How to Prevent a Break Up
Assess your partner., Assess the relationship., Assess yourself., Be honest with yourself about the relationship., Communicate., Be gentle., Be accountable and apologetic., Be strong., Start from the beginning., Be your best self., Allow distance...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Assess your partner.
Check their behaviour and see if you really think they want to break up with you.
Many times people become afraid without good reason and see a break up where there isn't one.
Check with a clear mind to see if your partner is actually behaving in a way that means the relationship is ending, or if it's something you're simply afraid of yourself. -
Step 2: Assess the relationship.
Is this a relationship worth holding on to? You're certain now that your partner wants things to end.
Do you want them to end as well? How wonderful is your relationship? Have you been kidding yourself at any point? Many people make a relationship out to be something it isn't, out of a desire to have what others have. , While it feels like it's your partner that wants to break up with you, what are the chances you want out of this relationship too? People often stay in unhealthy relationships out of a desire to have any relationship at all.
How will staying in this relationship benefit you? , Have there ever been incidents in the relationship's history where it was influenced by negative forces, such as unhealthy friendships or stressful life events? Have either of you endured an unhealthy addiction or vice that made it difficult to maintain the loving attitude a relationship requires? Relationships are work, but usually it is work we love.
How much work have the two of you had to put into this relationship to maintain it? , When you have had time to assess yourself, your partner, and the relationship, it's time to sit down and talk.
Explain to your partner what you've been feeling, but be sure to own those feelings.
Avoid accusations and don't expect your partner to defend themselves or their choices.
Treat this like a mutual sharing session and invite your partner to talk with you about what they feel when you say you are worried this relationship is breaking up. , Be a good listener and let your partner speak completely, let them know they can be honest with you without repercussions for doing so.
Avoid a confrontation by remaining calm and showing you are committed to their feelings and to hearing them out.
If your partner wants to break up, ask for the reasons.
You do have a right to know, but be gentle and considerate in asking.
Avoid using this time to change their minds or deny what your partner says.
Your partner may be angry, afraid or aloof.
Allow them to tell you the best way they know how why they are breaking up with you. , When the time is right, take your turn to talk and respond to what your partner has said.
Time spent denying any accusations your partner said is wasted time that could be spent showing them you hear them and accept their feelings, their version of things.
Avoid making your partner feel like their feelings are wrong or unjustified or invalid.
This will just create a barrier between you, one you won't be able to cross.
Instead, be loving and considerate and when necessary, say you are sorry for things you may have done.
Acknowledge out loud that your partner's feelings are real, and that they are important to you. , This is a relationship you have assessed and a partner you still desire a connection with.
Remember your best qualities and that at one point, this person may have loved you very dearly.
Be calm, be truthful, and be strong in who you are and why you are trying to save this relationship. , To resolve things between you two, you may need to revisit the beginning of the relationship and see how you fell in love.
What fun things did you do together in the beginning? If it's practical, do the fun, considerate, kind and exciting things you did in the beginning of the relationship.
Your efforts may be rebuffed at first. , Be the person you know you can be, and the person your partner fell in love with.
No matter what happens, don't give in to depression, to suspicion, to manipulation.
Show your genuine feelings, share your honest thoughts, and be the best person you can be
- hopefully the person your partner couldn't resist. , If your partner is determined to break up with you, don't hold them back.
The tighter we hold people, the more they fight to get free.
While it may feel noble to fight for someone, you should never fight your partner in order to have your partner.
Be available, but remain strong in being a healthy person.
Allow your partner to be healthy away from you too.
Having nothing else to do but wait by the phone for your partner to call and take you back is a sign the relationship was heading in an unhealthy and very dependent direction. , Something about you when you were single or pre-relationship status was so wonderful that your partner couldn't help but have you.
That person you were is who your partner fell in love with.
How far removed are you from that person now that this relationship is ending? What does being in a relationship mean to you? Does it change who you are? , At some point in time you were a completely capable single individual.
You did things for your own reasons and you were somewhat happy with where your life was going.
Remember that without a partner, you were and will again be a wonderful person deserving of love and capable of achieving many great things.
Feel that sense of accomplishment and fulfillment again.
That light inside you, the one your partner fell in love with, will undoubtedly shine out.
And if your partner fails to notice it, the person you are truly meant to be with will. -
Step 3: Assess yourself.
-
Step 4: Be honest with yourself about the relationship.
-
Step 5: Communicate.
-
Step 6: Be gentle.
-
Step 7: Be accountable and apologetic.
-
Step 8: Be strong.
-
Step 9: Start from the beginning.
-
Step 10: Be your best self.
-
Step 11: Allow distance and space.
-
Step 12: Reassess.
-
Step 13: Remember.
Detailed Guide
Check their behaviour and see if you really think they want to break up with you.
Many times people become afraid without good reason and see a break up where there isn't one.
Check with a clear mind to see if your partner is actually behaving in a way that means the relationship is ending, or if it's something you're simply afraid of yourself.
Is this a relationship worth holding on to? You're certain now that your partner wants things to end.
Do you want them to end as well? How wonderful is your relationship? Have you been kidding yourself at any point? Many people make a relationship out to be something it isn't, out of a desire to have what others have. , While it feels like it's your partner that wants to break up with you, what are the chances you want out of this relationship too? People often stay in unhealthy relationships out of a desire to have any relationship at all.
How will staying in this relationship benefit you? , Have there ever been incidents in the relationship's history where it was influenced by negative forces, such as unhealthy friendships or stressful life events? Have either of you endured an unhealthy addiction or vice that made it difficult to maintain the loving attitude a relationship requires? Relationships are work, but usually it is work we love.
How much work have the two of you had to put into this relationship to maintain it? , When you have had time to assess yourself, your partner, and the relationship, it's time to sit down and talk.
Explain to your partner what you've been feeling, but be sure to own those feelings.
Avoid accusations and don't expect your partner to defend themselves or their choices.
Treat this like a mutual sharing session and invite your partner to talk with you about what they feel when you say you are worried this relationship is breaking up. , Be a good listener and let your partner speak completely, let them know they can be honest with you without repercussions for doing so.
Avoid a confrontation by remaining calm and showing you are committed to their feelings and to hearing them out.
If your partner wants to break up, ask for the reasons.
You do have a right to know, but be gentle and considerate in asking.
Avoid using this time to change their minds or deny what your partner says.
Your partner may be angry, afraid or aloof.
Allow them to tell you the best way they know how why they are breaking up with you. , When the time is right, take your turn to talk and respond to what your partner has said.
Time spent denying any accusations your partner said is wasted time that could be spent showing them you hear them and accept their feelings, their version of things.
Avoid making your partner feel like their feelings are wrong or unjustified or invalid.
This will just create a barrier between you, one you won't be able to cross.
Instead, be loving and considerate and when necessary, say you are sorry for things you may have done.
Acknowledge out loud that your partner's feelings are real, and that they are important to you. , This is a relationship you have assessed and a partner you still desire a connection with.
Remember your best qualities and that at one point, this person may have loved you very dearly.
Be calm, be truthful, and be strong in who you are and why you are trying to save this relationship. , To resolve things between you two, you may need to revisit the beginning of the relationship and see how you fell in love.
What fun things did you do together in the beginning? If it's practical, do the fun, considerate, kind and exciting things you did in the beginning of the relationship.
Your efforts may be rebuffed at first. , Be the person you know you can be, and the person your partner fell in love with.
No matter what happens, don't give in to depression, to suspicion, to manipulation.
Show your genuine feelings, share your honest thoughts, and be the best person you can be
- hopefully the person your partner couldn't resist. , If your partner is determined to break up with you, don't hold them back.
The tighter we hold people, the more they fight to get free.
While it may feel noble to fight for someone, you should never fight your partner in order to have your partner.
Be available, but remain strong in being a healthy person.
Allow your partner to be healthy away from you too.
Having nothing else to do but wait by the phone for your partner to call and take you back is a sign the relationship was heading in an unhealthy and very dependent direction. , Something about you when you were single or pre-relationship status was so wonderful that your partner couldn't help but have you.
That person you were is who your partner fell in love with.
How far removed are you from that person now that this relationship is ending? What does being in a relationship mean to you? Does it change who you are? , At some point in time you were a completely capable single individual.
You did things for your own reasons and you were somewhat happy with where your life was going.
Remember that without a partner, you were and will again be a wonderful person deserving of love and capable of achieving many great things.
Feel that sense of accomplishment and fulfillment again.
That light inside you, the one your partner fell in love with, will undoubtedly shine out.
And if your partner fails to notice it, the person you are truly meant to be with will.
About the Author
Joyce Diaz
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow practical skills tutorials.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: