How to Stop Your Boyfriend from Smoking
Don’t cite statistics., Know that everyone is different., If nothing like this comes up, look for a way to broach the topic gently., Try the nudge method., Mobilize your support network., Think before checking in., Ask open-ended questions., Point...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Don’t cite statistics.
Your boyfriend knows that smoking is bad for him, and he probably wants to quit already.
Thus, it won’t really be helpful to recite facts about diseases, life expectancy, etc.
In fact, telling someone to stop smoking just makes them do it more.Instead, you may want to focus on trends in people's behavior and the role of addiction in smoking.
Point out that smoking rates have steadily been going down over the past several decades, and that many people have successfully quit.
Since many people start smoking to feel like they are part of a group, knowing that their behavior is increasingly uncommon may encourage them to quit.
Pointing out that smoking is an addiction may help your boyfriend realize that he does not have control over his life.
This probably does not appeal to him, so he may try to quit in order to be more autonomous. -
Step 2: Know that everyone is different.
This means that the same strategies won’t work for everyone, but it also means that different people will want different levels and kinds of support.
Talk to your boyfriend to find out what kind of help he needs.
Your boyfriend may have an indirect way of indicating that he wants to talk about quitting.
Pay attention to the topics he brings up—advice from a doctor, a family member who is pregnant, someone else who quit—to find an opening., Maybe smoking laws or cigarette taxes are changing in your area.
Ask your boyfriend how he feels about these, and use this as a transition to ask about his own habits.You:
I read in an article today that the city is banning smoking in restaurants.
Him:
That's good.
I hate eating when my food tastes smoky.
You:
I'm surprised to hear you say that.
Will it be difficult for you to go that long without smoking? Him:
No, I've actually been trying to cut down.
You:
Really? How can I help you do that? , It can be difficult to find the right balance between encouraging your boyfriend to quit and behaving in a way that he may perceive as taking away his choices.
Lawyers and economists say the nudge method can incentivize change while still letting people decide for themselves.The nudge method works like this: tell your boyfriend to open a savings account into which he'll deposit the money he would otherwise spend on cigarettes. (A jar on the kitchen counter works, too.) At the end of a predetermined period, ask him if he has smoked.
If he hasn't, he gets the money.
If he has, the money has to be deposited to charity.
Some versions of this method include the requirement that the charity be for a cause your boyfriend does not support! If he has a friend who is also trying to quit (or if you are), they can make it into a competition.
Whoever goes longer without smoking gets to keep the money, and whoever gives in first has to donate to a charity of the winner's choice. , If it is OK with your boyfriend, talk to your friends and family members about his plans, and encourage them to be supportive.
Remind your boyfriend that doctors are part of your support network as well, and ask if he has considered making an appointment to talk about smoking cessation medication., Some smokers will want you to ask about their progress every day to hold them accountable, while others will find this habit invasive and counterproductive.
Ask your boyfriend whether regular check-ins will be helpful or harmful for him., Get your boyfriend talking about his experiences—why he started smoking, how it makes him feel, why he wants to quit, what makes quitting difficult, etc.
These will give you a better sense of his relationship to cigarettes, and it might even help him make some connections he hadn’t made before.You:
Why did you start smoking? Him:
Because the older kids at school did.
You:
What about now? There aren't any older kids around.
Him:
I guess it just became a habit.
You:
Did you think you would smoke forever? Him:
No, but quitting always seemed too hard.
You:
You can do it! Do you want me to help you come up with a plan? , For a smoker, even going a day without cigarettes is an accomplishment.
Recognize it as such, and use it as evidence that your boyfriend is capable of going without cigarettes.
These small victories can increase confidence. , Don’t let the quitting process become the entirety of your relationship.
Even if he does want you to check in about his progress, ask him about his day and how he is more generally.
It shouldn’t be just about whether or not he smoked today. -
Step 3: If nothing like this comes up
-
Step 4: look for a way to broach the topic gently.
-
Step 5: Try the nudge method.
-
Step 6: Mobilize your support network.
-
Step 7: Think before checking in.
-
Step 8: Ask open-ended questions.
-
Step 9: Point out small victories.
-
Step 10: Focus on the whole person.
Detailed Guide
Your boyfriend knows that smoking is bad for him, and he probably wants to quit already.
Thus, it won’t really be helpful to recite facts about diseases, life expectancy, etc.
In fact, telling someone to stop smoking just makes them do it more.Instead, you may want to focus on trends in people's behavior and the role of addiction in smoking.
Point out that smoking rates have steadily been going down over the past several decades, and that many people have successfully quit.
Since many people start smoking to feel like they are part of a group, knowing that their behavior is increasingly uncommon may encourage them to quit.
Pointing out that smoking is an addiction may help your boyfriend realize that he does not have control over his life.
This probably does not appeal to him, so he may try to quit in order to be more autonomous.
This means that the same strategies won’t work for everyone, but it also means that different people will want different levels and kinds of support.
Talk to your boyfriend to find out what kind of help he needs.
Your boyfriend may have an indirect way of indicating that he wants to talk about quitting.
Pay attention to the topics he brings up—advice from a doctor, a family member who is pregnant, someone else who quit—to find an opening., Maybe smoking laws or cigarette taxes are changing in your area.
Ask your boyfriend how he feels about these, and use this as a transition to ask about his own habits.You:
I read in an article today that the city is banning smoking in restaurants.
Him:
That's good.
I hate eating when my food tastes smoky.
You:
I'm surprised to hear you say that.
Will it be difficult for you to go that long without smoking? Him:
No, I've actually been trying to cut down.
You:
Really? How can I help you do that? , It can be difficult to find the right balance between encouraging your boyfriend to quit and behaving in a way that he may perceive as taking away his choices.
Lawyers and economists say the nudge method can incentivize change while still letting people decide for themselves.The nudge method works like this: tell your boyfriend to open a savings account into which he'll deposit the money he would otherwise spend on cigarettes. (A jar on the kitchen counter works, too.) At the end of a predetermined period, ask him if he has smoked.
If he hasn't, he gets the money.
If he has, the money has to be deposited to charity.
Some versions of this method include the requirement that the charity be for a cause your boyfriend does not support! If he has a friend who is also trying to quit (or if you are), they can make it into a competition.
Whoever goes longer without smoking gets to keep the money, and whoever gives in first has to donate to a charity of the winner's choice. , If it is OK with your boyfriend, talk to your friends and family members about his plans, and encourage them to be supportive.
Remind your boyfriend that doctors are part of your support network as well, and ask if he has considered making an appointment to talk about smoking cessation medication., Some smokers will want you to ask about their progress every day to hold them accountable, while others will find this habit invasive and counterproductive.
Ask your boyfriend whether regular check-ins will be helpful or harmful for him., Get your boyfriend talking about his experiences—why he started smoking, how it makes him feel, why he wants to quit, what makes quitting difficult, etc.
These will give you a better sense of his relationship to cigarettes, and it might even help him make some connections he hadn’t made before.You:
Why did you start smoking? Him:
Because the older kids at school did.
You:
What about now? There aren't any older kids around.
Him:
I guess it just became a habit.
You:
Did you think you would smoke forever? Him:
No, but quitting always seemed too hard.
You:
You can do it! Do you want me to help you come up with a plan? , For a smoker, even going a day without cigarettes is an accomplishment.
Recognize it as such, and use it as evidence that your boyfriend is capable of going without cigarettes.
These small victories can increase confidence. , Don’t let the quitting process become the entirety of your relationship.
Even if he does want you to check in about his progress, ask him about his day and how he is more generally.
It shouldn’t be just about whether or not he smoked today.
About the Author
Larry Wells
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow cooking tutorials.
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