How to Have Unity with Your Christian Spouse
Remember that your enemy is Satan, not your spouse., Resolve conflicts peaceably., Pray Together., Don't debate Biblical issues., Lower your expectations of your spouse., Lead by example., Have date nights., Take a vacation once a year., Control...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Remember that your enemy is Satan
Know that any fights are generally caused by Satan trying to dis-unify you.
Satan knows, that if the two of your are united, almost nothing can stop you.
There will be almost nothing then that you two can't do for God's kingdom.
The Bible says, "If two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them" (Matthew 18:19) So Satan tries to get spouses to disagree, in order to take our power in Christian unity away.
Also, always remember the verse, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12).
In other words, the fight is not against people, but against those in power:
Kings, unjust rulers, and Satan.
Keep in mind that most of the time, if your spouse hurts your feelings, he or she did not mean to do that. -
Step 2: not your spouse.
If you do find yourself getting mad at your spouse and you are in the same room, go to another room until you cool down.
If you are in a car, pull over, and take a walk, etc.
Sometimes you need to make yourself take a time out until you can think clearly and rationally. , Nothing will help your marriage more than praying together.
However, do not use it as a time to indirectly tell your spouse things that need to change.
Pray humbly, in a united way. , Calm discussion of your faith is good, argument is not.
If you find that you cannot discuss these issues peacefully, leave the debates for your friends.
It will dis-unify you and your spouse and cause issues. , Often times people go into marriage with way too high of expectations.
Women might expect to swept off their feet like in Disney movies, and men might expect or hope their wives to look like Barbies all the time.
Realize that reality is different than our dreams.
Don't put burdens on your spouse to do certain things or look a certain way.
Learn to be content the way it is, and don't try to force a change or apply pressure. , Ultimately the only person you can change is yourself.
If you want your spouse to change on something, lead by example, and do it yourself, rather than picking on him or her for not doing a certain thing.
However, one can't know what you want to change unless you tell it.
Tell your wish once per year, but don't make a big production out of it.
More than that becomes nagging; less than that and you will grow upset about not changing something your spouse doesn't know about any need to change. , Get dressed up just like before you were married on these nights.
It helps to keep the romance alive.
Take at least one night every other week to go out, just the two of you, no kids, so you can talk and catch up.
Talk about your dreams for the future and anything else you may want to discuss.
Once a week would be ideal, but sometimes that just isn't possible.
Kids get sick, work schedules get in the way, etc. , You both deserves to have a nice, long break at least once a year.
Cruises are a great, cheap way to vacation and travel.
Most families don't vacation because of thinking it will be too expensive, but you can find inexpensive cruises easily. , Money is necessary for vacations, putting the kids through college, and more things that will inevitably come up.
Cut back on buying excessive amounts clothes, televisions (and other expensive technology items), etc. so that you can have money for more important things. , There is nothing wrong with having opposite-gender friends, but if you're secretive about what you two do and talk about, and spend a lot of time alone, suspicion and jealousy may breed. , Everyone loves their own parents, and no one wants anyone else talking in a derogatory way about their parents.
If you want to have unity with your spouse, show respect for the people who raised your spouse always. , People can resent, if their spouses put on a lot of weight, or worry about their health.
Exercising together is a good way to stay close: you can help support each other in this way, and it will transfer to other aspects of your life.
Try going for runs or walks, swimming, playing basketball or another sport, going to the gym and working out side-by-side, doing anything else you might like, or even just taking the stairs.
You don't have to look perfect, but it's great to look nice. , If your spouse finds out, s/he might divorce you over it since that can be seen as being unfaithful.
According to the Bible, the only reason for divorce is marital unfaithfulness.
Looking at porn online is being unfaithful to your spouse.
If you want your marriage to last, don't do it.
It can make your spouse feel inadequate and upset. , Don't always be serious.
The best way to build unity and friendship is to have good times together.
Watch funny movies.
Laugh together at the silly things your children do.
Get a pet that can make you both laugh, etc.
Always remember to have fun with your spouse. -
Step 3: Resolve conflicts peaceably.
-
Step 4: Pray Together.
-
Step 5: Don't debate Biblical issues.
-
Step 6: Lower your expectations of your spouse.
-
Step 7: Lead by example.
-
Step 8: Have date nights.
-
Step 9: Take a vacation once a year.
-
Step 10: Control your spending and save.
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Step 11: Make close opposite-gender friendships open.
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Step 12: Be nice regarding each others' parents.
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Step 13: Stay in shape for each other and with each other.
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Step 14: Don't look at sexual websites or magazines.
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Step 15: Laugh with each other.
Detailed Guide
Know that any fights are generally caused by Satan trying to dis-unify you.
Satan knows, that if the two of your are united, almost nothing can stop you.
There will be almost nothing then that you two can't do for God's kingdom.
The Bible says, "If two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them" (Matthew 18:19) So Satan tries to get spouses to disagree, in order to take our power in Christian unity away.
Also, always remember the verse, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12).
In other words, the fight is not against people, but against those in power:
Kings, unjust rulers, and Satan.
Keep in mind that most of the time, if your spouse hurts your feelings, he or she did not mean to do that.
If you do find yourself getting mad at your spouse and you are in the same room, go to another room until you cool down.
If you are in a car, pull over, and take a walk, etc.
Sometimes you need to make yourself take a time out until you can think clearly and rationally. , Nothing will help your marriage more than praying together.
However, do not use it as a time to indirectly tell your spouse things that need to change.
Pray humbly, in a united way. , Calm discussion of your faith is good, argument is not.
If you find that you cannot discuss these issues peacefully, leave the debates for your friends.
It will dis-unify you and your spouse and cause issues. , Often times people go into marriage with way too high of expectations.
Women might expect to swept off their feet like in Disney movies, and men might expect or hope their wives to look like Barbies all the time.
Realize that reality is different than our dreams.
Don't put burdens on your spouse to do certain things or look a certain way.
Learn to be content the way it is, and don't try to force a change or apply pressure. , Ultimately the only person you can change is yourself.
If you want your spouse to change on something, lead by example, and do it yourself, rather than picking on him or her for not doing a certain thing.
However, one can't know what you want to change unless you tell it.
Tell your wish once per year, but don't make a big production out of it.
More than that becomes nagging; less than that and you will grow upset about not changing something your spouse doesn't know about any need to change. , Get dressed up just like before you were married on these nights.
It helps to keep the romance alive.
Take at least one night every other week to go out, just the two of you, no kids, so you can talk and catch up.
Talk about your dreams for the future and anything else you may want to discuss.
Once a week would be ideal, but sometimes that just isn't possible.
Kids get sick, work schedules get in the way, etc. , You both deserves to have a nice, long break at least once a year.
Cruises are a great, cheap way to vacation and travel.
Most families don't vacation because of thinking it will be too expensive, but you can find inexpensive cruises easily. , Money is necessary for vacations, putting the kids through college, and more things that will inevitably come up.
Cut back on buying excessive amounts clothes, televisions (and other expensive technology items), etc. so that you can have money for more important things. , There is nothing wrong with having opposite-gender friends, but if you're secretive about what you two do and talk about, and spend a lot of time alone, suspicion and jealousy may breed. , Everyone loves their own parents, and no one wants anyone else talking in a derogatory way about their parents.
If you want to have unity with your spouse, show respect for the people who raised your spouse always. , People can resent, if their spouses put on a lot of weight, or worry about their health.
Exercising together is a good way to stay close: you can help support each other in this way, and it will transfer to other aspects of your life.
Try going for runs or walks, swimming, playing basketball or another sport, going to the gym and working out side-by-side, doing anything else you might like, or even just taking the stairs.
You don't have to look perfect, but it's great to look nice. , If your spouse finds out, s/he might divorce you over it since that can be seen as being unfaithful.
According to the Bible, the only reason for divorce is marital unfaithfulness.
Looking at porn online is being unfaithful to your spouse.
If you want your marriage to last, don't do it.
It can make your spouse feel inadequate and upset. , Don't always be serious.
The best way to build unity and friendship is to have good times together.
Watch funny movies.
Laugh together at the silly things your children do.
Get a pet that can make you both laugh, etc.
Always remember to have fun with your spouse.
About the Author
Donald Jackson
Experienced content creator specializing in creative arts guides and tutorials.
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