How to Deal With Finding out Somebody You Love Is Gay
Remain calm., Remember that it isn't about you - or anyone other than the person who just came out to you., Ask questions., Respect your loved one's choices., Even if you are homophobic, remember to respect your loved one.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Remain calm.
Even if the news of your loved one's homosexuality is a shock, try to take it calmly.
Coming out is a difficult process, and getting angry or upset will just make it worse.
This is probably one of the most difficult conversations of all of your lives, and so if you can hear what is being said and try to stay calm, it will go easier for all concerned.
Don't have an anxiety attack.
Even if the news is shocking, your calm and reassurance that you still care for this person will help move the relationship forward. -
Step 2: Remember that it isn't about you - or anyone other than the person who just came out to you.
Trying to deal with your feelings about what you've just learned often leads to wanting to find a reason for this.
Parents and friends will blame themselves, or will blame the love interest, if there is one.
You may wonder if you had done anything different, whether s/he would be straight.
Put your mind at ease: nothing you do changes sexual orientation
- it's not so much about preferring one gender as it is about personal identity.
It's not about a guy, a girl, or you.
It's about this person discovering who s/he is inside.
If you are blaming the person your loved one is involved with, that's a big mistake, too.
It's practically a guarantee that if this person hadn't come along, someone else would have.
Just a matter of time. , It's important that you show interest in discussing this, even if you don't have an issue with it.
You have found out about a major part of someone's life, which was previously a secret, so it's natural that you will be curious about it.
Don't be shy
- it's a welcome thing if you are able to talk openly about it.
Your questions are perfectly natural.
Ask how the process of making gay/lesbian friends is going. , There may not be much choice about sexual orientation, but it may not be set in stone.
Research is now showing that sexuality, particularly in women, is much more fluid than previously thought.
It may be that this person will "switch teams" later on, or will stay where s/he is now
- but whatever develops, respecting his/her partner and making them feel welcome in your family or home is going to be important to carrying on a close relationship.
It's important that you don't allow suspicion or dislike of the chosen love interest to drive a wedge between you. , Do not assume it will always "blow over".
Many people will know they are gay by the time they come out. -
Step 3: Ask questions.
-
Step 4: Respect your loved one's choices.
-
Step 5: Even if you are homophobic
-
Step 6: remember to respect your loved one.
Detailed Guide
Even if the news of your loved one's homosexuality is a shock, try to take it calmly.
Coming out is a difficult process, and getting angry or upset will just make it worse.
This is probably one of the most difficult conversations of all of your lives, and so if you can hear what is being said and try to stay calm, it will go easier for all concerned.
Don't have an anxiety attack.
Even if the news is shocking, your calm and reassurance that you still care for this person will help move the relationship forward.
Trying to deal with your feelings about what you've just learned often leads to wanting to find a reason for this.
Parents and friends will blame themselves, or will blame the love interest, if there is one.
You may wonder if you had done anything different, whether s/he would be straight.
Put your mind at ease: nothing you do changes sexual orientation
- it's not so much about preferring one gender as it is about personal identity.
It's not about a guy, a girl, or you.
It's about this person discovering who s/he is inside.
If you are blaming the person your loved one is involved with, that's a big mistake, too.
It's practically a guarantee that if this person hadn't come along, someone else would have.
Just a matter of time. , It's important that you show interest in discussing this, even if you don't have an issue with it.
You have found out about a major part of someone's life, which was previously a secret, so it's natural that you will be curious about it.
Don't be shy
- it's a welcome thing if you are able to talk openly about it.
Your questions are perfectly natural.
Ask how the process of making gay/lesbian friends is going. , There may not be much choice about sexual orientation, but it may not be set in stone.
Research is now showing that sexuality, particularly in women, is much more fluid than previously thought.
It may be that this person will "switch teams" later on, or will stay where s/he is now
- but whatever develops, respecting his/her partner and making them feel welcome in your family or home is going to be important to carrying on a close relationship.
It's important that you don't allow suspicion or dislike of the chosen love interest to drive a wedge between you. , Do not assume it will always "blow over".
Many people will know they are gay by the time they come out.
About the Author
Cynthia Allen
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow hobbies tutorials.
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