How to Convince Your Spouse to Help Around the House
Discuss your expectations., Tell your spouse why you need more help., Offer an incentive., Be willing to compromise., Practice tough love., See a marriage therapist.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Discuss your expectations.
Talk with your spouse about what “a clean house” means to both of you.
Tell them what level of cleanliness you need to feel comfortable, and ask them for their perspective on the issue.Some people naturally have a higher tolerance for messiness than others.
A cluttered table that drives you crazy might not even seem like a mess to your spouse.
Keep your tone calm and neutral, even if you’re feeling annoyed with your spouse’s habits.
They won’t want to cooperate with you if they feel attacked. -
Step 2: Tell your spouse why you need more help.
Let your spouse know why you’ve been having a hard time taking care of the housework by yourself.
Be honest about your feelings, but don’t accuse them of being lazy or not caring about you.You could say something like, “Between working late, driving the kids to soccer practice, and making dinner every night, I’ve been pretty stressed lately.
It would really help me feel supported if you helped with a few more things.” Point out the ways helping will benefit your spouse.
For example, say, “You know I’m less grouchy when I’m not stressed, and if you help me out, we’ll have more free time in the evenings.” , While you don't want to come off as bribing your spouse, they may need more incentive to help out around the house more.
Think of ways to motivate your spouse by "rewarding" them for their help.
Consider offering them a weekend off after a full-month of doing household chores, a new TV with the money you save from not having to hire a cleaner, or an intimate evening together once a week.
Research shows that when both spouses participate in household duties, their sex life improves.
Tell your spouse that you get really turned on when you see them pitching in.
Just be sure to actually follow through if you're using intimacy as an incentive.
And, never withhold sex simply because your spouse isn't pitching in., Work with your spouse to come up with a standard of cleanliness you can both live with.
Don’t push your spouse to adopt your idea of a perfectly clean house.
Instead, focus on improving your current situation.For example, you could agree that the den can stay messy as long as the living room gets cleaned more often. , If your spouse is lazy or stubborn about helping out around the house, you may have to play dirty for a time.
Tough love should only be reserved in extreme cases when you have tried everything else.
This consists of cutting back or completely stopping the chores you generally do so your spouse learns to feel your pain.For instance, if you have asked your spouse to help out with folding the laundry and they refuse, you might stop washing the clothes.
Make sure that the children have the items they need, and then suspend the laundry duties.
If your spouse points out the issue, you might say, "Since I couldn't get any help folding the laundry, I had to slow down on all the washing until I have time to do everything.
If you're willing to help me fold, I'll be happy to wash a load."
If your spouse refuses to budge about helping out or refuses to talk to your about the problem, there may be a bigger issue at hand.
If you have tried and failed to convince your spouse to help out around the house, it may benefit you to see a marriage counselor.
Such a professional has experience working through marital conflicts.
He or she can help you better communicate your needs and get to the bottom of your spouse's stubbornness.
Look up marriage and family therapists in your area on reputable sites like the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. -
Step 3: Offer an incentive.
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Step 4: Be willing to compromise.
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Step 5: Practice tough love.
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Step 6: See a marriage therapist.
Detailed Guide
Talk with your spouse about what “a clean house” means to both of you.
Tell them what level of cleanliness you need to feel comfortable, and ask them for their perspective on the issue.Some people naturally have a higher tolerance for messiness than others.
A cluttered table that drives you crazy might not even seem like a mess to your spouse.
Keep your tone calm and neutral, even if you’re feeling annoyed with your spouse’s habits.
They won’t want to cooperate with you if they feel attacked.
Let your spouse know why you’ve been having a hard time taking care of the housework by yourself.
Be honest about your feelings, but don’t accuse them of being lazy or not caring about you.You could say something like, “Between working late, driving the kids to soccer practice, and making dinner every night, I’ve been pretty stressed lately.
It would really help me feel supported if you helped with a few more things.” Point out the ways helping will benefit your spouse.
For example, say, “You know I’m less grouchy when I’m not stressed, and if you help me out, we’ll have more free time in the evenings.” , While you don't want to come off as bribing your spouse, they may need more incentive to help out around the house more.
Think of ways to motivate your spouse by "rewarding" them for their help.
Consider offering them a weekend off after a full-month of doing household chores, a new TV with the money you save from not having to hire a cleaner, or an intimate evening together once a week.
Research shows that when both spouses participate in household duties, their sex life improves.
Tell your spouse that you get really turned on when you see them pitching in.
Just be sure to actually follow through if you're using intimacy as an incentive.
And, never withhold sex simply because your spouse isn't pitching in., Work with your spouse to come up with a standard of cleanliness you can both live with.
Don’t push your spouse to adopt your idea of a perfectly clean house.
Instead, focus on improving your current situation.For example, you could agree that the den can stay messy as long as the living room gets cleaned more often. , If your spouse is lazy or stubborn about helping out around the house, you may have to play dirty for a time.
Tough love should only be reserved in extreme cases when you have tried everything else.
This consists of cutting back or completely stopping the chores you generally do so your spouse learns to feel your pain.For instance, if you have asked your spouse to help out with folding the laundry and they refuse, you might stop washing the clothes.
Make sure that the children have the items they need, and then suspend the laundry duties.
If your spouse points out the issue, you might say, "Since I couldn't get any help folding the laundry, I had to slow down on all the washing until I have time to do everything.
If you're willing to help me fold, I'll be happy to wash a load."
If your spouse refuses to budge about helping out or refuses to talk to your about the problem, there may be a bigger issue at hand.
If you have tried and failed to convince your spouse to help out around the house, it may benefit you to see a marriage counselor.
Such a professional has experience working through marital conflicts.
He or she can help you better communicate your needs and get to the bottom of your spouse's stubbornness.
Look up marriage and family therapists in your area on reputable sites like the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
About the Author
Brittany Reynolds
Creates helpful guides on cooking to inspire and educate readers.
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