How to Deal With Unruly Guests at Your Wedding
Be clued in as to who gets invited from the start., If you're on the fence about whether your own family members will behave during the wedding, it's a little touchy to assume the worst and fairly inflammatory to make direct comments about your...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Be clued in as to who gets invited from the start.
Invite friends, family members and essential acquaintances whom you can be sure you can trust.
In some cases, you mightn't have a clue but try to use what you do know about the guests to help you make sound decisions.
If possible, make an initial list of everyone you want to invite.
Then, go back through the list and identify any potential problems that could crop up between guests.
Possible troublemakers include:
Friends and family with a terrible sense of a humor but a conviction that their humor is fantastic.
Never, ever give such people speech duties.
Keep them in a dark corner somewhere, well plied with groupies to soak up their jokes.
Troubled friends/family members.
What you define by "troubled" is up to you––it could include someone who has recently divorced, someone who is feeling depressed about being single, or someone who just hates a party, no matter the reason.
But whatever is causing their troubles, if a wedding is going to set them off in tears, maudlin recriminations, nostalgically tragic flashbacks to better times, etc., then you'll need to consider whether it's even kind to invite them.
If you do invite them, you might like to tee up a sporting friend or family member to give them a good pep talk beforehand, or to hold their hand during the occasion.
Tipsy to downright alcohol-guzzling family or friends.
If you know that a friend or family member tends to drink too much and becomes just a bit too crazy at social events, you're walking on thin ice.
Damned if you invite them, damned if you don't because over-enthusiastic social drinkers rarely see the problem and will likely be offended.
While you could consider the possibility of leaving them off the list, it might just be easier to give them a stern talk about staying away from more than the champagne toast and give them a buddy to watch over the sly extras.
Exes.
Not inviting your or your fiancé’s ex may be the brightest idea if you want to avoid controversy and/or trouble.
But if for some reason you feel you need to, then check out How to invite your ex to the wedding for the lowdown on fording off potential issues.
Acquaintances or work friends.
In some cases, inviting work colleagues or the boss is considered to be the right thing to do.
However, ponder or find out what the acquaintance or work friend’s party personality is like in a social context––if they have a track record of getting too wild, speaking out of turn or being a party pooper, you might want to find a polite excuse for not inviting them, such as that you're limiting the party to very close friends and family (that way, no one at work will have their feelings hurt). -
Step 2: If you're on the fence about whether your own family members will behave during the wedding
You do need to be tactful and yet, you don't want them throwing a tantrum mid-vows or getting soused and falling on the reception marquee and bringing it down on everyone's heads.
Think laterally and stay compassionate; the diplomatic approach might be to resort to sideways tactics, such as making things easier for this person, like personalized transportation, an early-home taxi, or a special seat at an "important persons" table to give them a sense of responsibility.
Or, you could try buttering up someone you trust implicitly whom you know can control the potentially difficult person or who at least can get them out of the way should anything untoward arise. (See below for forming a force of "wedding guardians".) , If you're anticipating the possibility that someone could become disruptive, discuss this notion while you are planning your wedding.
Wedding coordinators and event planners have plenty of experience handling the occasional unruly guest so if they're aware that this is a possibility, they can plan accordingly by adding extra staff or even incognito bodyguards if necessary.
It may be worth the additional cost to keep things running without a very personal hiccup. , One way to avoid letting people get too nutty is to cut back or reduce the amount of alcohol being served, at least at your expense.
While some folks will feel a little down about not having an “all you can drink” open bar, limiting guest’s alcohol intake will lend itself to keeping people in line and not letting their inhibitions or guard down.
Be aware that if you decide to have a no-alcohol wedding (whether this is due to religious beliefs, your budget, or suspected rampant alcoholism, is totally your business), you will hear some complaints.
However, stick to your decision––whose wedding is it, after all? The detractors won't die from a lack of alcohol in the short time that is your wedding and they can always drop into the pub or a bar on the way back home if they're so parched.
You could even be magnanimous and let them know where the local pubs and bars are located, should they wish to toast to your good health post-wedding. , This is one area over which you have complete control.
And it never does to sit exes with exes or friends who have had a falling out together.
Use your knowledge of your guests to make the best choices for seating people together (you can even do a bit of match-making) and keep apart any guests likely to start a heated argument between each other.
If you're not sure, ask other friends or family members for their knowledge about who gets along with whom and who doesn't. , In the movies, this is always a solid group of friends of either the bride or groom who picks up the sobbing or drunk number of the group and ferries him or her away unnoticed in a flurry of compassion for both the wedding party and the troublemaker.
However, don't leave things to chance.
While your friends may know to respond quickly, they may also not know what to do.
Talk to your trusted few about how you would appreciate them handling anything that gets out of hand to ensure that it is dealt with tactfully, carefully and swiftly, before it blows into something that everyone notices.
Think twice about asking family members to be on the look out for other less well-behaved family members.
If this would calm the offender, then by all means, do so.
But if you're concerned that family intervention could actually escalate the problem behavior, rely on more neutral friends or carers to help out instead.
One good thing to suggest to your wedding guardians is to identify exactly what the guest(s) is doing to be disruptive and be specific about what action you’d like taken given a range of possible situations.
In most cases, removing the guest may be the best solution, however if guests are simply being a little too loud or boisterous, simply asking them to “tone it down” may be sufficient. -
Step 3: it's a little touchy to assume the worst and fairly inflammatory to make direct comments about your worries about how they might behave at your wedding.
-
Step 4: Discuss the possibility of the unruly guest with your wedding planner or event coordinator.
-
Step 5: Consider a cash bar and/or a limited alcohol service.
-
Step 6: Be smart about seating arrangements.
-
Step 7: Allot a very trusted friend or group of friends to act as wedding and reception guardians.
Detailed Guide
Invite friends, family members and essential acquaintances whom you can be sure you can trust.
In some cases, you mightn't have a clue but try to use what you do know about the guests to help you make sound decisions.
If possible, make an initial list of everyone you want to invite.
Then, go back through the list and identify any potential problems that could crop up between guests.
Possible troublemakers include:
Friends and family with a terrible sense of a humor but a conviction that their humor is fantastic.
Never, ever give such people speech duties.
Keep them in a dark corner somewhere, well plied with groupies to soak up their jokes.
Troubled friends/family members.
What you define by "troubled" is up to you––it could include someone who has recently divorced, someone who is feeling depressed about being single, or someone who just hates a party, no matter the reason.
But whatever is causing their troubles, if a wedding is going to set them off in tears, maudlin recriminations, nostalgically tragic flashbacks to better times, etc., then you'll need to consider whether it's even kind to invite them.
If you do invite them, you might like to tee up a sporting friend or family member to give them a good pep talk beforehand, or to hold their hand during the occasion.
Tipsy to downright alcohol-guzzling family or friends.
If you know that a friend or family member tends to drink too much and becomes just a bit too crazy at social events, you're walking on thin ice.
Damned if you invite them, damned if you don't because over-enthusiastic social drinkers rarely see the problem and will likely be offended.
While you could consider the possibility of leaving them off the list, it might just be easier to give them a stern talk about staying away from more than the champagne toast and give them a buddy to watch over the sly extras.
Exes.
Not inviting your or your fiancé’s ex may be the brightest idea if you want to avoid controversy and/or trouble.
But if for some reason you feel you need to, then check out How to invite your ex to the wedding for the lowdown on fording off potential issues.
Acquaintances or work friends.
In some cases, inviting work colleagues or the boss is considered to be the right thing to do.
However, ponder or find out what the acquaintance or work friend’s party personality is like in a social context––if they have a track record of getting too wild, speaking out of turn or being a party pooper, you might want to find a polite excuse for not inviting them, such as that you're limiting the party to very close friends and family (that way, no one at work will have their feelings hurt).
You do need to be tactful and yet, you don't want them throwing a tantrum mid-vows or getting soused and falling on the reception marquee and bringing it down on everyone's heads.
Think laterally and stay compassionate; the diplomatic approach might be to resort to sideways tactics, such as making things easier for this person, like personalized transportation, an early-home taxi, or a special seat at an "important persons" table to give them a sense of responsibility.
Or, you could try buttering up someone you trust implicitly whom you know can control the potentially difficult person or who at least can get them out of the way should anything untoward arise. (See below for forming a force of "wedding guardians".) , If you're anticipating the possibility that someone could become disruptive, discuss this notion while you are planning your wedding.
Wedding coordinators and event planners have plenty of experience handling the occasional unruly guest so if they're aware that this is a possibility, they can plan accordingly by adding extra staff or even incognito bodyguards if necessary.
It may be worth the additional cost to keep things running without a very personal hiccup. , One way to avoid letting people get too nutty is to cut back or reduce the amount of alcohol being served, at least at your expense.
While some folks will feel a little down about not having an “all you can drink” open bar, limiting guest’s alcohol intake will lend itself to keeping people in line and not letting their inhibitions or guard down.
Be aware that if you decide to have a no-alcohol wedding (whether this is due to religious beliefs, your budget, or suspected rampant alcoholism, is totally your business), you will hear some complaints.
However, stick to your decision––whose wedding is it, after all? The detractors won't die from a lack of alcohol in the short time that is your wedding and they can always drop into the pub or a bar on the way back home if they're so parched.
You could even be magnanimous and let them know where the local pubs and bars are located, should they wish to toast to your good health post-wedding. , This is one area over which you have complete control.
And it never does to sit exes with exes or friends who have had a falling out together.
Use your knowledge of your guests to make the best choices for seating people together (you can even do a bit of match-making) and keep apart any guests likely to start a heated argument between each other.
If you're not sure, ask other friends or family members for their knowledge about who gets along with whom and who doesn't. , In the movies, this is always a solid group of friends of either the bride or groom who picks up the sobbing or drunk number of the group and ferries him or her away unnoticed in a flurry of compassion for both the wedding party and the troublemaker.
However, don't leave things to chance.
While your friends may know to respond quickly, they may also not know what to do.
Talk to your trusted few about how you would appreciate them handling anything that gets out of hand to ensure that it is dealt with tactfully, carefully and swiftly, before it blows into something that everyone notices.
Think twice about asking family members to be on the look out for other less well-behaved family members.
If this would calm the offender, then by all means, do so.
But if you're concerned that family intervention could actually escalate the problem behavior, rely on more neutral friends or carers to help out instead.
One good thing to suggest to your wedding guardians is to identify exactly what the guest(s) is doing to be disruptive and be specific about what action you’d like taken given a range of possible situations.
In most cases, removing the guest may be the best solution, however if guests are simply being a little too loud or boisterous, simply asking them to “tone it down” may be sufficient.
About the Author
Douglas Castillo
Brings years of experience writing about lifestyle and related subjects.
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