How to Give Relationship Advice to Your Child
Expect younger children to view love less seriously., Consider exposure when talking to pre-teens and teens., Recognize individual differences between your children., Find teachable moments., Model active listening skills.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Expect younger children to view love less seriously.
Reflect on your younger child’s knowledge and experience before deciding how to structure a relationship talk.
It’s unlikely children at this age have a clear understanding of relationships.
For instance, if your child is in kindergarten through elementary, they may refer to roles like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” without really understanding what they mean.
These roles aren’t rigid.
They slip in and out of these roles almost similar to pretend-play.
Still, while their understanding is immature, discussing relationships in a positive light can influence their future development. -
Step 2: Consider exposure when talking to pre-teens and teens.
How you approach the topic of relationships with your child varies greatly based on their current stage of development.
Peer group, maturity level, media exposure, and language use may all play into an older child’s notion of relationships.
You might prepare yourself for a talk by informally observing what TV shows, movies, and music they watch/listen to in order to understand where their relationship knowledge may have formed.
The kinds of media your child is exposed to can affect their development, so it is crucial to ensure that they are being exposed to age appropriate tv shows, movies, video games, and music.
Also, keep in mind that it is always important to pay attention to the kinds of media your children are exposed to, not just when you are preparing to talk to them about something.
For instance, if your older child still watches child-appropriate cartoons, they may only have cursory knowledge about relationship themes.
However, if your child enjoys teenage TV shows and films, they have probably been introduced to concepts like love and sex., Consider your children’s unique personalities and preferences as you plan a discussion.
Don’t assume one thing about a child simply because it is true for a sibling or peer.
Keep in mind how your child best interacts with you and the language they tend to use.
Meeting the child where they are helps them feel more comfortable in a potentially intimidating conversation.
For instance, if you lie across your shy daughter’s bed while she reads a book and casually chat, this may decrease the pressure.
This principle also ensures that you don’t give your child ideas about anything prematurely.
Let’s say, you ask a 6-year-old “Do you have a girlfriend?” and they ask “What is that?” It’s only a matter of time before they are using the term incorrectly or opening other unsuspecting children up to new terms. , Another helpful rule-of-thumb is to give advice that is relevant and situational.
All parents plan, at some point, to have “the talk” with their growing children.
However, that talk doesn’t have to happen until your child is ready.
Make use of the information they share with you to test their readiness which makes starting the conversation easier for both of you.
For example, if your son tells you about his best friend getting a girlfriend, you might ask “And what do you think about him having a girlfriend?” to gain more insight., A central feature of a healthy relationship is good communication.
However, many people often focus on the spoken part of communication.
Listening is just as important.
Show your child how to be a good listener, and it will positively benefit their relationships for years to come.
Give your full attention when others are speaking, removing distractions whenever possible.
Make occasional eye contact.
Let the person finish talking before attempting to respond.
Before responding, ensure that you received the correct message by asking some clarifying questions like "Are you saying that you need some time to think about this?" or "It sounds like what you're saying is you would like some advice." -
Step 3: Recognize individual differences between your children.
-
Step 4: Find teachable moments.
-
Step 5: Model active listening skills.
Detailed Guide
Reflect on your younger child’s knowledge and experience before deciding how to structure a relationship talk.
It’s unlikely children at this age have a clear understanding of relationships.
For instance, if your child is in kindergarten through elementary, they may refer to roles like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” without really understanding what they mean.
These roles aren’t rigid.
They slip in and out of these roles almost similar to pretend-play.
Still, while their understanding is immature, discussing relationships in a positive light can influence their future development.
How you approach the topic of relationships with your child varies greatly based on their current stage of development.
Peer group, maturity level, media exposure, and language use may all play into an older child’s notion of relationships.
You might prepare yourself for a talk by informally observing what TV shows, movies, and music they watch/listen to in order to understand where their relationship knowledge may have formed.
The kinds of media your child is exposed to can affect their development, so it is crucial to ensure that they are being exposed to age appropriate tv shows, movies, video games, and music.
Also, keep in mind that it is always important to pay attention to the kinds of media your children are exposed to, not just when you are preparing to talk to them about something.
For instance, if your older child still watches child-appropriate cartoons, they may only have cursory knowledge about relationship themes.
However, if your child enjoys teenage TV shows and films, they have probably been introduced to concepts like love and sex., Consider your children’s unique personalities and preferences as you plan a discussion.
Don’t assume one thing about a child simply because it is true for a sibling or peer.
Keep in mind how your child best interacts with you and the language they tend to use.
Meeting the child where they are helps them feel more comfortable in a potentially intimidating conversation.
For instance, if you lie across your shy daughter’s bed while she reads a book and casually chat, this may decrease the pressure.
This principle also ensures that you don’t give your child ideas about anything prematurely.
Let’s say, you ask a 6-year-old “Do you have a girlfriend?” and they ask “What is that?” It’s only a matter of time before they are using the term incorrectly or opening other unsuspecting children up to new terms. , Another helpful rule-of-thumb is to give advice that is relevant and situational.
All parents plan, at some point, to have “the talk” with their growing children.
However, that talk doesn’t have to happen until your child is ready.
Make use of the information they share with you to test their readiness which makes starting the conversation easier for both of you.
For example, if your son tells you about his best friend getting a girlfriend, you might ask “And what do you think about him having a girlfriend?” to gain more insight., A central feature of a healthy relationship is good communication.
However, many people often focus on the spoken part of communication.
Listening is just as important.
Show your child how to be a good listener, and it will positively benefit their relationships for years to come.
Give your full attention when others are speaking, removing distractions whenever possible.
Make occasional eye contact.
Let the person finish talking before attempting to respond.
Before responding, ensure that you received the correct message by asking some clarifying questions like "Are you saying that you need some time to think about this?" or "It sounds like what you're saying is you would like some advice."
About the Author
Joan Fisher
Creates helpful guides on cooking to inspire and educate readers.
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