How to Date when You Both Have Children from Previous Relationships
Talk openly with your date., Take your time., Create boundaries and rules.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Talk openly with your date.
It may seem scary, but talk about how each of you feels about the relationship.
Discuss how you may involve the children in your relationship and what that may look like in the future.
Talk about how often each of you sees your own children and any complications with an ex regarding the children.If it makes you feel more comfortable, then you can also avoid talking about the future and stick to discussing general rules that you have about dating someone regarding your kids.
This may help to open up communication about these things earlier than normal.
However, keep in mind that this may not always be possible.
How big or small of a role with each of your children play in the relationship, and how might that affect you as a couple? What variables should go into making that decision? The age of the children? How big a role you already play in their life and decisions regarding them? What’s the relationship like with the exes for both of you? How might that complicate the relationship? -
Step 2: Take your time.
There’s nothing to rush when entering a relationship and kids are involved.
Give you and your partner time to figure out what you want and whether you can realistically make a relationship work.
If the potential to merge your families might exist in the future, think about what that may be like for you, your partner, and your kids.
If merging both of your families is unrealistic, cautiously consider if you will move forward in the relationship.Be upfront about having kids, but don’t rush to introduce them to the person you’re dating.
Wait until you are solidly a part of each other’s lives and see a future together.
Keep in mind that your kids will notice things and have questions.
Do not lie to them during this time or try to hide the fact that you're dating.
Also, be aware that young children may not understand what dating means, so you will need to explain in words they can understand. , Talk about what is acceptable for your relationship regarding spending time one-on-one, being with your or their kids, staying over, dating, and phone calls.
Once you and your partner are clear, discuss these things with your children as well.
This can help your children feel involved and informed for what happens in their house.Decide how you will spend time together, where you will spend time together, and what kind of communication is acceptable.
Can your date come to your children’s soccer game or accompany you to a work function? Will you let your ex know the kids are meeting someone new? Make sure to be flexible as well.
Take time to reassess the situation every couple of months and discuss what is working and what is not working.
Your children may wish to voice their concerns or ask questions.
It’s important to listen to them and validate their feelings.
Remember, though, that you are the adult and make the final call.
Finding a balance between being there for your kids and making a new relationship work can be difficult, and often will require changing or canceling plans based on your children’s or your date’s children’s needs. -
Step 3: Create boundaries and rules.
Detailed Guide
It may seem scary, but talk about how each of you feels about the relationship.
Discuss how you may involve the children in your relationship and what that may look like in the future.
Talk about how often each of you sees your own children and any complications with an ex regarding the children.If it makes you feel more comfortable, then you can also avoid talking about the future and stick to discussing general rules that you have about dating someone regarding your kids.
This may help to open up communication about these things earlier than normal.
However, keep in mind that this may not always be possible.
How big or small of a role with each of your children play in the relationship, and how might that affect you as a couple? What variables should go into making that decision? The age of the children? How big a role you already play in their life and decisions regarding them? What’s the relationship like with the exes for both of you? How might that complicate the relationship?
There’s nothing to rush when entering a relationship and kids are involved.
Give you and your partner time to figure out what you want and whether you can realistically make a relationship work.
If the potential to merge your families might exist in the future, think about what that may be like for you, your partner, and your kids.
If merging both of your families is unrealistic, cautiously consider if you will move forward in the relationship.Be upfront about having kids, but don’t rush to introduce them to the person you’re dating.
Wait until you are solidly a part of each other’s lives and see a future together.
Keep in mind that your kids will notice things and have questions.
Do not lie to them during this time or try to hide the fact that you're dating.
Also, be aware that young children may not understand what dating means, so you will need to explain in words they can understand. , Talk about what is acceptable for your relationship regarding spending time one-on-one, being with your or their kids, staying over, dating, and phone calls.
Once you and your partner are clear, discuss these things with your children as well.
This can help your children feel involved and informed for what happens in their house.Decide how you will spend time together, where you will spend time together, and what kind of communication is acceptable.
Can your date come to your children’s soccer game or accompany you to a work function? Will you let your ex know the kids are meeting someone new? Make sure to be flexible as well.
Take time to reassess the situation every couple of months and discuss what is working and what is not working.
Your children may wish to voice their concerns or ask questions.
It’s important to listen to them and validate their feelings.
Remember, though, that you are the adult and make the final call.
Finding a balance between being there for your kids and making a new relationship work can be difficult, and often will require changing or canceling plans based on your children’s or your date’s children’s needs.
About the Author
Paul Scott
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow practical skills tutorials.
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