How to Manage Others' Expectations of Your Wedding
Ask “why.” It’s helpful to know why those close to you have these big expectations about your wedding., Put yourself in their shoes., Seek a resolution., Clear the air about size or scope early on.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask “why.” It’s helpful to know why those close to you have these big expectations about your wedding.
Instead of speculating or silently brooding about their reasons, simply ask them why.
Getting to the bottom of their expectations can provide you with an opportunity to explain yourself, bringing you all to a resolution sooner.
For example, if your mother is irritated because you’re not having any bridesmaids in your wedding, you could say, “I feel as though you are upset about me choosing not to have bridesmaids.
Why are you having such a strong reaction about it?” Once you get an answer, you can choose to explain your choice in a respectful manner.
After that, the situation will likely resolve and you can get back to enjoying planning your wedding.If she keeps bringing it up, just gently remind her that you already discussed the issue in full and that it is not helpful to keep bringing it up. -
Step 2: Put yourself in their shoes.
Are you the bride, but someone else is acting like a bridezilla? Instead of writing them off or lashing out, take a minute to see their perspective.
Perhaps they are upset about something else going on in their lives and are, unfortunately, taking it out on you.
Having a conversation about it can help to save your relationship, and wedding planning.
Be sure to use a tone of concern and love, and avoid making judgmental or accusatory comments.
Suggest some steps they can take to take care of themselves and avoid taking their problems out on you.
You could say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been very upset and vocal about some of my wedding planning decisions.
Can we talk about what is bothering you?” Extending this olive branch may be just what this person needs to get over their issues and ultimately allow you to enjoy your relationship with them again., Instead of just dwelling on the problem, question how they would resolve the issue they bring up.
If your sister refuses to sit at the same table as your brother, ask her what she would like you to do.
Perhaps she has a suggestion that you haven’t thought of.
If she doesn’t, tell her that she and your brother need to work it out on their own.
For instance, say “I realize you would rather not sit next to our brother, but I can’t figure out a seating arrangement that works.
I was hoping that you could come up with one that will make everyone satisfied, or that you and our brother can talk and work out your issues on your own.” Saying this shows her that you are aware of her discomfort and that you have attempted to resolve the problem.
It also relieves you of the issue and puts it in her hands.If they refuse to work together to find a resolution, then you can also say, "I will be very sad not to have you there, but I understand if that is your choice." This keeps the responsibility on them and off of you.
Remember that you are a planning a wedding, not acting as a family counselor. , If some of your family members or guests have shared the expectation that you will be having a lavish affair in which no expenses are spared, you may need to alert them about your plans for a simple, low-key event.
You can even enlist a few close friends and family members to help spread the word about the type of event you are striving for.
This may help to prevent some stress for you.
Pull aside loved ones either separately or as a group and explain your decision.
Say something to the effect of, "I've heard rumors that Jennifer and I are having a top-of-the-line wedding that would make most celebrities jealous! That's not true.
In fact, what we want is a quiet, simple evening with our closest friends and family.
We'll let you know about attire, but there's no need to order any high-end couture." -
Step 3: Seek a resolution.
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Step 4: Clear the air about size or scope early on.
Detailed Guide
Instead of speculating or silently brooding about their reasons, simply ask them why.
Getting to the bottom of their expectations can provide you with an opportunity to explain yourself, bringing you all to a resolution sooner.
For example, if your mother is irritated because you’re not having any bridesmaids in your wedding, you could say, “I feel as though you are upset about me choosing not to have bridesmaids.
Why are you having such a strong reaction about it?” Once you get an answer, you can choose to explain your choice in a respectful manner.
After that, the situation will likely resolve and you can get back to enjoying planning your wedding.If she keeps bringing it up, just gently remind her that you already discussed the issue in full and that it is not helpful to keep bringing it up.
Are you the bride, but someone else is acting like a bridezilla? Instead of writing them off or lashing out, take a minute to see their perspective.
Perhaps they are upset about something else going on in their lives and are, unfortunately, taking it out on you.
Having a conversation about it can help to save your relationship, and wedding planning.
Be sure to use a tone of concern and love, and avoid making judgmental or accusatory comments.
Suggest some steps they can take to take care of themselves and avoid taking their problems out on you.
You could say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been very upset and vocal about some of my wedding planning decisions.
Can we talk about what is bothering you?” Extending this olive branch may be just what this person needs to get over their issues and ultimately allow you to enjoy your relationship with them again., Instead of just dwelling on the problem, question how they would resolve the issue they bring up.
If your sister refuses to sit at the same table as your brother, ask her what she would like you to do.
Perhaps she has a suggestion that you haven’t thought of.
If she doesn’t, tell her that she and your brother need to work it out on their own.
For instance, say “I realize you would rather not sit next to our brother, but I can’t figure out a seating arrangement that works.
I was hoping that you could come up with one that will make everyone satisfied, or that you and our brother can talk and work out your issues on your own.” Saying this shows her that you are aware of her discomfort and that you have attempted to resolve the problem.
It also relieves you of the issue and puts it in her hands.If they refuse to work together to find a resolution, then you can also say, "I will be very sad not to have you there, but I understand if that is your choice." This keeps the responsibility on them and off of you.
Remember that you are a planning a wedding, not acting as a family counselor. , If some of your family members or guests have shared the expectation that you will be having a lavish affair in which no expenses are spared, you may need to alert them about your plans for a simple, low-key event.
You can even enlist a few close friends and family members to help spread the word about the type of event you are striving for.
This may help to prevent some stress for you.
Pull aside loved ones either separately or as a group and explain your decision.
Say something to the effect of, "I've heard rumors that Jennifer and I are having a top-of-the-line wedding that would make most celebrities jealous! That's not true.
In fact, what we want is a quiet, simple evening with our closest friends and family.
We'll let you know about attire, but there's no need to order any high-end couture."
About the Author
Patricia Torres
Experienced content creator specializing in lifestyle guides and tutorials.
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