How to Stop Being Emotionally Needy After a Long Marriage
Remember that whilst your marriage may not have traveled down the path that you wanted, or expected, that you are not to blame yourself, and a marriage is rarely ever of one sided blame., Remember that you are not alone., Remember who you are., Last...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Remember that whilst your marriage may not have traveled down the path that you wanted
Take some time out to think about all of the factors that led to the destruction of your marriage, not discounting the things you or your partner did wrong, as to not indulge in self guilt/blame, but also not harbor feelings of harsh anger or resentment toward your partner, in an attempt to fault them for it all.
A lot of the time, the feeling of 'neediness' is born from feeling that we are not good enough.
When you remind yourself that you are not solely to be blamed,and your contribution alone could not have been the sole premise of your divorce ,you will begin to understand that you ARE good enough, and are worthy. -
Step 2: or expected
Yes it is true that you are now beginning life away from somebody whom you have spent a lot of time, and built a future with, but they were not the only person who loved you.
One of the main things in marriages, are the merging of two people, and or sometimes isolation of other family members and friends.
This could be classed as one of the primary reasons, divorce can be such a lonely and daunting time, as the realization sets in that without your ex, you are standing by yourself This however, is untrue.
This is the perfect time to reconnect with old friends, find yourself retrieving numbers of past acquaintances that you always wanted to meet up with, but couldn't quite find the time since you were always planning weekly trips with your husband.
Reunite with single friends you may have neglected in attempts to accommodate your newly married life, you may feel as if those people have long forgotten you, but it is never too late to retrieve that little black book! Also, don't forget that family are there for a reason! Use them as MUCH as you can! We sometimes forget that no matter how old we get or how far we move from home, our family will always be there to love, comfort and adore us, use this to your full advantage! Surround yourself with family members, retreat back to your old town if you have to, take solace in the people who will always cherish you, plan family days out, treat the ones you love.
You may be feeling needy because you are NEEDING lost comfort, NEEDING lost love, NEEDING reassurance, all of these things you can find within the people who love you the most. , Whilst in a marriage most of your identity seems to merge into a dual 'hermaphrodite' persona.
You and your partner dissolve into one big character, and develop traits of each other's habits, some we may like, and others not so much.
Now, is the time to remember who you were before the marriage and what you loved about yourself! Much of the neediness you will be feeling delves around you feeling desperate to find yourself outside of a relationship you were in for so long.
Instead of projecting your confusion into desiring company or contributions that distract you from rediscovering yourself, take the time to write, begin a journal, write down questions you're confused about, and go back to it a few days later, and try to answer it.
You will find that a lot of the things you are requesting answers for, can be found within yourself, if you just take the time to listen to you.
Trust you again. , Just because this marriage did not work out, does not mean that everything you commit a substantial amount of time and effort to will not work. , See this as a fresh start, a new conquest, and do not rush into seeking solace in the environment of anything that seems draining and daunting. -
Step 3: that you are not to blame yourself
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Step 4: and a marriage is rarely ever of one sided blame.
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Step 5: Remember that you are not alone.
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Step 6: Remember who you are.
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Step 7: Last but not least
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Step 8: do not forget that you are worthy of love and WILL find love again.
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Step 9: DO not use your failed marriage as a guideline of comparison to other things in your life
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Step 10: no matter how tempting it may be
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Step 11: this is not and will not be the beginning of a string of failed attempts and sabotaged opportunities.
Detailed Guide
Take some time out to think about all of the factors that led to the destruction of your marriage, not discounting the things you or your partner did wrong, as to not indulge in self guilt/blame, but also not harbor feelings of harsh anger or resentment toward your partner, in an attempt to fault them for it all.
A lot of the time, the feeling of 'neediness' is born from feeling that we are not good enough.
When you remind yourself that you are not solely to be blamed,and your contribution alone could not have been the sole premise of your divorce ,you will begin to understand that you ARE good enough, and are worthy.
Yes it is true that you are now beginning life away from somebody whom you have spent a lot of time, and built a future with, but they were not the only person who loved you.
One of the main things in marriages, are the merging of two people, and or sometimes isolation of other family members and friends.
This could be classed as one of the primary reasons, divorce can be such a lonely and daunting time, as the realization sets in that without your ex, you are standing by yourself This however, is untrue.
This is the perfect time to reconnect with old friends, find yourself retrieving numbers of past acquaintances that you always wanted to meet up with, but couldn't quite find the time since you were always planning weekly trips with your husband.
Reunite with single friends you may have neglected in attempts to accommodate your newly married life, you may feel as if those people have long forgotten you, but it is never too late to retrieve that little black book! Also, don't forget that family are there for a reason! Use them as MUCH as you can! We sometimes forget that no matter how old we get or how far we move from home, our family will always be there to love, comfort and adore us, use this to your full advantage! Surround yourself with family members, retreat back to your old town if you have to, take solace in the people who will always cherish you, plan family days out, treat the ones you love.
You may be feeling needy because you are NEEDING lost comfort, NEEDING lost love, NEEDING reassurance, all of these things you can find within the people who love you the most. , Whilst in a marriage most of your identity seems to merge into a dual 'hermaphrodite' persona.
You and your partner dissolve into one big character, and develop traits of each other's habits, some we may like, and others not so much.
Now, is the time to remember who you were before the marriage and what you loved about yourself! Much of the neediness you will be feeling delves around you feeling desperate to find yourself outside of a relationship you were in for so long.
Instead of projecting your confusion into desiring company or contributions that distract you from rediscovering yourself, take the time to write, begin a journal, write down questions you're confused about, and go back to it a few days later, and try to answer it.
You will find that a lot of the things you are requesting answers for, can be found within yourself, if you just take the time to listen to you.
Trust you again. , Just because this marriage did not work out, does not mean that everything you commit a substantial amount of time and effort to will not work. , See this as a fresh start, a new conquest, and do not rush into seeking solace in the environment of anything that seems draining and daunting.
About the Author
Beverly Powell
Brings years of experience writing about organization and related subjects.
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