, and I run out the door.
It’s quicker and easier.” Give your mom a lesson in social media and try, “We don’t have to talk on the phone as much or plan dates, mom.
We know each other pretty well already because we are friends online, and we hang out a lot with our shared group of friends when we go out.” , Your mom wants to know that you still need her, not just her money! If you let your girlfriend take on all the roles your mom once did, you risk alienating your mom even more.
You could say, “She is just my girlfriend, mom.
She isn’t the only friend I have or the only girl I respect.
You’ve been my mom my whole life and will stay my mom for the rest of our lives; I know that.” Trust that your mom is feeling the stress of this conflict too., Let your mom know that you respect her opinions and want her to stay involved in your changing life.
She has more experience in the world of romance than you, and it shows wisdom on your part to trust her judgment.
Your mom will trust your judgment more if she knows you take time to think and talk through your relationships.
Your mom used to be a girl (maybe one not altogether different from your girlfriend) so she has insight into how things work in "girl world." Getting an adult’s perspective on love can help you keep your feet on the ground when dating and romance can make your head spin.
About the Author
Beverly Garcia
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow lifestyle tutorials.
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