How to Help Children Through Divorce
Communicate respectfully with your spouse., Say only nice things or nothing about your spouse., Protect your kids from hearing about legal proceedings., Discuss feelings of anger with friends and other caring adults., Maintain the same routine for...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Communicate respectfully with your spouse.
Emotions run high during a divorce and you may dislike having to talk to your former spouse at all.
However, you will have to interact with your former spouse sometimes and it is important to communicate respectfully with him or her for the sake of your children.Be direct and assertive with your former spouse, but do not berate, belittle, or accuse him/her of things in front of your children.
Just discuss what you need to discuss in an objective way.
For example, if your spouse turns up early to pick up your children, you might be quite upset about this.
Instead of reacting with anger, try saying something like, “Thanks for coming to pick up the kids.
You’re a bit early though, so it will just be a few more minutes.
Do you want to wait in the car while I finish getting their things together?” -
Step 2: Say only nice things or nothing about your spouse.
You may be tempted to vent your feelings about your spouse to your kids, but this can be quite upsetting for children.
A good rule of thumb to follow is to keep quiet if you can’t say anything nice.For example, if you are angry with your spouse because he/she was late dropping off your kids, then you might feel like expressing that in front of your kids.
However, it is better to keep quiet about your feelings and find another way to express them.
Write about your feelings in a journal or go for a walk with your kids to feel better.
Some other things to avoid include:
Trying to make your kids choose a side.
Don’t try to make your kids admit to preferring time with you over the other parent or encourage them to say bad things about the other parent.
Trying to get your kids to reveal information about your spouse.
Don’t pry into your ex’s personal life by probing your kids for information.
Using your children to hurt their mom/dad.
Don’t encourage your kids to say or do things that might hurt the other parent.
Discussing problems with child support in front of your kids.
Don’t bring up late child support payments around your kids. , Talking about legal proceedings in front of your kids may seem like it is not a big deal, but it can be quite upsetting to kids as well.The legal proceedings make the divorce final and this can be an emotional thing for your kids to consider.
Do not bring your kids to meetings with your lawyer or talk about meetings with your lawyer in front of your kids.
If you get a phone call from your lawyer, try having your kids go outside to play or go into another room before you talk. , You will need to vent you feelings and get support from time to time as you go through your divorce.
However, avoid discussing your feelings with or in front of your kids.
Instead, talk with trusted friends or family members.Try meeting up with a friend for coffee once per week while your kids are with the other parent or in school.
You might also consider seeing a counselor to help you work through your feelings.
This is a great way to develop some healthy coping mechanisms and take care of yourself so that you can be at your best for your kids. , Consistency is crucial for the health and well-being of your kids, so try not to alter their routines too much as a result of the divorce.Having a change in their home environment and your relationship with their other parent will be enough of a change, so do your best to keep your kids’ lives the same as they were before the divorce.
If possible, keep your kids in the same school so they do not have to worry about making new friends.
This will also allow them to maintain enjoyable activities, such as participating in a sport or other extracurricular activity.
Don’t suspend the rules as a way to make things easier on your kids either.This may actually be worse for your kids because kids need consistency.
Relaxing or ignoring one or more of your rules may cause your children to feel insecure. , Don’t try to block your kids’ access to the other parent.
It is important for your kids to be able to maintain a relationship with both of you.
Be supportive of your kids desire to see the other parent.Encourage your kids to call the other parent to tell them about school or to talk about a problem.
Be helpful when setting up dates for your kids to spend time with the other parent.
Don’t do anything to make your kids think you dislike them spending time with the other parent. , Making sure that your kids are comfortable in your home and in your spouse’s home is important.
To ensure that your kids will be comfortable no matter where they are staying, make sure that you and you ex are providing your kids with:
Supplies that they need for school.
Toys and games to enjoy.
Clean clothing.
Basic necessities, such as a toothbrush, shampoo, hair brush, etc.
Pictures of their family members, including the other parent.
Some of their favorite foods. -
Step 3: Protect your kids from hearing about legal proceedings.
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Step 4: Discuss feelings of anger with friends and other caring adults.
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Step 5: Maintain the same routine for your kids.
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Step 6: Allow the other parent to stay in yours kids’ lives.
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Step 7: Ensure that the children have two nurturing homes.
Detailed Guide
Emotions run high during a divorce and you may dislike having to talk to your former spouse at all.
However, you will have to interact with your former spouse sometimes and it is important to communicate respectfully with him or her for the sake of your children.Be direct and assertive with your former spouse, but do not berate, belittle, or accuse him/her of things in front of your children.
Just discuss what you need to discuss in an objective way.
For example, if your spouse turns up early to pick up your children, you might be quite upset about this.
Instead of reacting with anger, try saying something like, “Thanks for coming to pick up the kids.
You’re a bit early though, so it will just be a few more minutes.
Do you want to wait in the car while I finish getting their things together?”
You may be tempted to vent your feelings about your spouse to your kids, but this can be quite upsetting for children.
A good rule of thumb to follow is to keep quiet if you can’t say anything nice.For example, if you are angry with your spouse because he/she was late dropping off your kids, then you might feel like expressing that in front of your kids.
However, it is better to keep quiet about your feelings and find another way to express them.
Write about your feelings in a journal or go for a walk with your kids to feel better.
Some other things to avoid include:
Trying to make your kids choose a side.
Don’t try to make your kids admit to preferring time with you over the other parent or encourage them to say bad things about the other parent.
Trying to get your kids to reveal information about your spouse.
Don’t pry into your ex’s personal life by probing your kids for information.
Using your children to hurt their mom/dad.
Don’t encourage your kids to say or do things that might hurt the other parent.
Discussing problems with child support in front of your kids.
Don’t bring up late child support payments around your kids. , Talking about legal proceedings in front of your kids may seem like it is not a big deal, but it can be quite upsetting to kids as well.The legal proceedings make the divorce final and this can be an emotional thing for your kids to consider.
Do not bring your kids to meetings with your lawyer or talk about meetings with your lawyer in front of your kids.
If you get a phone call from your lawyer, try having your kids go outside to play or go into another room before you talk. , You will need to vent you feelings and get support from time to time as you go through your divorce.
However, avoid discussing your feelings with or in front of your kids.
Instead, talk with trusted friends or family members.Try meeting up with a friend for coffee once per week while your kids are with the other parent or in school.
You might also consider seeing a counselor to help you work through your feelings.
This is a great way to develop some healthy coping mechanisms and take care of yourself so that you can be at your best for your kids. , Consistency is crucial for the health and well-being of your kids, so try not to alter their routines too much as a result of the divorce.Having a change in their home environment and your relationship with their other parent will be enough of a change, so do your best to keep your kids’ lives the same as they were before the divorce.
If possible, keep your kids in the same school so they do not have to worry about making new friends.
This will also allow them to maintain enjoyable activities, such as participating in a sport or other extracurricular activity.
Don’t suspend the rules as a way to make things easier on your kids either.This may actually be worse for your kids because kids need consistency.
Relaxing or ignoring one or more of your rules may cause your children to feel insecure. , Don’t try to block your kids’ access to the other parent.
It is important for your kids to be able to maintain a relationship with both of you.
Be supportive of your kids desire to see the other parent.Encourage your kids to call the other parent to tell them about school or to talk about a problem.
Be helpful when setting up dates for your kids to spend time with the other parent.
Don’t do anything to make your kids think you dislike them spending time with the other parent. , Making sure that your kids are comfortable in your home and in your spouse’s home is important.
To ensure that your kids will be comfortable no matter where they are staying, make sure that you and you ex are providing your kids with:
Supplies that they need for school.
Toys and games to enjoy.
Clean clothing.
Basic necessities, such as a toothbrush, shampoo, hair brush, etc.
Pictures of their family members, including the other parent.
Some of their favorite foods.
About the Author
Emma Gibson
Creates helpful guides on lifestyle to inspire and educate readers.
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