How to Deal with a Partner Who Emotionally Withholds

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Sit down for a one on one conversation.

   The most actionable way to address your partner’s emotional withholding is to ask them to have a one on one conversation with you about the issue.
   
   Suggest having a talk in a neutral place where you will not be disturbed.
   
   If you live together, you may choose to have the talk at the kitchen table or in the living room.
   
   If you live in separate spaces, you may suggest a bench in a park or a local coffee shop that is quiet.Choosing a neutral spot where you can discuss the issue privately will allow both of you to feel comfortable and be honest about how you are feeling.
   
   This is especially important when you are trying to talk to your partner about a subject that may upset or unsettle them, at least at first.
   
   You may say to your partner, "I need to talk to you about something important.
   
   I am finding it hard to connect with you emotionally and wonder if we could try to talk this issue out together."
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   Step 2: Provide specific examples of your partner’s behavior.

   Start the talk by telling your partner that you feel like they have been acting withdrawn and not sharing their emotions with you.
   
   You could then mention specific examples of moments recently or in the past where you feel your partner was emotionally withholding from you.Try to be specific and speak clearly when you bring up these examples.
   
   Do not try to pass judgment or accuse your partner.
   
   Instead, simply relay your experience in your words so they know where you are coming from.
   
   For example, you may say, "I feel invalidated when you do not respond to my story about work." Or, "I feel angry when you do not answer my questions about how you feel." Or, "I feel disconnected from you when you don't answer my questions about your feelings."
   
   When you speak to your partner, you should get in the habit of using “I” statements so you can be accountable for your thoughts and reactions.
   
   Using “I” statements can help you avoid blaming your partner or making assumptions about how your partner is feeling.For example, you may say, “I feel you are emotionally withholding from me and it bothers me” or “I feel we are not communicating our feelings as much as we could be and I would like us to try to figure out why that is.” Try to be accepting and non-judgmental when you speak with your partner as well. , Once you have expressed your feelings to your partner, you should listen to what they have to say in response.
   
   Because your partner is emotionally withholding, they may struggle to express themselves.
   
   Be patient and encourage them to speak to you about how they are feeling.
   
   Tell them that you are here to listen and want your relationship to be about sharing thoughts and feelings, rather than holding back.For example, you may tell your partner, “I know it’s hard for you to express your feelings and open up.
   
   But I want you to know I am here for you and ready to listen.
   
   I want you to feel you can talk to me and be honest about how you’re feeling.” , Though it may be difficult to talk to your partner about this subject, tackling it head on can lead to a better relationship moving forward.
   
   You and your partner should try to come to an agreement on how they will be more emotionally open with you.
   
   You may both need to agree verbally to make some adjustments to your behavior and work on being more open with each other.For example, you may say to your partner, “Can we agree to be more honest with each other and share our feelings more often?” or “Can you agree to be more emotionally open with me going forward?”
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   Step 3: Use “I” statements.

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   Step 4: Listen to what your partner has to say.

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   Step 5: Come to an agreement on what will change moving forward.

Detailed Guide

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