How to Settle an Argument with Your Parents
Choose a good time to talk to your parents., Listen to your parents’ point of view., Explain your point of view., Use “I” statements to express yourself., Remain calm., Stay on topic.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Choose a good time to talk to your parents.
It's best to talk to your parents when they are relaxed and calm.
If they are under stress from other things, they might extend their frustration to you.
Similarly, you should also be calm and relaxed so that you can speak respectfully to your parents.
If you get agitated and express your frustration to the them, you are unlikely to get them to see your point of view.
Ask your parents if it's a good time to talk.
For example, say, "I really want to talk to you about something when you have a free moment." -
Step 2: Listen to your parents’ point of view.
Listening to your parents’ case will show them that you respect them.
It will also allow you to understand their objections to your requests.
Focus on the key points of why they disagree with you, and address those concerns in your argument.
This will reinforce the idea that you were listening and respect their opinion, as well as allow you to directly address your parents’ main concerns.For example, if your parents’ think that going out every Friday night will interfere with you spending time with the family, you might address their concern by saying something like “I know that family time is important, but I need time to be myself, too.
Plus, I will be home every Sunday afternoon for family dinner.” , After you have listened attentively to your parents, offer your side.
As you explain your argument, validate their concerns, but show them why their concerns don't outweigh your side.
For example, say, "I understand that you want me to have a 9:00 p.m. curfew for my own safety, but I'm old enough to stay out later and have proven that I'm responsible on nights that you have let me come home later." Emphasize what you've done that should reduce their concerns. , “I” statements are a wonderful way to express things in the correct perspective.
By saying this is what “I” think or what “I” feel, you avoid placing blame on the other person.
This makes your parents’ more likely to listen to your point of view, and helps prevent them from becoming too defensive.An example of expressing yourself through an “I” statement would be to say something such as “I feel like I get to go out much less than other people my age,” rather than saying “You never let me go out as much as my friends go out.” You may need to take time to reflect on your feelings and why you are feeling this way.
Explain your feelings to your parents in a respectful manner, and repeat them if you don't feel that your parents understood the first time.
For example, you may say, "I feel really hurt that you don't think I'm responsible enough to participate in the decision-making process."
Avoid letting your emotions get the best of you.
Slamming things, yelling at your parents, or other angry outbursts will only escalate the situation.
While you may think you are expressing how strongly you feel about the issue, you are really just reinforcing the idea that you are not mature enough to have an adult conversation with your parents.Instead of raising your voice to talk over your parents, listen carefully to what they are saying and then reply in a calm tone with something like “I understand your concerns, but let me explain my side, please.” , Avoid bringing up any past arguments or disagreements.
It will only serve to distract you and your parents from the issue you are trying to work out currently, and will make your parents defensive.
You should also avoid involving other people, such as family members or friends, in the argument to support you.
Only include another person in the discussion if they are directly related to the discussion.For example, you should not call your grandmother and have her tell your parents to let you go out tonight.
Do not bring up last week’s discussion about doing dishes as a focus on whether or not you can go out tonight.
Things like “You always do this to me.
You were awful to me last week about the dishes, and now you’re being awful to me about going out with my friends!” will only escalate the argument and divert the conversation. -
Step 3: Explain your point of view.
-
Step 4: Use “I” statements to express yourself.
-
Step 5: Remain calm.
-
Step 6: Stay on topic.
Detailed Guide
It's best to talk to your parents when they are relaxed and calm.
If they are under stress from other things, they might extend their frustration to you.
Similarly, you should also be calm and relaxed so that you can speak respectfully to your parents.
If you get agitated and express your frustration to the them, you are unlikely to get them to see your point of view.
Ask your parents if it's a good time to talk.
For example, say, "I really want to talk to you about something when you have a free moment."
Listening to your parents’ case will show them that you respect them.
It will also allow you to understand their objections to your requests.
Focus on the key points of why they disagree with you, and address those concerns in your argument.
This will reinforce the idea that you were listening and respect their opinion, as well as allow you to directly address your parents’ main concerns.For example, if your parents’ think that going out every Friday night will interfere with you spending time with the family, you might address their concern by saying something like “I know that family time is important, but I need time to be myself, too.
Plus, I will be home every Sunday afternoon for family dinner.” , After you have listened attentively to your parents, offer your side.
As you explain your argument, validate their concerns, but show them why their concerns don't outweigh your side.
For example, say, "I understand that you want me to have a 9:00 p.m. curfew for my own safety, but I'm old enough to stay out later and have proven that I'm responsible on nights that you have let me come home later." Emphasize what you've done that should reduce their concerns. , “I” statements are a wonderful way to express things in the correct perspective.
By saying this is what “I” think or what “I” feel, you avoid placing blame on the other person.
This makes your parents’ more likely to listen to your point of view, and helps prevent them from becoming too defensive.An example of expressing yourself through an “I” statement would be to say something such as “I feel like I get to go out much less than other people my age,” rather than saying “You never let me go out as much as my friends go out.” You may need to take time to reflect on your feelings and why you are feeling this way.
Explain your feelings to your parents in a respectful manner, and repeat them if you don't feel that your parents understood the first time.
For example, you may say, "I feel really hurt that you don't think I'm responsible enough to participate in the decision-making process."
Avoid letting your emotions get the best of you.
Slamming things, yelling at your parents, or other angry outbursts will only escalate the situation.
While you may think you are expressing how strongly you feel about the issue, you are really just reinforcing the idea that you are not mature enough to have an adult conversation with your parents.Instead of raising your voice to talk over your parents, listen carefully to what they are saying and then reply in a calm tone with something like “I understand your concerns, but let me explain my side, please.” , Avoid bringing up any past arguments or disagreements.
It will only serve to distract you and your parents from the issue you are trying to work out currently, and will make your parents defensive.
You should also avoid involving other people, such as family members or friends, in the argument to support you.
Only include another person in the discussion if they are directly related to the discussion.For example, you should not call your grandmother and have her tell your parents to let you go out tonight.
Do not bring up last week’s discussion about doing dishes as a focus on whether or not you can go out tonight.
Things like “You always do this to me.
You were awful to me last week about the dishes, and now you’re being awful to me about going out with my friends!” will only escalate the argument and divert the conversation.
About the Author
Martha Hayes
Creates helpful guides on lifestyle to inspire and educate readers.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: