How to Deal with Depression in a Relationship
Look for symptoms of depression., Consider how long you have seen symptoms., Look for changes in sleep habits., Ask about feelings of hopelessness., Notice how the person is performing at work or school., Examine your sex life., Avoid isolation...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Look for symptoms of depression.
Many people confuse depression with "feeling down," but it is more serious than simply feeling sad or upset.
Depression may express itself in a variety of ways, depending on the person experiencing it, and not everyone will have every symptom.
However, in general, you should watch for any of the following:
Frequent, consistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or emptiness (aka "depressed mood") Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness Loss of interest in activities and things the person used to enjoy Fatigue or exhaustion; generally feeling "slower" (aka "psychomotor retardation") Changes in sleep habits (either sleeping too much or sleeping too little, or insomnia) Changes in eating habits, appetite, or weight Restlessness or irritability; feeling "keyed up" (aka "psychomotor agitation") Unexplained physical symptoms (e.g., body aches that don't have a medical cause) Thoughts of death or suicide -
Step 2: Consider how long you have seen symptoms.
There are multiple forms of clinical depression, and they vary in severity and duration.
To count as having a "major depressive episode," the person must have had at least 5 symptoms during a two-week period, and one of those symptoms must be either "depressed mood" or "loss of interest or pleasure."Minor depression:
Symptoms may be less severe, and may not last as long.
Dysthymia or dysthymic disorder:
Symptoms are less severe, but last for much longer (at least two years) Major depression:
Symptoms are severe and interfere with your daily ability to function and enjoy life.
Postpartum depression:
This may occur shortly after a woman gives birth.
It's natural to feel the "baby blues" for a few weeks, but if symptoms last longer than that, it is likely postpartum depression., Both hypersomnia, a desire to sleep too much, and insomnia, difficulty falling or staying asleep, can be symptoms of depression.These symptoms can have a significant impact on romantic relationships.
In the case of hypersomnia, a partner's desire to sleep excessively may feel like s/he is avoiding or rejecting you.
For partners who live together, insomnia may also feel like avoidance or rejection, as sleeping together is likely one way of expressing intimacy.
If your partner is experiencing either of these problems, don't take it personally.
Ask what you can do to help and otherwise maintain your own sleep habits.
If you are suffering from either of these conditions, be mindful of how it may be impacting your partner.
Reassure him or her your need for or inability to sleep is in not related to your feelings for him or her.
If your partner's sleep habits have changed but s/he doesn't know why, and you have observed other symptoms, try gently suggesting that it might be depression.
Tell him or her, "I know you've been under a lot of pressure lately, which can be overwhelming.
Do you think your sleep problems might be a sign of depression?"
If you notice you or your partner seem to respond negatively to most things and lacks motivation, inquire about underlying feelings.
Hopelessness can sap your motivation, and everything feels pointless when you can't imagine circumstances ever improving.This may lead to disinterest in most activities.
This may come off as disinterest in your partner.
Consider participating in activities with your partner, even if they seem futile.
You might at least appreciate the distraction from your feelings.
If you notice your partner has lost interest in doing things you usually enjoy, and especially if you notice a pattern, ask him or her why s/he does not want to participate.
If he or she gives a generic answer, or avoids the conversation, try saying "I'm really concerned about you.
You don't seem to want to do the things you used to like to do.
Please talk to me so I can understand what is going on.
I want to help you."
One way to recognize whether someone may be depressed is to examine his or her performance at work or school.
If you see signs of grades or work performance deteriorating, an increase in the stress the person feels about school or work, or it seems like the person is putting in less effort than usual, talk to him or her.More severe depression may make it feel impossible to perform at school or work.
If the person seems not to care about poor performance, misses school or work, or becomes argumentative when you ask about school or work, suggest looking for professional help. , Depression often kills a person's sex drive, as well as pleasure in many other activities that s/he used to enjoy.If your sex life with your partner has changed dramatically from how it usually is, it may be a sign of depression.
Some antidepressant medications may also contribute to a low libido, so it's important to encourage your partner to talk to the doctor about his or her sex drive., Lack of energy and motivation often leads to depressed people feeling more lonely and isolated.
With less energy and diminishing experiences of pleasure, depressed people tend to opt out of social activities.Friends and family begin to reach out less, anticipating being turned down.
This becomes a worsening cycle.If your partner is depressed, it is important to encourage her or him to tend to relationships with family and friends to prevent isolation.
If your partner seems to be avoiding others, try to start a dialogue about the reason s/he is avoiding socializing.
Tell him or her, "I've noticed you haven't gone out with your friends in awhile." S/he will probably respond that s/he just hasn't felt like going out.
Then tell her or him "I'm worried about you, and maintaining social relationships is important.
I'll clean up the house and then find something to do if you'd like to invite your friends here." Don't become angry or confrontational.
Try to avoid language that sounds blaming, such as "What's with you?" or "What is your problem?" -
Step 3: Look for changes in sleep habits.
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Step 4: Ask about feelings of hopelessness.
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Step 5: Notice how the person is performing at work or school.
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Step 6: Examine your sex life.
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Step 7: Avoid isolation
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Step 8: which contributes to loneliness.
Detailed Guide
Many people confuse depression with "feeling down," but it is more serious than simply feeling sad or upset.
Depression may express itself in a variety of ways, depending on the person experiencing it, and not everyone will have every symptom.
However, in general, you should watch for any of the following:
Frequent, consistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or emptiness (aka "depressed mood") Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness Loss of interest in activities and things the person used to enjoy Fatigue or exhaustion; generally feeling "slower" (aka "psychomotor retardation") Changes in sleep habits (either sleeping too much or sleeping too little, or insomnia) Changes in eating habits, appetite, or weight Restlessness or irritability; feeling "keyed up" (aka "psychomotor agitation") Unexplained physical symptoms (e.g., body aches that don't have a medical cause) Thoughts of death or suicide
There are multiple forms of clinical depression, and they vary in severity and duration.
To count as having a "major depressive episode," the person must have had at least 5 symptoms during a two-week period, and one of those symptoms must be either "depressed mood" or "loss of interest or pleasure."Minor depression:
Symptoms may be less severe, and may not last as long.
Dysthymia or dysthymic disorder:
Symptoms are less severe, but last for much longer (at least two years) Major depression:
Symptoms are severe and interfere with your daily ability to function and enjoy life.
Postpartum depression:
This may occur shortly after a woman gives birth.
It's natural to feel the "baby blues" for a few weeks, but if symptoms last longer than that, it is likely postpartum depression., Both hypersomnia, a desire to sleep too much, and insomnia, difficulty falling or staying asleep, can be symptoms of depression.These symptoms can have a significant impact on romantic relationships.
In the case of hypersomnia, a partner's desire to sleep excessively may feel like s/he is avoiding or rejecting you.
For partners who live together, insomnia may also feel like avoidance or rejection, as sleeping together is likely one way of expressing intimacy.
If your partner is experiencing either of these problems, don't take it personally.
Ask what you can do to help and otherwise maintain your own sleep habits.
If you are suffering from either of these conditions, be mindful of how it may be impacting your partner.
Reassure him or her your need for or inability to sleep is in not related to your feelings for him or her.
If your partner's sleep habits have changed but s/he doesn't know why, and you have observed other symptoms, try gently suggesting that it might be depression.
Tell him or her, "I know you've been under a lot of pressure lately, which can be overwhelming.
Do you think your sleep problems might be a sign of depression?"
If you notice you or your partner seem to respond negatively to most things and lacks motivation, inquire about underlying feelings.
Hopelessness can sap your motivation, and everything feels pointless when you can't imagine circumstances ever improving.This may lead to disinterest in most activities.
This may come off as disinterest in your partner.
Consider participating in activities with your partner, even if they seem futile.
You might at least appreciate the distraction from your feelings.
If you notice your partner has lost interest in doing things you usually enjoy, and especially if you notice a pattern, ask him or her why s/he does not want to participate.
If he or she gives a generic answer, or avoids the conversation, try saying "I'm really concerned about you.
You don't seem to want to do the things you used to like to do.
Please talk to me so I can understand what is going on.
I want to help you."
One way to recognize whether someone may be depressed is to examine his or her performance at work or school.
If you see signs of grades or work performance deteriorating, an increase in the stress the person feels about school or work, or it seems like the person is putting in less effort than usual, talk to him or her.More severe depression may make it feel impossible to perform at school or work.
If the person seems not to care about poor performance, misses school or work, or becomes argumentative when you ask about school or work, suggest looking for professional help. , Depression often kills a person's sex drive, as well as pleasure in many other activities that s/he used to enjoy.If your sex life with your partner has changed dramatically from how it usually is, it may be a sign of depression.
Some antidepressant medications may also contribute to a low libido, so it's important to encourage your partner to talk to the doctor about his or her sex drive., Lack of energy and motivation often leads to depressed people feeling more lonely and isolated.
With less energy and diminishing experiences of pleasure, depressed people tend to opt out of social activities.Friends and family begin to reach out less, anticipating being turned down.
This becomes a worsening cycle.If your partner is depressed, it is important to encourage her or him to tend to relationships with family and friends to prevent isolation.
If your partner seems to be avoiding others, try to start a dialogue about the reason s/he is avoiding socializing.
Tell him or her, "I've noticed you haven't gone out with your friends in awhile." S/he will probably respond that s/he just hasn't felt like going out.
Then tell her or him "I'm worried about you, and maintaining social relationships is important.
I'll clean up the house and then find something to do if you'd like to invite your friends here." Don't become angry or confrontational.
Try to avoid language that sounds blaming, such as "What's with you?" or "What is your problem?"
About the Author
Robert Williams
With a background in education and learning, Robert Williams brings 4 years of hands-on experience to every article. Robert believes in making complex topics accessible to everyone.
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