How to Reach a Divorce Settlement Outside of Court
Schedule some time to talk., Remain calm., Listen actively., Create a checklist., Be detailed about your parenting plan., Calculate child support., Draft the divorce settlement agreement., Sign the settlement agreement., File for an “uncontested...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Schedule some time to talk.
One way to come to a settlement agreement is to meet with your spouse and see if you can work out an agreement on your own.
This may be difficult.
In fact, your marriage may have broken down precisely because you had difficulty communicating with each other.
However, you can save considerable sums of money if you can reach a voluntary agreement on your own.
Try to carve out several hour blocks of time.
You are unlikely to resolve all issues in one setting.
Also meet somewhere away from your children.
If possible, send them to a relative’s or a friend’s house.
You should have the house to yourself. -
Step 2: Remain calm.
Your emotions may be high, especially if you are not the person who suggested getting divorced.
However, you must remain calm during your discussions.
You won’t be able to come to an agreement if you are angry.
Use the following tips:
Sit in a relaxed manner.
Don’t fold your arms or angle your body away from your spouse.
Suspend judgment.
You really don’t know what your spouse is thinking, so you should be open to whatever he or she says.
Commit to calming the other person.
It will be the only way to come to an agreement. , The best way to calm someone is to make sure that they know you are actively listening to what they say.
You can weaken someone’s defensiveness if they feel like they are being heard.
To listen actively, do the following:
Make eye contact.You don’t need to stare at them, but you shouldn’t avert your gaze whenever your spouse looks at you.
Repeat what the person is saying.
If your spouse says, “I really think you should cover the mortgage because my job is only part-time,” then you should repeat what they said: “So you want me to pay the mortgage since my salary can cover it.” If you don’t understand your spouse, then ask for clarification.Take notes.
You show active listening when you are writing down what the person is saying. , A divorce settlement agreement should be as detailed as possible.
One way to make sure that you cover everything is to come up with a checklist.
Once you reach agreement on an area, you can then check it off.
Be sure to cover the following: divide marital property identify separate property divide debts and liabilities decide on child custody and visitation determine child support payments decide if marital support (alimony) is necessary , You will probably spend a lot of time on the parenting plan.
It should be as detailed as possible.
Whenever a dispute arises later on, you can then check your parenting plan.
The more detail you can include upfront, the fewer disputes you should have down the road.
An effective parenting plan should have as a minimum:a parenting schedule (who has the kids and when) provisions for school vacations and holidays a plan for transporting children to and from visitation a plan for parenting responsibilities, such as who will stay home with children when they are sick and who will take children to medical or dental appointments an outline of financial responsibilities for each parent, such as paying for extracurricular activities a way to resolve disputes in the future, such as mediation , You must come up with a child support agreement that a judge will approve.
The non-custodial parent cannot get out of child support, so if one of you will have primary custody then the other parent will need to contribute financially.
The judge will accept a proposed child support payment plan only if it is in the child’s best interest.
Your state law probably has published guidelines for determining reasonable child support payments.
You can find them by searching the Internet for “your state” and “child support calculations.” In Texas, for example, the non-custodial parent pays a percentage of his or her income to support a child.
Generally, he or she pays 20% of their monthly income for one child, 25% for two children, and 30% for three.For more information, see Calculate Child Support. , Once you come to an agreement, you will need to draft the settlement agreement.
Every divorce settlement agreement must be approved by a judge.
You will need to attach your settlement agreement to your divorce petition.
Some courts publish “fill in the blank” forms you can use.
You should check with your court clerk.
For example, the court might publish a parenting plan form.There may be forms available for child custody, child support, alimony, and the division of assets and liabilities.If your court does not have forms, you will have to type up your own.
You can use the sample marital separation agreement from the mediation website mediate.com: http://www.mediate.com/divorce/docs/MSA.pdf.
Also see Write a Divorce Settlement Agreement for additional tips. , After you have drafted the agreement, give a copy to your spouse.
You should both read it, preferably with your own lawyer.
After reading it, be sure to sign the agreement.
You might need to have the form notarized.
You should check with your court clerk.
If you need it notarized, then insert a notary block.
You can find a notary block appropriate to your state by searching the Internet.
Be sure to sign in front of the notary. , An uncontested divorce is one where you and your spouse agree on all major issues.
Stop into the courthouse and ask the court clerk for the necessary forms.
You will then fill out the forms and attach your divorce settlement agreement to the forms.
At a hearing, the judge will go over your settlement agreement and make sure it is fair and in the best interest of your children.
If your judge has concerns, you will need to revise the agreement to address those concerns. -
Step 3: Listen actively.
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Step 4: Create a checklist.
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Step 5: Be detailed about your parenting plan.
-
Step 6: Calculate child support.
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Step 7: Draft the divorce settlement agreement.
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Step 8: Sign the settlement agreement.
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Step 9: File for an “uncontested divorce.” Since you and your spouse have reached an agreement
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Step 10: you can file for an uncontested divorce.
Detailed Guide
One way to come to a settlement agreement is to meet with your spouse and see if you can work out an agreement on your own.
This may be difficult.
In fact, your marriage may have broken down precisely because you had difficulty communicating with each other.
However, you can save considerable sums of money if you can reach a voluntary agreement on your own.
Try to carve out several hour blocks of time.
You are unlikely to resolve all issues in one setting.
Also meet somewhere away from your children.
If possible, send them to a relative’s or a friend’s house.
You should have the house to yourself.
Your emotions may be high, especially if you are not the person who suggested getting divorced.
However, you must remain calm during your discussions.
You won’t be able to come to an agreement if you are angry.
Use the following tips:
Sit in a relaxed manner.
Don’t fold your arms or angle your body away from your spouse.
Suspend judgment.
You really don’t know what your spouse is thinking, so you should be open to whatever he or she says.
Commit to calming the other person.
It will be the only way to come to an agreement. , The best way to calm someone is to make sure that they know you are actively listening to what they say.
You can weaken someone’s defensiveness if they feel like they are being heard.
To listen actively, do the following:
Make eye contact.You don’t need to stare at them, but you shouldn’t avert your gaze whenever your spouse looks at you.
Repeat what the person is saying.
If your spouse says, “I really think you should cover the mortgage because my job is only part-time,” then you should repeat what they said: “So you want me to pay the mortgage since my salary can cover it.” If you don’t understand your spouse, then ask for clarification.Take notes.
You show active listening when you are writing down what the person is saying. , A divorce settlement agreement should be as detailed as possible.
One way to make sure that you cover everything is to come up with a checklist.
Once you reach agreement on an area, you can then check it off.
Be sure to cover the following: divide marital property identify separate property divide debts and liabilities decide on child custody and visitation determine child support payments decide if marital support (alimony) is necessary , You will probably spend a lot of time on the parenting plan.
It should be as detailed as possible.
Whenever a dispute arises later on, you can then check your parenting plan.
The more detail you can include upfront, the fewer disputes you should have down the road.
An effective parenting plan should have as a minimum:a parenting schedule (who has the kids and when) provisions for school vacations and holidays a plan for transporting children to and from visitation a plan for parenting responsibilities, such as who will stay home with children when they are sick and who will take children to medical or dental appointments an outline of financial responsibilities for each parent, such as paying for extracurricular activities a way to resolve disputes in the future, such as mediation , You must come up with a child support agreement that a judge will approve.
The non-custodial parent cannot get out of child support, so if one of you will have primary custody then the other parent will need to contribute financially.
The judge will accept a proposed child support payment plan only if it is in the child’s best interest.
Your state law probably has published guidelines for determining reasonable child support payments.
You can find them by searching the Internet for “your state” and “child support calculations.” In Texas, for example, the non-custodial parent pays a percentage of his or her income to support a child.
Generally, he or she pays 20% of their monthly income for one child, 25% for two children, and 30% for three.For more information, see Calculate Child Support. , Once you come to an agreement, you will need to draft the settlement agreement.
Every divorce settlement agreement must be approved by a judge.
You will need to attach your settlement agreement to your divorce petition.
Some courts publish “fill in the blank” forms you can use.
You should check with your court clerk.
For example, the court might publish a parenting plan form.There may be forms available for child custody, child support, alimony, and the division of assets and liabilities.If your court does not have forms, you will have to type up your own.
You can use the sample marital separation agreement from the mediation website mediate.com: http://www.mediate.com/divorce/docs/MSA.pdf.
Also see Write a Divorce Settlement Agreement for additional tips. , After you have drafted the agreement, give a copy to your spouse.
You should both read it, preferably with your own lawyer.
After reading it, be sure to sign the agreement.
You might need to have the form notarized.
You should check with your court clerk.
If you need it notarized, then insert a notary block.
You can find a notary block appropriate to your state by searching the Internet.
Be sure to sign in front of the notary. , An uncontested divorce is one where you and your spouse agree on all major issues.
Stop into the courthouse and ask the court clerk for the necessary forms.
You will then fill out the forms and attach your divorce settlement agreement to the forms.
At a hearing, the judge will go over your settlement agreement and make sure it is fair and in the best interest of your children.
If your judge has concerns, you will need to revise the agreement to address those concerns.
About the Author
Abigail Anderson
Creates helpful guides on hobbies to inspire and educate readers.
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