How to Cope With Divorce
Give yourself time to grieve., Let go of your regret., Don't go through it alone., Accept that it's over., Take it easy on yourself., Cut off communication with your ex -- if you can.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Give yourself time to grieve.
If you want to cope with your divorce as best as you can, then you need to give yourself time to grieve.
You can't just expect to move on fully as soon as your ex moves out or as soon as the divorce is finalized.
Even if the relationship had gone sour a long time ago, you'll still need time to deal with the emotional pain of ending a relationship with someone you once deeply loved.
Instead of being in denial about how much you're hurting, you should tackle your feelings of confusion, pain, and sorrow head on.
It's okay to just let yourself cry for a while.
This will be therapeutic and will make you feel better
-- it's better than keeping these feelings in and letting them build up.
If you don't want to be social, talk to your friends, or be out and about for a while, that's okay too.
Though you'll feel better once you engage with the world and settle into a comfortable routine, you can't expect to do it overnight.
You can keep a journal for writing down all of your thoughts of confusion and pain.
This will help you heal as you figure out your feelings. -
Step 2: Let go of your regret.
Though you may have a number of regrets about the end of your marriage, whether you regret deeply hurting your loved one, not being around enough, or not taking the time to do the little things that might have helped the relationship grow, you can't waste your time asking "What if..." all day long.
This will only make you feel more upset as you try to change things that are out of your control.
Try making a list of all of the things you regret and then tearing it up.
Once you write down all of the things that you regret, you'll be able to deal with them more easily.
It's likely that your ex is filled with regret, too.
But remind yourself that this feeling won't lead you anywhere. , Once you're ready to talk to your family and friends about the divorce, you should take the time to open up to a few close friends or family members, or even just one close friend or sibling, so you don't have to face all of your hurt feelings by yourself.
Talk to your friends on the phone, meet them for lunch, or even just invite them over to help you heal.
You should also consider getting help from a mental health professional.You don't have to talk about your divorce if you're not feeling up to it yet, but you can't keep all of your pain and hurt to yourself forever.
Your friends can also offer a nice distraction in your time of need.
Having a good friend around can help you take your mind off of your pain.
Even if you're suffering incredible heartache, you may be surprised to find that your best friend can still make you laugh. , You may not be able to accept that your relationship is really over, even if your divorce has been finalized.
It takes time to accept the fact that your life with your former partner won't turn out as you expected, but that doesn't mean that the rest of your life won't go on without your ex.
Take the time to see that it's really over and that no amount of talking, self-improvement, or compromise will change that.
You'll only be able to begin to move on if you accept that your marriage is truly over.
Until you do, you won't be able to enjoy your new life.
Reminding yourself of all the reasons that the marriage ended, and all of the unhappiness you felt, will help you appreciate the fact that it's over more. , While you're starting the healing process, you should avoid being hard on yourself or raising your expectations for how you should behave.
Now's not the time to lose those pesky twenty pounds you've wanted to lose forever, or to start working overtime at your job to try to impress your boss.
You can try to achieve your goals once you're feeling a bit more mentally sound
-- until then, just focus on keeping your head above water.Don't berate yourself for eating too much, waking up late, or forgetting a friend's birthday.
Though you can't use the divorce as an excuse for less than desirable behavior forever, you can't hold yourself to the highest standards in a time of grief. , If there are no kids in the picture and you and your ex have separated and split up your things, then you should avoid talking to, texting, or even using social media to communicate with your ex.
And though you may think it's "mature" of you to hang out with your ex to show that you're hanging in there, you shouldn't grab coffee or chat with your ex on the phone until you really feel like you've moved on.
This could take years, so be patient.
If there are kids in the picture, then you obviously can't ignore your ex completely.
You should still talk when you need to and be as polite and cordial as you can, but don't use the kids to have a long, deep conversation about how much you miss each other. -
Step 3: Don't go through it alone.
-
Step 4: Accept that it's over.
-
Step 5: Take it easy on yourself.
-
Step 6: Cut off communication with your ex -- if you can.
Detailed Guide
If you want to cope with your divorce as best as you can, then you need to give yourself time to grieve.
You can't just expect to move on fully as soon as your ex moves out or as soon as the divorce is finalized.
Even if the relationship had gone sour a long time ago, you'll still need time to deal with the emotional pain of ending a relationship with someone you once deeply loved.
Instead of being in denial about how much you're hurting, you should tackle your feelings of confusion, pain, and sorrow head on.
It's okay to just let yourself cry for a while.
This will be therapeutic and will make you feel better
-- it's better than keeping these feelings in and letting them build up.
If you don't want to be social, talk to your friends, or be out and about for a while, that's okay too.
Though you'll feel better once you engage with the world and settle into a comfortable routine, you can't expect to do it overnight.
You can keep a journal for writing down all of your thoughts of confusion and pain.
This will help you heal as you figure out your feelings.
Though you may have a number of regrets about the end of your marriage, whether you regret deeply hurting your loved one, not being around enough, or not taking the time to do the little things that might have helped the relationship grow, you can't waste your time asking "What if..." all day long.
This will only make you feel more upset as you try to change things that are out of your control.
Try making a list of all of the things you regret and then tearing it up.
Once you write down all of the things that you regret, you'll be able to deal with them more easily.
It's likely that your ex is filled with regret, too.
But remind yourself that this feeling won't lead you anywhere. , Once you're ready to talk to your family and friends about the divorce, you should take the time to open up to a few close friends or family members, or even just one close friend or sibling, so you don't have to face all of your hurt feelings by yourself.
Talk to your friends on the phone, meet them for lunch, or even just invite them over to help you heal.
You should also consider getting help from a mental health professional.You don't have to talk about your divorce if you're not feeling up to it yet, but you can't keep all of your pain and hurt to yourself forever.
Your friends can also offer a nice distraction in your time of need.
Having a good friend around can help you take your mind off of your pain.
Even if you're suffering incredible heartache, you may be surprised to find that your best friend can still make you laugh. , You may not be able to accept that your relationship is really over, even if your divorce has been finalized.
It takes time to accept the fact that your life with your former partner won't turn out as you expected, but that doesn't mean that the rest of your life won't go on without your ex.
Take the time to see that it's really over and that no amount of talking, self-improvement, or compromise will change that.
You'll only be able to begin to move on if you accept that your marriage is truly over.
Until you do, you won't be able to enjoy your new life.
Reminding yourself of all the reasons that the marriage ended, and all of the unhappiness you felt, will help you appreciate the fact that it's over more. , While you're starting the healing process, you should avoid being hard on yourself or raising your expectations for how you should behave.
Now's not the time to lose those pesky twenty pounds you've wanted to lose forever, or to start working overtime at your job to try to impress your boss.
You can try to achieve your goals once you're feeling a bit more mentally sound
-- until then, just focus on keeping your head above water.Don't berate yourself for eating too much, waking up late, or forgetting a friend's birthday.
Though you can't use the divorce as an excuse for less than desirable behavior forever, you can't hold yourself to the highest standards in a time of grief. , If there are no kids in the picture and you and your ex have separated and split up your things, then you should avoid talking to, texting, or even using social media to communicate with your ex.
And though you may think it's "mature" of you to hang out with your ex to show that you're hanging in there, you shouldn't grab coffee or chat with your ex on the phone until you really feel like you've moved on.
This could take years, so be patient.
If there are kids in the picture, then you obviously can't ignore your ex completely.
You should still talk when you need to and be as polite and cordial as you can, but don't use the kids to have a long, deep conversation about how much you miss each other.
About the Author
Katherine Allen
Specializes in breaking down complex crafts topics into simple steps.
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