How to Improve Your Relationship with an Ailing Parent
Reconcile and forgive your parent., Give your parent the opportunity to grieve., Ask their opinion on matters rather than choosing for them., Allow them to do as much for themselves as possible., Present ways your parent can give to or help others.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Reconcile and forgive your parent.
If you have been estranged from your parent for a while, then you may need to reconcile with them first.
This will involve getting in touch with your parent and taking small steps to rebuild your communication.
You may start by just calling your parent to talk for a few minutes.
Then, you might follow up by calling a few days later or by arranging to meet the parent for lunch or coffee.
Go slowly to rebuild communication and trust between you and your parent. -
Step 2: Give your parent the opportunity to grieve.
Coping with a terminal illness or physical decline can be a dramatic change from one’s previous life.
As a child, you may want to immediately jump into action, deciding left and right what’s most appropriate for your parent’s care.
Take time first to address the emotional upheaval that your parent (and, potentially, their spouse) is experiencing.Offer to listen to your parent’s concerns.
Acknowledge the loss by saying “Dad, I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.” Don’t try to fix the situation.
Simply be there. , Don’t assume you know what’s best, or make choices for your parent.
If Mom or Dad is capable of considering medical options, then allow them to do so.
It’s their health and well-being on the line.
And, while you may feel you have the answers, it’s technically up to your parent what they decide in terms of treatment or end-of-life choices.Be present with your parent during discussions with their health care providers.
That way, you can clarify an understanding on both sides to make sure your parent understands the process and that the doctor understands your parent’s desires.
You may also want to offer to help your parent find a counselor, a support group, or to ask their religious leader to visit.
Try to describe medical diagnoses and treatments on the level of your parent’s cognitive abilities.
Say, “Mom, the doctors are saying that the only option for treating your cancer is chemotherapy.
This involves taking radiation that tries to kill the cancer cells in your body.
Do you want to learn more about this?” , Don’t close off your parent’s choice to maintain some autonomy and dignity in their life.Even with a chronic or terminal illness, there will be some activities that your parent can do on their own.
Give them the freedom to do what they physically can.
This sends the message that you consider your parent to be capable and helps them maintain their identity.
For instance, if your mom was always fond of knitting, make sure she has her kit at the retirement home or in the hospital.
That way, she can participate in her favorite hobby as much as she’d like to and is physically capable.
Other ways to inspire continued autonomy might be allowing your parent to do tasks on their own, but with supervision.
Dressing, cooking, and cleaning—all of these chores may be done with slight modifications.
You can stay in the room to assist as needed. , Constantly requiring help from others can be a major hurdle for sick and aging parents.
It’s difficult and upsetting to acknowledge that Mom or Dad can’t do all they once did.
And, they may experience denial about this reality.
To help your parent feel worthy—and strengthen your connection to them—give them a chance to help out whenever possible.
This enables your parent to sustain a sense of well-being and usefulness.
So, ask your parent to watch one of the grandchildren for an hour.
Suggest that they volunteer at a local community center a few days per week.
Or, if your parent is financially well-off, encourage them to select a charity to which they can contribute. -
Step 3: Ask their opinion on matters rather than choosing for them.
-
Step 4: Allow them to do as much for themselves as possible.
-
Step 5: Present ways your parent can give to or help others.
Detailed Guide
If you have been estranged from your parent for a while, then you may need to reconcile with them first.
This will involve getting in touch with your parent and taking small steps to rebuild your communication.
You may start by just calling your parent to talk for a few minutes.
Then, you might follow up by calling a few days later or by arranging to meet the parent for lunch or coffee.
Go slowly to rebuild communication and trust between you and your parent.
Coping with a terminal illness or physical decline can be a dramatic change from one’s previous life.
As a child, you may want to immediately jump into action, deciding left and right what’s most appropriate for your parent’s care.
Take time first to address the emotional upheaval that your parent (and, potentially, their spouse) is experiencing.Offer to listen to your parent’s concerns.
Acknowledge the loss by saying “Dad, I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.” Don’t try to fix the situation.
Simply be there. , Don’t assume you know what’s best, or make choices for your parent.
If Mom or Dad is capable of considering medical options, then allow them to do so.
It’s their health and well-being on the line.
And, while you may feel you have the answers, it’s technically up to your parent what they decide in terms of treatment or end-of-life choices.Be present with your parent during discussions with their health care providers.
That way, you can clarify an understanding on both sides to make sure your parent understands the process and that the doctor understands your parent’s desires.
You may also want to offer to help your parent find a counselor, a support group, or to ask their religious leader to visit.
Try to describe medical diagnoses and treatments on the level of your parent’s cognitive abilities.
Say, “Mom, the doctors are saying that the only option for treating your cancer is chemotherapy.
This involves taking radiation that tries to kill the cancer cells in your body.
Do you want to learn more about this?” , Don’t close off your parent’s choice to maintain some autonomy and dignity in their life.Even with a chronic or terminal illness, there will be some activities that your parent can do on their own.
Give them the freedom to do what they physically can.
This sends the message that you consider your parent to be capable and helps them maintain their identity.
For instance, if your mom was always fond of knitting, make sure she has her kit at the retirement home or in the hospital.
That way, she can participate in her favorite hobby as much as she’d like to and is physically capable.
Other ways to inspire continued autonomy might be allowing your parent to do tasks on their own, but with supervision.
Dressing, cooking, and cleaning—all of these chores may be done with slight modifications.
You can stay in the room to assist as needed. , Constantly requiring help from others can be a major hurdle for sick and aging parents.
It’s difficult and upsetting to acknowledge that Mom or Dad can’t do all they once did.
And, they may experience denial about this reality.
To help your parent feel worthy—and strengthen your connection to them—give them a chance to help out whenever possible.
This enables your parent to sustain a sense of well-being and usefulness.
So, ask your parent to watch one of the grandchildren for an hour.
Suggest that they volunteer at a local community center a few days per week.
Or, if your parent is financially well-off, encourage them to select a charity to which they can contribute.
About the Author
Larry Wells
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow cooking tutorials.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: