How to Improve Your Children's Sibling Relationships
Treat your kids fairly and be consistent., Listen to both sides of any argument., Recognize each child’s unique qualities., Don’t compare your children.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Treat your kids fairly and be consistent.
If you’re lavishing praise and gifts on one child but not the other, the neglected child will feel sad and/or angry.
Similar feelings might occur if you’re constantly punishing one child but not the other for the same offense.
The anger might be directed at the sibling, at you, or at both of you.
From the child’s perspective, you and the favored sibling are in cahoots against them.Being fair doesn’t mean you need to do the exact same thing for one that you do for the other – though with very young children this is often a good idea.
However, it is important to be consistent with your rules and punishments, even if the rules are slightly different for each of your children.
For example, if your children have different bedtimes, then makes sure that you are consistent with enforcing each of their bedtimes.
Divide your time with both kids.
Whether it’s helping with homework, going to their events or sports games, or just spending leisure time together, ensure both your children receive an adequate and roughly equal amount of time with you. -
Step 2: Listen to both sides of any argument.
When your kids fight, they often want to be listened to and acknowledged as much as they want a swift and just resolution to their conflict.
Begin by separating your children into separate rooms.
Tell them both that you want to hear what happened, but will only listen to one of them at a time.Ask one child to leave the room, then talk to the other.
Listen carefully as your child explains their side of the situation.
Make eye contact with your child and nod your head to show that you’re engaged in what they are sharing.
Ask follow-up questions if you are confused or need clarification.
Once they’ve told their side, dismiss them to another room.
Bring their sibling in and have them share their side of the story.
Try to act as a mediator and help your children develop solutions to their disagreements.
For example, you could sit down with them and allow each one a chance to talk and share their feelings.
Then, ask questions to help them come to a solution, such as, “What is the main thing that you are upset about?” “What do you think would make you feel better?” “How do you think you could prevent this from happening in the future?” , It is important to see each of your children as a unique individual.
Take time to tell each, privately, “You’re very special to me.
I love you and there is nobody else like you!” As kids get older and come into their own as individuals, you should acknowledge their differences in your displays of affection.
For instance, it’s probably not necessary to buy both kids toy trucks if only one of them likes toy trucks.
Instead, think of their specific likes and dislikes.
If the other child likes planes, buy one a plane and the other a truck.
Be specific when praising your children.
Instead of saying, for instance, “You are a great kid,” say, “I think it’s great that you’re so creative and love writing music on the piano.
I’m sure your talent will take you far.” If one child has a physical disability or emotional issue, show extra sensitivity about it.
Help the other child understand that their sibling needs a different level of care than they do, but not because the child with the issue is better or loved more.
Talk openly with your child about their sibling’s condition, and encourage your children to talk about the condition together. , If you tell one child that they are not as intelligent or as clever as the other, their feelings will be hurt.
This kind of treatment could lead to long-term resentment and emotional frustration.
It might also cause them to harbor anger towards the sibling who you said was better.
Think carefully before ever criticizing your child.Instead of making comparisons between your children, make suggestions.
For instance, instead of saying, “Your brother always cleans up.
Why don’t you clean up as nicely as she does?” say, “Please clean up your room.” -
Step 3: Recognize each child’s unique qualities.
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Step 4: Don’t compare your children.
Detailed Guide
If you’re lavishing praise and gifts on one child but not the other, the neglected child will feel sad and/or angry.
Similar feelings might occur if you’re constantly punishing one child but not the other for the same offense.
The anger might be directed at the sibling, at you, or at both of you.
From the child’s perspective, you and the favored sibling are in cahoots against them.Being fair doesn’t mean you need to do the exact same thing for one that you do for the other – though with very young children this is often a good idea.
However, it is important to be consistent with your rules and punishments, even if the rules are slightly different for each of your children.
For example, if your children have different bedtimes, then makes sure that you are consistent with enforcing each of their bedtimes.
Divide your time with both kids.
Whether it’s helping with homework, going to their events or sports games, or just spending leisure time together, ensure both your children receive an adequate and roughly equal amount of time with you.
When your kids fight, they often want to be listened to and acknowledged as much as they want a swift and just resolution to their conflict.
Begin by separating your children into separate rooms.
Tell them both that you want to hear what happened, but will only listen to one of them at a time.Ask one child to leave the room, then talk to the other.
Listen carefully as your child explains their side of the situation.
Make eye contact with your child and nod your head to show that you’re engaged in what they are sharing.
Ask follow-up questions if you are confused or need clarification.
Once they’ve told their side, dismiss them to another room.
Bring their sibling in and have them share their side of the story.
Try to act as a mediator and help your children develop solutions to their disagreements.
For example, you could sit down with them and allow each one a chance to talk and share their feelings.
Then, ask questions to help them come to a solution, such as, “What is the main thing that you are upset about?” “What do you think would make you feel better?” “How do you think you could prevent this from happening in the future?” , It is important to see each of your children as a unique individual.
Take time to tell each, privately, “You’re very special to me.
I love you and there is nobody else like you!” As kids get older and come into their own as individuals, you should acknowledge their differences in your displays of affection.
For instance, it’s probably not necessary to buy both kids toy trucks if only one of them likes toy trucks.
Instead, think of their specific likes and dislikes.
If the other child likes planes, buy one a plane and the other a truck.
Be specific when praising your children.
Instead of saying, for instance, “You are a great kid,” say, “I think it’s great that you’re so creative and love writing music on the piano.
I’m sure your talent will take you far.” If one child has a physical disability or emotional issue, show extra sensitivity about it.
Help the other child understand that their sibling needs a different level of care than they do, but not because the child with the issue is better or loved more.
Talk openly with your child about their sibling’s condition, and encourage your children to talk about the condition together. , If you tell one child that they are not as intelligent or as clever as the other, their feelings will be hurt.
This kind of treatment could lead to long-term resentment and emotional frustration.
It might also cause them to harbor anger towards the sibling who you said was better.
Think carefully before ever criticizing your child.Instead of making comparisons between your children, make suggestions.
For instance, instead of saying, “Your brother always cleans up.
Why don’t you clean up as nicely as she does?” say, “Please clean up your room.”
About the Author
Melissa Peterson
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow practical skills tutorials.
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